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May 30 - Texas Republican Governor Rick Perry took another kick to the shins this week following on the heels of his nominee for the Texas Board of Pardons and Paroles getting rejected on the basis of being over the Texas UIL limits of shankiness. 
     Now his rightwing Talibaptist, Don McLeroy, could not drum up the needed 2/3 votes to lead the State Board of Education into the vast Sillyland of the Uptight Far Right. 

The Senate rejected Republican Don McLeroy's nomination as chairman of the State Board of Education on Thursday after Democrats decried his lack of leadership and "endless culture wars" over evolution and other volatile topics.

     And under the category of "Well, I Suspect So," comes this quote from Republican Senator Steve Ogden.

Ogden decried much of the criticism of McLeroy as a "slur."

"It is not fair to say that if you don't believe Darwin's theory of evolution or accept the argument that global warming is occurring, that you should not be on the State Board of Education," he said.

     And he said that like it was a bad thing.  Best I know, he said it with a straight face.  Amazing, huh?
     As far as I'm concerned, it should be taken a step further and even more wild eyed radical - if you don't believe in public education, you probably shouldn't be on the State Board of Education.  Yes, it's you I'm talking to, Cynthia Dunbar of Richmond, Texas.  When you think public education is evil, you have no place on the State Board of Education.  You don't see a bunch of Christian Scientists on the State Board of Medical Examiners or a bunch of purposefully ugly people on the State Board of Cosmetology.
     For the crapteenth time, Steeple People, you cannot practice your odd brand of voodoo on Texas schoolchildren. 
     Thank you, Texas Democratic Senators, for giving Texas schoolchildren the gift of science. 


I am so glad McLeroy is out. Everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie, much like Governor Goodhair. They don't seem to understand that evolution is a theory which is supported by facts (so many it would take about 15 years to read it all if you never slept for that time and read 24/7/365). Better yet they don't understand survival of the fittest. They are not the fittest, and they won't survive for much longer! Change is a comin, slowly but surely (hmmm much like evolution?). Better yet when the election comes, we'll see Stephen Jay Gould's punctuated equilibrium in action!
 
James in Glenn Heights


May 29 - And you think you live somewhere fun?
     Kinda makes you wonder which one of the sheriff's friends is running around buck nakkid again.

Despite repeated efforts to obtain information about the nude man arrested as he walked down a major Cinco Ranch thoroughfare last Sunday, the Fort Bend County Sheriff’s Office has not responded to inquiries from FortBendNow.

 

According to witness accounts, officers subdued the unidentified man late Sunday evening as he strolled down Cinco Ranch Boulevard near Cinco Ranch Junior High School and the trendy LaCenterra shopping center.

 



May 29 - Woo, woo, the Texas Hispanic vote just took John Cornyn down to the river and beat his head on a rock.

One of the top Republicans in the Senate, John Cornyn, is repudiating recent comments by Rush Limbaugh and Newt Gingrich which claimed that Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor is a racist.

"I think it's terrible... This is not the kind of tone any of us want to set when it comes to performing our constitutional responsibilities of advise and consent."

Cornyn dismissed Limbaugh and Gingrich, adding: "Neither one of these men are elected Republican officials. I just don't think it's appropriate. I certainly don't endorse it. I think it's wrong."

     Hey, John can count votes, Babe.  This is going to such fun to watch.  Can't you just see John calling Rush after that interview and sobbing, "I am soooo sorry, Rush, but those Hispanics in Texas can vote."



May 29 - Look, I wasn't planning on liking Democratic County Commissioner Richard Morrison all that much because I flat don't like politicians, and county commissioners especially.
     But, day-um, Honey.  New blood on commissioners court is gonna save you a boatload of money and provide the best entertainment in a three county area.
     Richard Morrison is a helluva lot smarter than Republican Greedmeister and State Rep Charlie Howard, and Richard ain't scared of no Charlie voodoo either. 
     First Richard explains the problem:

Fort Bend County Commissioners Court members could find themselves bearing the uncomfortable responsibility for appointing members of the county’s Appraisal Review Board - a task they are loathe to accept.

But a provision tacked onto Texas House Bill 1030, apparently at the request of state Rep. Charile Howard (R-Sugar Land) would give that job to County Judge Bob Hebert and the four commissioners. The provision also would apply to Harris County.

Precinct 1 Commissioner Richard Morrison said Howard is undertaking “classic passing-the-buck.”

“Charlie doesn’t want any responsibility for controlling property taxes,” Morrison added. “They’re trying to put all the heat on local government.”

     And then, as a featured display at the Museum of Damn Good Ideas, Richard adds --

“If that bill passes, I’m going to appoint Charlie as my first appointment to the board,” Morrison said, calling the amendment “nothing more than a political game, and I can play as well as he can.”

     As the youngsters say, Pwned!

     To be honest with you, if Richard had not been elected to the court, this would have slid right by because the other commissioners are shivering scardy cats when it comes to standing up to Charlie.
     And, to get downright upright about it, you'd think that Charlie Howard could find something better to do in Austin than making things worse for the taxpayers of this county by playing cutsie little political games. 



May 29 - Okay, here's some more local stuff. 
     I made a $100 charity bet with a certain newspaper person that Marilyn Glover wouldn't show up for school board meetings half the time.  And when she does show up, she won't be prepared; preferring to use faddish self-help phrases instead of doing her homework.   
     If I say it's Christmas, you better go buy some little twinkling lights.
     Sure 'nuff.  She missed the very first meeting. 
     Marilyn will always have a very good reason for not showing up.  One year her mother died three times. 
     Wait until she starts giving parties to "honor" herself.  That was my favorite part. 
     I'm gonna enjoy watching this, Hon.



May 28 - And another Attaboy to Commissioner Richard Morrison today for trying to buy local.
     The $60 million Taj MaLaw  over on the banks of the Brazos, which got scheduled before Commissioner Morrison was elected to the court, is beginning work. 
     Morrison is concerned that not many local subcontractors have been hired.  If we spend money locally that money stays in the local economy.  At least that's what the Chamber of Commerce says.

So far, he [Morrison] said, he has indications that five Fort Bend County subcontractors have won bids to do about $1.8 million in work on the $58 million project.

“We still get just 2%, maybe. I’d like to see more,” Morrison said. “I still think we should be able to get more Fort Bend companies” involved in the work.

     So, Richard earned his keep today.  But he does not need to get cocky because I'll kick him when he needs it.



May 28 - Thank goodness the Democrats put an environmental lawyer on commissioners court instead another dude with a tax-free slush fund from developers. 
 
    We finally got an ozone monitoring station in Fort Bend County in January and our suspicions were true - there's a reason you can see the air.  It's filthy

Twice in the past week, the Fort Bend County city has exceeded the federal limit for ozone, a critical threshold under the nation’s Clean Air Act.

And the forecast calls for more heavy smog today.

“Ozone obviously isn’t stopping at the Harris County line,” said Barry Lefer, an assistant professor of atmospheric sciences at the University of Houston.

     It's particularly bad today. 
     I have full faith that Richard Morrison will be on this like white on rice.  It is such a relief to finally have a guy on the court who can talk about something other than concrete and kickbacks.



May 28 - Okay, it's officially a contest for who is  the craziest Texas Congressman. Up until now Smokin' Joe Barton pretty much held the lead with people wondering if space aliens were eating his brain.
     Then out of the blue, Texas Congressvarmint John Culbertson of Houston started trying to explain his libertarianism against his belief that we should check every bed in America at night to make sure that no same-gender people are in one together.  About 45 seconds into his explanation, little spittle things began to form at the edges of his mouth and the most astounding words came tumbling out. 
     You can read the whole transcript here, but here's the highlight ---

Well under the 10th amendment, the states have a first responsibility for providing for public safety, public health, public morality. All issues that just affect the people within that state. It’s up to the states. And you either follow the constitution or you don’t. [...]

Federal law cannot permit — if one state, Vermont, wants to do that, you can’t let that cross state lines. You’ve got to let — frankly, a lot of these issues have got to be left up to the states. But the federal government cannot permit for example — The federal government has a legitimate role in interstate commerce. And that’s where the federal government comes in. I think the federal government can’t recognize — shouldn’t recognize it, it’s just a bad idea. And uh — But fundamentally, the right of privacy’s fundamental. I’m not interested — what people do at home’s their own business.

     I am holding the 10th amendment in my hand right now and nowhere, nada, no way does it say anything whatsodamnever about the states regulating morality.  And thank God for that!  Can you even imagine Rick Perry regulating morality in Texas?  And the Texas Lege? Good Lord, whorehouses in Calcutta are more moral than the Lege.  That's a scientific fact. 
     By the way, I included the second paragraph because my personal opinion is that he was drunk or that the cabbage people took over his thinking mechanism. 
     Joe Barton - the ball is in your court.


John Culberson was featured in Olbermann’s “WTF Moment” last night.   The congressman seemed to be engaging in some sort of stream-of-consciousness speaking.  He did appear to be conscious, though appearances can be deceiving.  But it was classic Culberson, completely irrational.  Best thing I can say is that I don’t live in his district, so he is not representative of me.
 

Dennis


When in doubt .... Just click to get the Constitution:

Amendment X

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Don A



May 27 - Whoa.  Pull in on them reins, Pat.
     Pat Buchanan said that Sonia Sotomayor isn't very intelligent.
    Pat, Dude, you represent the political party of every redneck tobacco chewing Cletus in the entire South.  Don't you be talking no smack about intelligence, ya hear? 
     The woman went to Princeton.  Don't you know what Summa Cum Laude means?  Do you think Phi Beta Kappa is a social sorority?
     Cripes, Pat, Sonia Sotomayor ain't no Harriett Meyers, but ... not intelligent? 
     Well, at least you remembered her name, which is more than that other intellectual heavyweight Mike Huckabee did.  Maria? 



May 27 - This is of local interest:
     You all know Burt Levine, the full-time political slut.  Candidates give him money just to keep him from tearing down their signs.  Hell, I've even seen him take money from one candidate while working for the opponent. 
     Well, Burt's done it again.  And he couldn't have done it to a more deserving person.
     Burt sent out a mass email congratulating Marilyn Glover for her election to the school board.  Marilyn is an African-American Republican.  Burt's a slut. 
     I read the first paragraph and then couldn't hit delete fast enough. 
     However, one of my friends, who is the kind of person who can't resist looking at a car wreck, read the whole thing.  And, bless their hearts, sent it to me with instructions on how to read it properly.
     When you scroll way down in the email, goofy Burt left the remnants of an email conversation he had with Marilyn.  There are differing opinions on whether Burt did this on purpose or not.  He's goofy enough to do it by accident, but he's ego-bound enough to do it on purpose.
     Marilyn is already semi-famous for using faddish words and phrases she doesn't understand, but now she's hit the What The Hell Does She Mean? jackpot. 

     You know the drill.  Hit the little one to get the big one. 
     That's something I don't want to even think about, much less know about. 
     Burt's still a slut.



May 27 - Okay, so this has nothing to do with politics, but it's important.
     Pavlock Farms is harvesting corn this week.   Bubba and I bought some and, Honey, it is slap yo momma
good.  You do not even need butter on it.  Seriously.  I do not joke about corn.  Or butter, for that matter.
     Locals can head on over to Pavlock's off of Hwy 36 North on 210 Huntington.  You'll see a sign on 36 about a mile past going under the railroad bridge. 
     I can also speak highly of the homegrown squash and the fresh black eyed peas.  I cooked up the black eyes with a big sweet onion and some sausage last night.  Oh boy, that was tongue dancing food.
     Pavlock's is open every day except Sunday from 9 to 6.  They close a couple hours early on Saturday so they can eat the leftovers.
     Tell them I sent you and they won't charge you a penny extra.  However, that deal is only good for this week.



May 27 - Thank you, Jim Morin.



May 26 - Okay, you guys remember Shandra Perkins, the woman who got semi-famous for trying to ban sex toy parties in her hometown who then went on to glory by having Rick Perry nominate her to the Board of Pardons and Paroles because Rick Perry does not abide sex toys and God knows that's surely a qualification for the Board of Pardons and Paroles. 
     Well, Shandra got the boot, of course, by a vote of 27 - 4 but the upside for Republicans is that they got to talk dirty for a while.  They love to talk dirty.  And sex toys is one of their favorite dirty talk.  Bless her heart for providing that opportunity.
     So anyway they found this picture of Shandra standing in front of law books and used it to try to convince the Texas Senate that she can read and all so she's got to be qualified for a state board. 
     Come to find out, she was simply delivering Hunger Busters from her job over at the Dairy Queen. 
     Bless her heart.  For a minute there I thought maybe that was Katherine Harris behind all that Mary Kay. 


I thought that picture of Shandra Perkins was the "crackho" mentioned on the previous entry!  ROFLMAO
 
She looks like she just got off work from the strip club.
 
Sarah Smith
 

The taller the hair, the closer to God, right?

Hey Zeus


I could have gone my entire life without seeing that picture.  Reminds me of The Munsters.  

Maybe someday a cultural anthropologist might do a study of Republicans and hair. Could it be as easy to explain as them not having mirrors in their homes?  

Dennis



May 26 - I hope that Judge Sonia Sotomayor doesn't have as many problems getting confirmed as Obama's other nominee.

 

     Thanks to Carmen for the timely heads-up.



May 25 - Well my goodness, while I've been off celebrating the beginning of summer, something very nice happened here that caused my hit counter to go through the roof ---

Got to your site thru Crooks & Liars.  You're right about Republicans being meaner than 10 acres of snakes.  (Tho' I don't really think snakes are so bad.)

 I just like to say that Republican are one of three things...They're either  Mean, or Stupid,  or Mean and Stupid.   Joe Barton falls into the last category.

Cheers,
Chriss

     Thanks to my buddy Barbara in Dee Cee for giving me a heads-up through the mobile magic of Facebook.
     And thanks to the good folks at Crooks and Liars for letting everyone know that my little corner of Texas is full of those suckers!


May 25 - Here's the deal.  A woman in Houston who runs the website crackho.com (yeah, I know, it's a shame I didn't get that URL first so I could link it to the Mike Elliott for DA website) used a seal of the State of Alaska on her website
     She immediately got a cease and desist letter on official stationary from Governor Sarah Palin's lawyers because it appears that it's against Alaska law to use the seal of the State of Alaska without permission.  Who knew?  Not me, that's for sure.
     The letter says, "It has come to our attention that the website www.crackho.com has hijacked a State of Alaska webpage."  Well hell, when you put it that way.... I mean, hijacking on the Internet machine is something I hadn't even considered. 
     The letter states, "Alaska law prohibits the use of the official seal of the State of Alaska without permission.  Violation of this law is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $500 or six months imprisonment." 
     Dude, I need one of those letters.  Real bad.  I've got myself a frame ready, empty space on the wall and everything. 
     How cool is it to be in violation of Alaskan law?  Pretty damn cool.  And to have KissMyBigBlueButt written on Sarah Palin letterhead? Honey, that would bring several thousand dollars in an auction to benefit Democrats, just on the irony factor alone. 

 

    So, here ya go, Alaska writ twits.  Come on, make my day!

 

 


"Alaska law prohibits the use of the official seal of the State of Alaska without permission.  Violation of this law is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $500 or six months imprisonment." 

Honey, ain’t you in Texas?  Sarah gonna send a Mountie all the way down here to arrest you? 

Dennis

 Note from Susan:  Damn.  I hope so.  I've been needing myself a Mountie.

 



May 22 - All that hollerin' apparently stops at Rick Perry's door.

AUSTIN, Texas – While Gov. Rick Perry is criticizing Washington bailouts, state lawmakers are planning to use $11 million in federal stimulus money to help rebuild the badly burned Texas Governor's Mansion.

Approximately $10 million in state tax money will also be spent on a renovation, which is expected to cost about $20 million, officials said Thursday. A House-Senate committee agreed on the expenditures late Wednesday night.

The mansion was burned in an arson fire last summer.

Perry has railed against federal bailouts and what he called the free-spending, power-hungry ways of Washington. In January, he said Texas was endangered by Uncle Sam's "audacity."

     But what you don't know is that Rick is going to allow all out-of-work Texans to live in the mansion with him.  All you gotta do is show up with your bird dog and your daughter's out of work tattooed boyfriend and Rick will let you move right in.  It helps get you a better room if you bring your Bible and your "I Hate Homos" poster. 
     At first I thought Rick should raise the money for renovations through private donations.  However, Thelma pointed out that having his lobbyist buddies pay for the renovations would cost us far more in the long run.  She's probably right.
     Meanwhile, prepare to move into the Governor's mansion.  In fact, I think I'm gonna send him a letter about his free-spending power hungry ways of building me a vacation house right next to the capitol.


Hi, Susan, 

This is the funding by friends plan perfected.   In order to be ever again invited into the governor's (publicly funded) mansion, members of the TX lege just have to offer up their constituency's empty pockets to the Cause.   The policy originated with w and depends ultimately on the wives to insist they have Got to be seen in that greeting line at the mansion. 

Since it's a public place, I guess they allow weapons, too.

from Ruth


I think a burned out Governor's Mansion is a pretty good representation of Republican control of this state.  Has anyone checked with the next occupant, Kay Bailey Hutchison, as to her color scheme?

Sam



May 22 - Well, that's a relief.
     Jack Abramoff doesn't get to keep his income tax refund. 

Convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff should not be allowed to use his tax refund of more than $500,000 to pay back his lawyers, accountants and others because he has yet to make restitution for the millions of dollars he defrauded from Indian tribes he represented, the Justice Department says.

Abramoff admitted that he and Scanlon, a onetime press aide to former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Tex.), ran a kickback scheme that defrauded the tribes. Abramoff told tribes to hire Scanlon's public relations firm at inflated prices and the two split the profits.

     So we're still wondering if Tom DeLay gets to keep his tax return.


But the big fun here is the last paragraph..

'More than a dozen people, including an Ohio congressman and a deputy secretary of the interior, have been convicted in the wide-ranging federal investigation into the lobbying scandal, and Justice Department officials said the probe is continuing. Still under scrutiny are DeLay (R-Tex.) and former Rep. John T. Doolittle (R-Calif.)."

I wonder what they'll have to say over at Fox News when one of their favorite talking heads is finally led away in shackles.

Regards,
Charly Hoarse



May 22 - So, I'm usually the last person to find cool things on the Internets, but a friend told me about this site and it's pretty darned cool if you just need information quick. 
     It leans heavily toward the scientific as opposed to literary.  I asked it to figure my Body Mass Index and it gave me more information than I wanted.  I entered "Sonnet 18, Shakespeare" and it had no idea what I was talking about. 
     It's just a another time wasting fun toy brought to you by someone who thinks you don't waste near enough time.



May 21 - Poor Ole John Cornyn.  Now he's got the conservatives on his back.  (Warning, the link will take you to site where cooties are present.)
     The neo-nuts are upset that Cornyn endorsed Charlie Crist in Florida ---

Yet, in Florida, John Cornyn has endorsed a man who supports Obama’s spending and borrowing. How the hell does he expect to make the case to voters who have “anxiety about spending and borrowing” that they can trust Charlie Crist on that issue?

Senator, you should flush the endorsement and your manure filled statements along with it.

     Apparently, the neo-nuts like their Senators to be consistently crazzzy.
     Thanks to Dale for the heads-up.  It takes a very courageous man to look at rightwing sites.



May 20 - Y'all, Texas' own Smokey Joe Barton, Congresscritter from Dallas, has moved from damn weird into delightfully entertaining.  I think maybe that Jesus Cheeto was meant for him.
     This morning on C-Span, Smokey Joe was discussing the American Clean Energy Act ---

– “I would also point out that CO2, carbon dioxide, is not a pollutant in any normal definition of the term. … I am creating it as I talk to you. It’s in your Coca-Cola, your Dr. Pepper, your Perrier water. It is necessary for human life. It is odorless, colorless, tasteless, does not cause cancer, does not cause asthma.”

– “And something that the Democrat sponsors do not point out, a lot of the CO2 that is created in the United States is naturally created. You can’t regulate God. Not even the Democratic majority in the US Congress can regulate God.”

     You really have to see it.  It's especially cool to see him discuss how teenagers need big ole hunker cars because "we move around."

 

     Y'all, we need to get Smokey Joe is own teevee show.  He could do more to help Democrats than Rush Limbaugh ever dreamed of doing. 


You might be delighted to know that last night Rep. Joe Barton was Olbermann's Worst Person in the World, behind Sean Hannity,!

Sybil


Hi Susan!

2 comments about Smokey Joe

1. Do you not have an IQ test your state can give anybody wanting to go into government? You seem to have your share of, how to say this nicely, dolts,
representing your state.

2. Ask Smokey Joe if he would be willing to go into a sealed room with only his "natural" CO2 available to him.

This would solve 2 problems; Smokey Joe would no longer represent you and it would prove that although CO2 does occur  naturally and he may just want to regulate it. Or his estate, since he would be DEAD.
Honestly, does he not think before he opens his mouth?

Diane


Wrong gas ---

You and I emit CO2 when we exhale; Joe and his group breathe out something more on the order of Methane.

Sam
 



May 20 - Okay, I've made the trip between Houston and Dallas hundreds of times in my life, and Cheetos are my imitation cheese flavored cardboard crunch of choice, so how come this has never happened to me

A Preston Hollow couple driving home from Houston was snacking on a bag of Cheetos when Sara Bell had a religious experience.

"Jesus appeared," she told the Preston Hollow People newspaper last week.

Or more exactly – a Cheeto in the shape of what appears to be a two-inch tall figurine with extended arms.

Bell had bought a bag of Cheetos in Jersey Village, about 20 miles northwest of Houston, and was eating the cheese-flavored snack when she made the discovery, the newspaper reported.

     It's double odd because Sara Bell is a retired Methodist school teacher.  Things like this rarely happen to a retired Methodist school teacher.  Things like this happen to a retired Baptist beautician. 
     According to my rightwing fundamentalist friends, this is the first time a Methodist ever saw Jesus at all.  They say it has something to do with solar cycles or Michelle Obama's arms.  They are not sure which.


If you limit yourself to Cheetos, you'll  miss out on sooooo many opportunities...
 
There's the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich that sold on eBay for $28,000.

 
The donut in the shape of Texas(????) that fetched $5100.  At least that went to a hurricane relief fund.


 

 
A piece of toast that has a miracle image of Kay Bailey Hutchison's Official Campaign photo on it. 



 

A chicken breast with the profile of Pope John Paul II.  It's uncanny.


 

 
And finally, an Animal Cracker love story that is simply priceless.

USExpat
 


Dear Susan,

The Jesus Cheeto story you mentioned on May 20 intrigues me, as these things always do, because it makes me wonder: how do these folks know it's Jesus? I mean, it's not like there are any photographs of Jesus floating around, nor even any contemporary images. Nobody knows what Jesus looked like. That Cheeto might be the spitting image of his next-door-neighbor or the guy who ran the Galilee Falafels-R-Us store.

Something to ponder.

Regards,
Deb
West Yorkshire, UK
 

 



May 19 - The Texas Senate has just given preliminary approval to a bill allowing college students to carry concealed handguns on campus.  The vote was 10 - 20. 
     Yes, that solves a major problem in Texas:  not enough gun play on college campuses.

UPDATE: Crazzzy and Proud of it!

Sen. Jeff Wentworth, R-San Antonio, said he introduced the bill because of the 2007 massacre at Virginia Tech, where he said victims were "picked off like sitting ducks."

"I would feel personally guilty if I woke up one morning and read that something similar had occurred on a Texas campus," he said.

     Yo, Jeff.  Listen up.  How guilty are you going to feel when the cops show up and can't tell the good guys from the bad guys and neither can the extra gun toters who will come running at the sound of gunshots because they are so damn anxious to use up their ammo?
     Democratic State Senator Rodney Ellis has this to say ---

"As it is today, campus law enforcement knows that if they see someone on campus with a gun, that person is violating the law and needs to be treated as a suspect.  Under SB 1164, we are going to make if much more difficult for law enforcement to know who the bad actors are. 

"Senate Bill 1164 is a bad solution to a serious problem.  It makes us feel like we've gotten tough -- deputizing students -- but the fact is that the universities don't want it and law enforcement doesn't want it because they know it will not make our campuses safer."

    Nobody wants this but grandstanding Republicans. 


As a soon-to-be law student, I’d like to announce that if this bill is passed, not only will I carry a gun to class, but I will take it out of its holster, place it prominently on the table in front of me, and idly caress it anytime my professor asks a question I can’t answer. Furthermore, I will occasionally make casual references to it by the name “Archimedes,” and mutter to myself about a snail sliding along the edge of a straight razor.

Elizabeth



May 19 - The President of Rush Limbaugh's Fan Club, GOP Chair Michael Steele, has got his thinker mechanism in a knot this morning.
     He's saying that the Democrats are pushing America "to the left farther and faster than I think anyone could have imagined."
     I wish.
     Of course, Steele doesn't truly believe that either but that's the argument he uses to justify that the GOP must be given some power to keep America from falling off the left edge.
     Yo.  Cowboy.  Pull in on them reins and take notice that in the last eight years we've been a locomotive on a greased track headed downhill with a Saturn Five rocket on our butts pulled by a bullet with legs.  Honey, we went downhill so fast that it's gonna take us a year to pull to a halt.
     Now, I searched the Internets, and all during this time I cannot find one statement from Michael Steele saying, "Let's let the Democrats have some power." 
     I wonder why that is?
     I suspect it's because that Mr. Steele keeps most of his religion in his wife's name and all his cajones in Rush Limbaugh's pocket. 


Susan,
 
I'm still pondering Mr. Steele's comments on Meet the Press last Sunday -
Torture may have been wrong before our guys said it was ok to use it, and it may be wrong now, but it was NOT wrong when we used it during Bush's tenure.  Imagine that!!!  What a putz. 
 
Stephanie
up in Arlington


May 18 - For you folks from foreign states, here's DA John Healey and Former ADA Mike Elliott going after each other on teevee.  Enjoy!
     Yeah, they're both tad sissy.      
     And, for the record, the reason that Healey doesn't try cases in court is because he's even a worse lawyer than Elliott. 


Dear Susan,
    Thank you for the link to the clip about Mr. Elliott.  Just hearing Dominque Sachse again was worth it but hearing her say "...but others say prosecutor Mike Elliott had a history of poor performance during his seventeen years on the job.", well that just cracked me up.  It took seventeen years to discover his poor performance?
    The whole thing reminds me of our own District Attorney who can't seem to win a case on his own and seems to lose a bunch that shouldn't have been brought in the first place.  Like the one against the students who participated in the annual "streak" up at the Pennsyltucky Snake Yewniversity.  He lost that one when a clever defense attorney (former prosecutor from a neighboring county) pointed out that in order to sustain a charge of public lewdidty, someone has to be upset by the action and since everyone was cheering, no one could have been upset.  He too had to fire one of the prosecutors -- the one who specialized in abuse cases was sending steamy text messages to witnesses.

Don A  in Pennsyltucky



May 18 - For those of you keeping score, our own Texas Governor Rick Perry just made Dickipedia.

Rick Perry is the longest-serving governor in Texas history, making him one of the most influential people in a state primarily known for its barbecue, belt buckles, longhorn hood ornaments, and lethal injections of the mentally handicapped. As such, Perry has appointed nearly every state officer, board, or commission member a governor can appoint someone to, including five of the nine state supreme court justices. He also does most of the choreography for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

Leathery and blow-dried, Perry easily lays claim to the title of “Most Bouffant U.S. Governor,” especially now that Rod Blagojevich has officially been barred from holding the office ever again.

     So, he's no longer known as Rickalicious, huh?



May 18 - Bubba, Jr. and Mrs. Jr. are here visiting for a few more days so you get nothing from me of importance today because I'm out doing fun things while you're stuck at the office. 
     There's a press conference this afternoon about the Mike Elliott firing.  I'll bring you more information about that, but meanwhile I just gotta tell you that having your DA tape a pink slip to the underside of a glass tabletop, and then have the guy he's firing move books to see it, is about the damn weirdest thing I've ever heard of and it's all everybody is talking about.  Nobody is talking about the firing because that was loooong overdue, but everybody is talking about the glass top table. 
     I still go with the porno flick explanation, but someone else said it was DA John Healey's attempt at being funny.  As I have explained before, Healey has absolutely no sense of humor.  He had a humorectomy years ago and hasn't been able to get reconstructive surgery under his health plan, which is tragic because even when you tell him that something is funny, he still doesn't laugh. 
     All in all, I, for one, really look forward to the Healey / Elliott fight.  I know both these boys, and it's gonna be a hair-pulling, fingernail scratching, purse slapping event.  We really need to bring in RuPaul to judge this thing.  That failing, I guess I have to be the one.
     I'm gonna be rating their verbal assaults against each other with tubes of lipstick raging from 1 tube for "Oh sister, that was lame," to 5 tubes for "Girlfriend, get back!" 
     I'm looking forward to this.  Yes, I am.

     And because I'm leaving you to your own devices today, here's a little grinner ---


May 15 - It's true.  DA John Healey finally fired ADA Mike Elliott today at 5:00 and had him escorted from the building by bailiffs. 

UPDATED:     Here is John Healy leaving the courthouse tonight at 7:00.  He confirmed that he did, in fact, fire Mike Elliott today.  I asked why Elliott was fired and Healy replied, "Not for anything he did today."  Healey says he will have more to say on Monday morning but was going home now for dinner and ball game.

    With all the crazy things Mike Elliott has done in the past and not gotten fired, everybody was wondering what the fool tarnation he did that finally, finally warranted firing.  I mean, think about it.  This has to be something outstandingly evil or frighteningly gross.
     In absence of any real information about this long overdue event, the best we can offer you is the Top Ten Unsubstantiated Rumors of Why ADA Mike Elliott was fired:

TOP TEN UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMORS OF
WHY MIKE ELLIOTT WAS FIRED

1.  Apparently he was overheard saying that Rush Limbaugh is not The Anointed One.  Word came directly from Michael Steele to fire his butt.

2.  Turns out he was the one stealing Annie Elliott's political signs.

3.  Discovered that prosecutorial immunity does not protect you from swine flu. 

4.  Mike Elliott learned the hard way that you really should clear your internet browser before you leave for lunch.

5.  Just sayin'.  Mayor Jamie Roberts.  Voodoo doll.  You do the math.

6.  Elliott's behavior became such a political and civil liability that even someone with Healey's very limited political instincts had to get rid of him. 

7.  The Texas Bar Association Disciplinary Division named a whole new section after him:  Mike's Hike. 

8. Police reports indicate he forcefully enter the Las Vegas hotel room of two reputable sports memorabilia dealers, assaulted them, and demanded the return of his Heisman trophy.

9. I'm not sure of the specifics, but his dismissal order mentions something about "inappropriate foot-tapping and hand signals in Healey's private restroom."

10. The political climate has grown unfavorable due to the infamous "Indictment to Nowhere."

Bob Dunn has the whole bizarre story!  This promises to be the best feud in Fort Bend history since the Jaybird Woodpecker Wars.  Except this one has the added funfest element of two severely weird guys and an upcoming election.  KMBBB will be your premier source for all things odd and amazing in this continuing saga of Mike and John's Crazy Summer Vacation!
     (He taped his pink slip to the underside of a glass tabletop?  I think I saw that in a porno flick once.)


Susan, you made a very happy weekend for the entire justice community in Fort Bend County.  You're the only "news source" confirming it and you even have pictures!  It's good to have Juanita back!

Is he going to apply for work at All States Roofing or Fulshear City Hall?

Lovingly, 
Legal Tender


You know more than you're telling, don't you?

HT

Dear HT - I'm not telling. Susan


So you're saying that the Democrats will win the DA's race in two years through no fault of their own?

Carl



Susan,
 
As the Fort Bend Republicans form a circular firing squad, I think that it's time for us Democrats to step up to the plate and support them.  We need to invite them to Wal Mart after church tomorrow and buy them some live ammo since they've been firing blanks for years.
 
mw


May 15 - Just when you thought it was safe to breathe again ...

The number of Travis Elementary School students diagnosed with swine flu has jumped to 12, likely the largest cluster of the new influenza virus in Texas, health officials said today. The school will be closed until May 26, HISD officials said.

Nearly 400 of the Heights-area school's 712 students stayed home sick today, and a steady stream of parents were removing their children from school throughout the day.

     This is in Houston.  It's hot and sultry today so I wasn't planning on breathing anyway.



May 15 - I think James Dobson just enjoys talking dirty.  Don't listen to this Momma, because Dr. Dobson lingers just a tad too long on some of these words, rolling them around in his mouth and enjoying them before he moves on to another one with the alacrity and joy of a little girl picking posies.
     Dr. Dobson, who is apparently an expert on these things, says there's 30 forms of sexual deviancy.  Thirty.  Cripes, I only know two or three - you know, the fun ones. 

 

     The dirtiest talk I have ever heard in my life comes from the religious right.  We've got this woman here in Fort Bend named Terese Raia who was one of the founders of the Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club.  Terese is just not happy unless she's discussing in graphic details what homosexual do alone in a bedroom not bothering anybody else except Terese who can't quit thinking about it. 
     A word to Dr. Dobson:  Hon, there are now officially 31 sexual deviancies.  They named the new one for you.  Dobsonaphilia is fretting way to much about what other people do in private.


Susan-


  1) Note to Dr. Dobson: you are incorrect,  there are 32. My wife and I are quite sure about this, having conducted extensive research over the last couple of years (not to mention buying a pastry or two at Nookie's).

  2) Note to Wanda Sykes: you rock big-time..

 3) Note to Michael Steele: you're Urkel from Family Matters, aren't you? No? Get that resume updated anyway, buddy.

 3) Note to Miss California: bimbos shouldn't pontificate about anything, unless it's a great place to get a pedicure.

  Note To Rush The Entertainer: last month I compared you to the airship belonging a world-famous tire company... silly me. The airship belonging to the world-famous tire company is an elliptical semi-rigid object  filled with an inert gas; you are an elliptical semi-rigid object, too, but that gas inside you is definitely not  inert.

Kellybee



Sounds like Dobson has been having sleepovers with Ted Haggard.
 
Sam
 

Dear Susan,
I get these guys mixed up! Wasn't it Dobson whose mama spanked him with her girdle?  Is that included in the 31 kinds?  Maybe it could lead to one of the 31 kinds!

Sybil



May 15 - Maybe it's just me, but I have had it up to here with Dick Cheney.  I've only got about one nerve left after the Bush administration, and Dick Cheney is getting all over it.
     My friend Brian wonders ---

Susan,
 
Seeing Dick Cheney talk more in public the last two weeks than he did the previous 8 years is so good it almost makes me want to get a TV. How long do you think it will be until he has a Col. Jessup moment? 
 
Brian

     Soon, Brian, soon.



May 14 - Thank you, Don Wright ----



May 13 - Y'all, there's something real wrong with Texas Governor Rick Perry.  I just don't think he's coming up for air often enough or something.
     His latest nominee to the State Board of Pardons and Paroles has no college and no experience, but she did sleep in a Holiday Inn last night.  And, she has had family members in prison.
     However, her greatest qualification for the $95,000 a year job seems to be ---

Perkins was also notable for her role in stopping the sale of sex toys in Burleson in 2004. An arrest in that case eventually led a federal appeals court to overturn Texas' law banning the sale of sex toys.

     So, she was on the losing end of the Texas sex toys case.  Well hell's bells, that alone should get her an Evening With Rick!  I'm just saying.
     Burleson is a small town south of Dallas / Fort Worth with 30,000 very frustrated souls and one very mean old woman who isn't going to get on the Board of Pardons and Parole. 

"This person is unqualified," said Sen. John Whitmire, D-Houston, who led the charge against Perkins' confirmation. "This is not a partisan issue. This is not a personal issue."

     Ya think?
     Thanks for the heads-up from Sarah. 



May 13 - You know, sometimes the Big Dog knows just how to bark.

Bill Clinton jokingly laughed off a question Wednesday about former Vice President Dick Cheney and his recent claims that the country is less safe under the Obama administration.

"I wish him well," Clinton told CNN while greeting voters after a campaign stop with Virginia gubernatorial candidate Terry McAuliffe. "It's over," he added, apparently a reference to the Bush administration.

"But I do hope he gets some more target practice before he goes out again," Clinton said with a grin before moving along the ropeline.

     And watch Bill smile when he says it.  Also, Donna Brazille, who is the second smartest woman in television, couldn't keep a straight face either. 



May 13 Thank you, Jack Ohman ---



May 13 - My friend Christi Dunn writes a great blog called Motherguilt.  Bless her heart, Christi still has little squirmy ones at home.  I don't, and I could not possibly be more proud of that.
     I haven't been able to offer much comfort to Christi, except that at some point I made a decision about this guilt thing:  I decided to be a distributor instead of a carrier. 
     Christi's blog is one you might want to keep up with so I put a link over on the left.  Today's entry is fun - she writes about riding the bus.  Christi is a secure woman - she even encourages backsass.



May 13 - Kathy wonders if Rush has already moved to Texas ---

Purse, pills taken from unlocked car

Someone took a $100 purse from a 2005 Mazda car in the 900 block of 11th Street at 10 a.m. Sunday, Freeport police said.

There were 12 hydrocodone capsules inside the purse that also were taken, police said.

There were no signs of forced entry, and the car was left unlocked, police said.

Officers have no suspects, police said.

     Brazoria County - just up the road from me.  Honey, if you have $100 and a dozen hydrocodone pills, you're the most popular girl in Brazoria County.  Hell, they'll let you be mayor!



May 12 - Well, rats!  And it was working so well for the Palin Family.  Oh, wait.  Never mind.

President Obama's new budget would eliminate most money for abstinence-only sex education and shift it to teen pregnancy prevention — a U-turn in what has been more than a decade of sex education policy in the USA.

The proposed budget, sent to Congress last Thursday, "reflects the research," says Melody Barnes, director of the team that coordinates White House domestic policy.

     Reflects the research?  What the hell kind of talk is that?  Up until now, we did faith based education in this country.  We didn't care what the research said, we just believed things weren't happening
     Oh Lord, when the Steeple People hear this they're gonna get so mad that they'll go out and buy more guns.


Susan,

I sent two children through the Abstinence Only Sex Education programs in Texas public schools and it is my belief that this program is directly responsible for the increase in teen pregnancies.

I reviewed the materials my children were taught on the subject. The texts used very clearly stated in bold that condoms do not work to prevent pregnancy and STD's while footnoting the failure rates of condoms in very fine print at the bottom of the page. Common sense would tell anyone with half a brain what two teenagers who decide to have sex will do who have gone through this education program. Why would they
decide to use a condom if it does not work?

It is my belief that the people who promote this program do not genuinely have the goal of reducing pregnancy or STD's. The actual motivation for this type of sex ed is the belief that teens who violate abstinence should be punished for their "sin."

Barbara S


 



May 12 - Y'all, he's two delusions beyond the limits of insanity.  He's walking the street wearing nothing but a coonskin cap, talking to birds, and carrying a grudge the size of Vermont.  He's Pete Sessions.

WASHINGTON – U.S. Rep. Pete Sessions of Dallas, a member of the House Republican leadership, is accusing President Barack Obama of intentionally driving up unemployment and dampening stock prices in a bid to consolidate power.

Sessions told The New York Times that the administration intends to “diminish employment and diminish stock prices” as part of a “divide and conquer” strategy.

And he asserted that the Obama agenda is “intended to inflict damage and hardship on the free enterprise system, if not to kill it.”

     Look, Pete, if Obama really wanted to kill the economy, he'd use all those leftover Janet Reno black helicopters piloted by members of the Illuminati.
     I'll tell you a conspiracy theory, Pete:  You know how you guys were going to hold government under water until it drowned?  Well, you were partially successful - only you got confused and did it to the Republican Party.
     For that, I am thankful. 
     Meanwhile, Pete, check your meds, Babe, you're a milligram of Thorazine off center. 


This guy now now has official clown status.

Steve


Susan,
 
Several years ago, I read somewhere that the theory was that the level of violent crime in El Paso was so low because of the naturally-occuring lithium in the local water.  Uh-huh.
 
Has the water in Pete Sessions part of Texas  been evaluated lately?
 
As a loyal Democrat, I am just sittin' back an enjoying the spectacle that is Dick Cheney, Michael Steele, Newt Gringrich, Mike Huckabee, etc., etc.  I'm waiting for just one of 'em to say something that might make a disinterested voter say, "That makes sense!"
 
I am not, however, holding my breath.
 
Barbara H


May 11 - My friend Richard is terrified that Texas may lose our distinction of being Gold Label Nut Country because Georgia is making a darn good run at us

Really, you can’t make this stuff up. You have to read it in full to believe it. Even then you can’t believe it. You thought that “nullification” had been rendered inoperative by the Civil War? Well, think again. You considered secession a pre-Appomattox kind of thing? Well, reconsider. You assumed that John C. Calhoun was a dead parrot? Well, turns out he was only resting.

The resolution is written in a mock eighteenth-century style, ornate and pompous. Just two of its twenty sentences account for more than 1,200 of its 2,200 words. But the substance is even nuttier than the style.

     They want another civil war.  And, I suspect this one will be no more civil than the last one was.  Getting blacks out of slavery was bad enough, but putting one in the White House? ... well nosireee, we're taking our trucks and going home.  Hell, we already got us some flags. 

     But, Texas is holding on fast to being Championship Crazzzy.  Why, we even charge our rape victims for their rape kits because, surely, she did something wrong. 

CNN reports that Texas hospitals are charging women who have been raped thousands of dollars for their rape kits that are collected by police as part of their investigations. According to CNN, Texas’s crime victim compensation fund consistently has a surplus and could likely cover these expenses.

      So, the way I see it, as of this morning, it's neck-and-neck between Texas and Georgia.  Red neck, that is.


Susan, Great Dittoheads think alike!! Alaskan rape victims also get charged for rape kits. The Palinator and Gov. Good Hair are kindred spirits, it seems. Who knew??

Molly would have RUN with this one!!

Sharon



Georgia ain't got nothin' as long as Texas has Crazy Pete representing us in DC.
 
"Sessions told the Times that Obama's plan is to "diminish employment and diminish stock prices." By doing so, Obama "intended to inflict damage and hardship on the free enterprise system, if not to kill it" as part of a "divide and conquer" strategy to consolidate power."
 
Go Pete Go!  No, seriously.  Go Pete.
 
USexpat
 

Maybe we could hold a formal contest between Georgia and Texas.  It would be a lose/lose situation.

Karen
 



May 10 - Thank you, Jim Morin ---



May 8 - #1 way to insure that I most certainly will go on your property (or at least get close enough for a picture)  ---

     An reporter buddy and I were noseying around yesterday and came across this sign.  Thank God for camera phones.
     We decided, after having earlier driven right past a sign that says "Trespassers will be prosecuted," that the really cool thing about having a press pass is that you can go anywhere that nobody else wants to go - you can get right in the middle of fires, car wrecks, or fresh crime scenes. 
     And, here's a thought for the weekend: if you do the crime, be sure to check your butt for incriminating evidence first ---

ID BY PANTS - Missouri City Police released a photo zooming in on the unique cloth pattern on the back of a bank robber's pants. The man, who robbed a Compass Bank branch on April 14, tased a bank employee during the crime. Police are seeking the public's help in identifying him (click photo for related story).



May 7 - Mary from New Hampshire just sent me a clip she found to be funny in an ironic kind of way.
     It appears that the prissy Mr. Sean Hannity finds it oh so haughty that Barack Obama asked for mustard on his hamburger.  Dijon mustard.
     It appears that Mr. Hannity thinks Dijon mustard is some kind of fancy-pants condiment found only in French refrigerators. 
     Not so. 
     Here is a rare glimpse into my refrigerator. 
     There's some of that there fancy Dijon Mustard, exclusive HEB house brand as a matter of fact, sitting right next to my box Sangria from Target and in front of my high falutin' DelValle Nectar de Pina, which I buy by the case when Fiesta puts them on sale for 3 for a buck. 
     Yep, I'm one of them librul snobs who eat mustard.  I confess.  I do not eat ketchup on hamburgers.  I love ketchup.  I think French fries are merely a delivery system for ketchup.  I can eat ketchup out of the bottle.  I love the stuff.  But I do not put ketchup on hamburgers.  Hot dogs, yes.  But mayo and mustard on hamburgers. 
     What's wrong with these conservatives?  Eating ketchup on hamburgers.  Weird.


Mr. Hannity seems not to know that Grey Poupon Dijon mustard, that of the snooty commercials, is a product of Kraft Foods.

Mark H


Susan - everybody else is checking their refrigerator, too.

Hey Zeus


     Susan. Those sanctimonious conservatives should try something entirely unique – for them. Open a dictionary and look up the word liberal. It’s under the L’s. You can enjoy the shock on their unpleasant faces when they discover that most of them really are, or wished they were, liberals.

Bud


Susan Honey, if this is the best Sean can get on our President, then I am a very happy man.  Obama drives them nuts, doesn't he?

John P



That mustard thing officially sent me off the deep end.  Especially the Laura Ingraham clip.  What is WRAWNG with those people and why don't they eat mustard on their hamburgers??? 

Stephanie


Here, let me break this down for you...
 
1.  This is the definitive Internets webtube for snooty food - http://snootyfoodie.com/dishes.aspx
 
2.  There is little doubt that this snooty food website convulsively establishes Dallas Texas as a dump truck for snooty food.
 
3.  Dallas is the home of Southern Non-Bapdist University, the adoptive home of George the W, the Forty-Sump'n Former President of the United States.
 
4.  Snooty Food = Dallas = SN-BU = W.  Ergo Non-Sequester Ipso Factoid Peninsular, the fact of the matter is that Shill O'Rantitty has a man-crush on George the W.  It's a well known fact that Sean wants to slather W with We-Want-The-Terrorists-To-Win-Dijon condiments.
 
5.  I forget what 5 is.  Here, read this - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/05/04/joe-the-plumber-queer-mea_n_196116.html  It will appeal to your Librul sensibilities.
 
USmus-tard

Hi Susan,

I put ketchup and green chile on my burgers ......... maybe I need to start a third party?

Sybil



May 7 - Well, see, there are talented people in the room.
     USexpat made me an award for being as dangerous as an Islamic terrorist.  Click here for the Word Doc to make one for yourself. 



May 7 - Thank you, Gary Markstein.



May 7 - You know the really crazy guy down in Brazoria County who writes for the Alvin Sun?  Well, he just said that I am more dangerous that an Islamic terrorist. 

I repeat: I consider today's Liberalism to be as great an enemy of our traditional American way of Life as Islamic terrorism.

     Okay, so he didn't say me exactly, but I'm taking it real personal.  And you should, too. 
     Look, I've heard that I'm dangerous with a golf club, and I've been known to hurt people with my cooking, and if you get between me and a purse sale, you're taking your life into your own hands, but Islamic terrorist?  Honey, that's a new honor I haven't put on my fireplace mantle yet. 
     I put the following comment on their website.  They haven't posted it yet but maybe they will ---

I am a liberal. I am highly concerned about you saying that I am as dangerous as an Islamic terrorist. I'd like to have a piece of paper or a medal to prove that so I can tape it to my front door to keep the door-to-door salesmen and the rare conservative away. Are you supplying those or do I have to get them through Newt Gingrich?

     If any of you talented folks out there can draw up a certificate from Mr. W. Edward Murphy attesting as to my danger, I would appreciate it sincerely.  I'll even send a copy to Mr. Murphy asking him to sign it hisownself.  I'm sure they give him some manner of seal to legitimize claims such as that.

 
Susan, I was born into a Muslim family, and I am a Liberal.  Thank you for joining me as an Islamic Terrorist.  But really I think Mr. Murphy is full of bull sh**, which make him an expert in fertilizers, products used to make bombs.

Love with all my ammo,
Farhan


May 6 - Well, it happened.
     The Texas State Board of Education took science out behind the barn and beat it to death with the books of the Old Testament.

 

    This was nothing more than a wedge to allow teaching that the earth is 6,000 years old and that God planted dinosaur bones just to jack with us.
     Mrs. Cargill also believes that the scientific explanation for gravity is one of two things:  (1) Jesus likes everything to be on the floor, or (2) Satan is trying to steal all the cool stuff. 


Susan,  Now you've done it!   You put that Cargill link right out where unsuspecting idiots like myself can get to it.  Don't think I've ever heard such drivel in my whole life.  I'm glad that there was an interpreter handy  to explain just what it was that the dimwit was saying.  Poor old Texas, first it was the Alamo, Bush, Tom whatshisname, and now Cargill.  Isn't it about time for the TA&M people to come up with a pill of some sort to end it all?

Al



May 6 - Damn, I love Houston politics.  I truly do.  Where else would a guy who uses a photo like this in his advertising ...

     ... also use this statement?

He is a strong advocate for pro-life, is passionately dedicated to the rights of the unborn, and believes that marriage should only take place between a man and a woman. Like our Founding Fathers, TJ does not support a state sanctioned or required religion but believes our nation can only achieve greatness under the hand of God. TJ also believes in the right to bear arms as stated in the Second Amendment of the United States Constitution and all attempts to change that are unconstitutional. In the position of mayor, TJ Huntley’s abilities may be limited by state and federal laws, but his influence on the city shall be prominent, his values will never decrease and he will always promote honorable morals within our city.

     Dude, it's a real relief to know that, as mayor, you're gonna limit yourself to doing legal things about my values.  I was having visions of tar and feather and burning at the stake until I got to that last sentence.  Phew! 
     Now, here's a link to his website, but it comes with a warning.  Turn down the freekin' sound before you click it.  He's got a self-produced YouTube on there with loud background music far more appropriate for Lincoln's funeral.  It comes on automatically and it scared the crap out of my dog.  Well, it kinda scared me, too. 
     Anyway, come to find out, Mr. Huntley does not own property in Houston, runs his Missouri real estate business from his laptop out of local Starbucks, and has never been to a city council meeting. 
     He does, however, know a very cool barber. 


Susan - his picture is missing a halo.

 Bud


Susan,

 From those pictures Teejay may very well have a future in the Republican Party. Pro-life, pro traditional marriage and armed theocrat, looking for someone who might want to go around the corner with him to relieve a little tension.

Brian



May 6 - I know for a fact that some people are so stoopid that you have to tell them, "This whole baseball thing as a sport seems to be working out."
     It appears that Republicans are on that list.

Dr. Frank Luntz, a top Republican consultant on the language of politics, is warning the GOP that the American people want health-care reform and that lawmakers need to try to avoid directly opposing President Barack Obama.

“You simply MUST be vocally and passionately on the side of REFORM,” Luntz advises in a confidential 26-page report obtained from Capitol Hill Republicans. “The status quo is no longer acceptable."

     Hey, that Frank Luntz can see lightening and hear thunder, which, bless his lonely heart, puts him four steps ahead of the rest of Republicans in America.  
     Another "confidential" thoughts to Republicans:  This Obama guy seems to be getting some traction. 


Hi Susan,
 
Thought you might like to see proof that Republicans really are clowns.
 
This page shows your (and mine) favorite Texas doofus 'pubbie but check out both pages. It's a hoot.
 
Take care,
Grace


May 6 - Thank you, Don Wright, for introducing us to the new GOP!



May 5 - Phew!  Well, that's over.  I think swine flu was the biggest bust we've had around here since LaWanda Brown had the reduction surgery.  LaWanda should have been in the Olympics for being able to sit up, Honey!
     But this was bigger.  I personally think it was created by the hand sanitizer people, kinda like the supposed ammo shortage is being created by ... well, duh, the ammo industry. 
     There's no shortage of ammo.  There is, however, a shortage of flip flops, so, as my Facebook friends know,  I'm stocking up!



May 5 - Happy Cinco de Mayo!  Margaritas on the house all day today! 

     As a special treat, I'll share one of my favorite Average Betty recipes.  It's politics, it's fun, it's cheese!  Enjoy Average Betty and be sure to know your Tex-Mex heroes!
     I'm having a girlfriend lunch over near the Margarita machine so if I don't make any sense this afternoon ... who the heck will know the difference?



May 4 - So it appears that Florida is taking aim at Texas in the crooked politician division. However, at least Florida has a Grand Jury in full operating position.

  Susan. I read this and thought of you and the State of Texas. Every prostitute that has ever served time for selling their bodies should have their record expunged. All of the political whores should visit a cell block for an extended period of time. You continue to be my first read every morning.

Bud

Legislators are in full whine now, saying those nasty old grand jurors just don't understand how the system works. Ha. Sounds to me like they understood it just fine.

Big campaign donor gets state to build him an airplane hangar disguised as a college building 15 miles away from the campus. Without discussion or debate. No scrutiny by state education officials who normally approve such projects. No discussion by budget committees.



May 4 - Thank you, David. 

     Which reminds me, they are talking about our goofy State Board of Education in stinkin' England

Hillis says Texas's high school curriculum is already behind. "We have some excellent high schools in Texas and some excellent teachers. And we have high schools where they're teaching 18th or 19th century science." If the new standards prevail, more entering students will be unprepared. "If students don't have any evolutionary biology, that means even more remedial education we have to do."

     I hope the State Board of Education is happy.  When you've got British people laughing at you, you've managed an impressive feat.  After all, this is their marathon race.



May 3 - Y'all, this might be fun. 
     One of my conservative friends forwarded me an  email from some joint called Newsmax called "A Call to Arms" (Whoa, these conservatives are so danged anxious to shoot somebody!) that goes like this ----

Urgent Message from Newsmax.com  

Dear Newsmax Reader:

We have been warning that President Barack Obama is leading America down a dangerous path to socialism.

But, en route, he will take us through an even longer recession than we needed to have, rocketing inflation, and, perhaps, a second downturn to cure the inflation.

All this will have grave implications each of our personal assets and stock portfolios.

Many people are worried — and they have good reason to worry.

It's extremely important for Americans to take steps now to protect their money and their financial freedom.

This is why Newsmax and Moneynews are hosting a special online seminar online called “The Call To Arms” hosted by famed former CNN anchor Bob Losure.

This urgent online meeting is scheduled for Thursday, May 7th.

I am pleased to announce that Dick Morris, the famous Fox News analyst, will be joining us for this important meeting to reveal his take on the current political and economic situation.

We expect upwards of 250,000 people to participate.

I want to encourage you to sign up for this "Call to Arms" online meeting.

There is no charge to attend.

After you sign up, they will give you FREE access to a members-only website.

This site will help you protect your wealth and investments from the far-reaching hands of Barack Obama and the Democrats in Washington.

Please sign up for this no risk online meeting — Go Here Now.

Thank you.

     Well, I don't know about you but when I want to protect my money from greedy politicians, the first name I think of is toe-sucking, whoring, lisping Dick Morris.  And apparently conservatives do, too!
     I'm laying two to one odds that this "Call To Arms" will feature a way to part you from your money and into Newmax's  pocket. 
     I'm signing up, Dude. 

By signing up for the webcast, you will be granted V.I.P access to this website at no charge whatsoever.

Together we will take back what’s rightfully ours . . . the American Dream we were raised to be proud of. Not this path towards Socialism we are being force fed now.

     And then onward to the Reader's Digest Sweepstakes Winner's Circle!
     Good Lord, it don't take a marketing degree to see guys trying to make a buck, ya know.


oh, Susan, i'd signup too but i just have too much stoopid in my life right now to deal with anymore.  i've gotta husband, an ex-husband, a 16 yr old foster son & 2 younger boys.  that ain't even counting the 20 indoor dogs.  i don't even want to know why the younger boys are having peeing contests from the tops of trees, so listening to republicans just might put me in a coma.  my thoughts will be with you however.   best of luck.

Mary from NH


A conference hosted by Bob Loser, excuse me, Losure.  And I'm going to tune in to hear Famed Fox News analyst Dick Morris.  Couldn't they have shortened that to inept or despicable or better still, Liar.
 
Sam

Oh so *now* they're worried about the country.  8 years too late, buds.  The American Dream ended with George Bush.

Fools.

John B


Susan,  I know that trashgroup, Newsmax.com.  One day I went to a little used email appl Yahoo Email,  opened it because it said I had umptygazillion emails  to open.  I went to my inbox and found it full to overflowing with crap from Newsmax.com, which I promptly deleted and cannot find the thingee that makes it all go away and not come back.  I read one that first time, but since have just gone to the "Delete All" and get rid of it  before it makes my PC smell bad.  A pox on Yahoo for allowing such crap.  

Al Squirely
(not squirrely)(mostly not)


Just last year, Prostitute Toe-Sucker Dick Morris was forced to pay $2 million in back taxes, so I guess he does know something about keeping money from the gubmint.  Right up until the point that they come to haul him off to jail, and then he hands it over.  I'm sure he has valuable, sage advice that will benefit all the Newsmax nitwits. 

Anne in Wisconsin

 



May 2 - Kathy reminds us that some people are too stoopid to live.

Police Beat for May 2, 2009

BRAZORIA

Handgun missing from porch

A 9-millimeter semi-automatic handgun was reported missing from the front porch of a home in the 3800 block of CR 651 near Brazoria about 1:30 p.m. Monday, a sheriff’s office spokeswoman said.

The owner left the gun on the front porch and when the owner returned, it was gone. The weapon is valued at $200.

     I cannot find this location on a Google map, but I highly suspect it's a trailer park.  And the handgun was most likely sitting atop a broken washing machine. 


It's a simple explanation if you live in Brazoria County-he kept the gun there to keep anyone from stealing one of the cars on blocks in the front yard.
 
Sam


May 1 - Okay, this guy should be required to go babysit all the Lamar Junior High schoolers.  That would be a most appropriate punishment.

   In a case of what a spokesperson for the Texas Attorney General’s Office told the Fort Bend Herald Friday morning is the first reported case of alleged price gouging related to swine flu, a Richmond medical supply company reportedly tried to sell a box of 35 paper masks for $350 Thursday.

     Rats!  The first case just had to be in my hometown.  I've done my last business with KO Medical Supply. Okay, so I haven't done my first business with them yet but I assure you that I won't. 



May 1 - Sorry I'm a late getting this up.  I do not have swine flu.  They closed the junior high school right down the road from me for a week which seems like unnecessarily cruel and unusual punishment to parents, and they just cancelled jury duty all week in the county which just seems like lazy judges to me. 
     Good Lord, pink eye has killed more people than swine flu.  I mean, I don't want to get pink eye but they don't shut down the county when somebody does. 

 

 


Welcome to the website formerly known as The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston.
I live in Richmond, Texas, in heart of Tom DeLay's old district.  It's crazy here.  No, seriously, it's triple z crazzzy.

I used to be an independent voter, but that all changed when I got to know a few local Republicans.  They are meaner than 10 acres of snakes and have the ethical compass of a bank robber. 

So, I decided that they could just Kiss My Big Blue Butt.

A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.

This ain't a blog.  Blogs are way too trendy for me.  I've been doing this since 1992, so I'm used to it even if you ain't. 

Email me and I'll find a place to put it if I like it.