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April 30 -
David gives us a heads-up that
in Finland they're calling swine flu
the TexMex virus.
Look, you Finnish sons of motherless goats, this is not
the TexMex flu. I have had the TexMex flu -
several times, in fact. It generally involves Jose
Cuervo and street tacos. This sucker involves none
of that so, by scientific definition, it cannot be the
We Texans are hereby re-naming it The Finland Rot,
because ... well, because we ain't puttin' up with this
think they have many goats in Finland.
How about “sons of motherless
April 30 -
After listening to his press conference last night, I am
even more convinced that Obama is the right man for the
But, I don't care who you are - this is funny!
April 30 -
President Obama's new message to America -
- Okay, I won't say where I took this photo but it
was on a computer at a Texas Democratic Headquarters.
.... and call the Delusion Police immediately.
April 29 -
Okay, this is a whole bucket of cute.
There has been much back channel chatter about
my nesting momma who has taken
over my hot tub.
Thomas just sent me the cutest damn link I've ever
seen. It's a
momma screech owl in Austin on a live feed with her
babies. She's been screeching at them this
Just thought you might enjoy a grin this morning.
April 29 -
Y'all, there has to be some kind of medication for this
disease. Talk about Ground Zero of Idiocy.
Michele Bachmann attributing flu pandemics to Democratic
"I find it interesting
that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu
broke out then under another Democrat president
Jimmy Carter," said Bachmann. "And I'm not blaming
this on President Obama, I just think it's an
Michelle Bachmann is scientific proof of the chemical
reaction when you combine stoopid with crazzzy.
The last swine flu outbreak was in 1976. Jimmie
Carter wasn't President then.
Keep talking, Michelle. Keep talking.
I think it's
an interesting coincidence that every
time she opens her mouth, something
stupid comes out!!!
I've lost the link but one of the early
reports of Senator Specter's change of
affiliation had someone asking him what he
thought his constituents would think and he
reportedly said "I've already heard from
them." (or something like that). I guess
I'm not the only one who has been writing to
thank him for doing things right and to
commit to supporting him -- even if it meant
becoming a Republican for a month next
year. I guess he doesn't think there are
enough people like me to make a difference
considering the huge number of people who
switched parties in 2008 and gave the
Democrats a pretty big edge. I doubt many
bothered to switch back to "Non-Aligned
Nation" like I did. It shut me out of the
vote for who gets to run against our
incompetent Republican D.A. this Fall but I
think that the "anyone but Mike" vote is
going to be pretty strong this year. I also
get shut out of the school board elections
because in this part of the world they're
allowed to cross-file and appear on both
party primary ballots which makes a
meaningful election in September a very rare
duck to shoot at.
But I just can't get behind the local
Democratic Party which wouldn't let an
"unendorsed" candidate speak at a party
function this past weekend.
I'm not against bipartisanship, I'm pro
April 29 -
Okay, so everybody else has swine flu, but here in
southeast Texas, we have swamp flu ---
Click the little one to get it in PDF format. It's
just wet here, Bub.
Our weather here is either drought or flood. We
don't have any nice spring showers like regular folks
We have names for different kinds of rain. This
one is called an anvil mover.
-- (PTSD News) -- The World Health Organization has
called it a “public health emergency of
international concern." The swine flu virus has
already infected millions in the United States,
sparking worldwide alarm.
Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced on
Tuesday that they have traced the origin of the flu
to talk show host Rush Limbaugh. “This is extremely
troubling,” said Sarah Tinsdale of the CDC, “as
Limbaugh has contact with millions of Americans
Doctors say the
symptoms of swine flu are getting hot under the
collar with fever, the sudden inability to think for
yourself, lack of appetite for the truth and
diarrhea of the mouth.
“One minute I started
sneezing,” said Roger Wombat of Hickory, North
Carolina, “and the next minute I said I wanted
President Obama to fail.”
Look, I just don't get it. I'm not getting excited
about swine flu. Best I can understand, 8 people
in Texas have gotten sick - none of them any worse than
a hangover. Hell, I'm far more worried about bull
riding or tractor pulls at this point.
Oink, oink Rush, your behaviors and your
habits are labeling you!!!!
Ode to Rush Limbaugh Or this piggy's take on
This little piggy went to market and bought
all that food that made him obese.
This little piggy went home and ate all the
food that caused his obesity
This little piggy had drugs that made him
This obese drug addled piggy didn't care
about poor people that get Swine Flu
And this fat, corrupt piggy is lying and
crying about taxes, all the way home to his
mansion. To drink all that tea from those
I am so angry at rush, that I did this
Before my coffee!
April 28 - No link
yet, but I have it on good word that Arlen Specter is
switching to the Democratic Party.
Sorry that I had to drop and run with the news, but I
had an appointment. On the way there, I heard it
was official. Thanks to Pardner for the heads up
straight from DeeCee. I like knowing things first!
feel your pain :)
time to lower the hammer on Norm Coleman.
Let's make this official!
All of this is playing
out at a time when HHS nominee sits on the
sidelines, her nomination held up at the behest of
pro-life organizations who want to paint her as the
"Abortion Queen." The hold up is pointless - merely
delaying the inevitable for "another week." Maybe
the swine flu would be good enough to wait!
I heard somewhere
this morning that only 28% of the country now identifies
themselves as Republican. Shame on them. All
that shows is that 28% of the country is dumber than dog
The ones that are left are nuttier than
ever. It's all about God, Guns, and Gays
with these people, and they're all busy
preparing new litmus tests to separate the
sheep from the goats. Their numbers are
heading into Know-Nothing or Whig territory.
people in Congress succeed in holding up the
Obama agenda in hopes of making off-year
gains in 2010, I believe that our smart
President will be able to tie their
obstinacy around their necks like a dead
chicken on a bad dog. Then they'll be able
to caucus in a phone booth next time.
So only 28% of the country now
identifies as Republican?
Damn, that means they're all here in
Texas and they're all wanting to secede
with Rick Perry.
– Rick Perry has railed against Washington, but when
it comes to campaign cash, the governor has raised
far more than rival Kay Bailey Hutchison from the
Perry has collected
$2.7 million from Washington since becoming governor
– four times more than Hutchison's $670,000 from
Washington during the same period, a Dallas
Morning News analysis finds.
The money has come
from political communities, lobbyists, individuals
and interest groups.
He can't secede - it would cut off his money lifeline!
The boy is a bundle of hypocrisy, ain't he?
April 27 -
My friend Sam from Pearland finally and rightfully has
his own newspaper column. The Alvin Sun is doing
View From the Right and Left in their paper.
I listed a link over to the left under Dandy Links
because this is something you might want to check out
weekly. Sam's a smart guy (who also happens to
have the coolest wife in a seven zip code area) and he
also writes well.
Almost as important, the crazy loony who write the
right side column is so damn entertaining. This
week he says that Barack Obama is the worst president
ever. However, from his writing, I suspect that
his memory isn't the only thing that's short.
Check it out and leave some comments for Sam!
April 26 -
Holy cow! Somebody has conked Govenor Rick Perry
in the head and the poor boy is acting
ditzier than usual. He's certainly scared
witless about swine flu.
The CDC presently has
teams out in Mexico, California and Texas, where
Governor Rick Perry has requested the group send
37,430 doses of Tamiflu, an anti-flu medicine that
thus far has proven effective against the new
Wheeeee.... Perry's love/hate of the federal government
is a new amusement park ride.
So, the federal government is awful, huh, Rick?
So why don't you go on over to the Walgreens in Del Rio
and mix up some Tamiflu so we don't have to depend on
the horrible federal government for help in a crisis?
Wow, what a total turn around!
Look, I know that Perry liked it better in 1860, but
maybe somebody should sneak up to the Gov and whisper in
his ear that the population in Texas has grown some
since then. Honey, I live in a town with 12,000
people and after we get first shot at the Tamiflu, there
might not be enough left for Dallas. And we will
get the first shot, right?
Best I can figure, Perry figures he can win the
Governor primary race with 37,430 votes.
He hasn't even issued his Declaration of
Independence yet, and he's already asking
for foreign aid?
April 24 -
In case you've been wondering why I've been a bit testy
lately, I cannot get into my hot tub. That makes
That's right, Miss Momma has taken over our hot tub.
In case you can't see what's in the smack dab middle of
my pretty fern, here she is ---
And she ain't having none of my close proximity.
So, for the next few weeks, we'll give her wide berth.
April 24 - I am pleasantly surprised when one
of my friends from a foreign state reminds me that Texas
has not cornered the market on goofy politicians.
Take New York, where my friend Maureen lives, for
There is an ongoing investigation of the city’s
policy on fixing parking tickets.
Albany City Treasurer Betty Barnette had a light-bulb
moment when she was asked to reveal copies of
tickets dismissed in 2008.
The city treasurer has rejected lawmakers' request for
copies of forgiven parking tickets, citing potential
violations of federal protections of private medical
records and the chilling effect disclosure could have.
the explanation left Common Council leaders, who insist
the so-called HIPAA privacy law does not apply to the
treasurer's office, baffled and the council president
vowing to sue if it necessary.
Thankfully, Texas has the
Whorehouse HIPAA act or else the City of Austin would
have to release Miss Betty’s entire client list while
the Legislature is in session.
April 24 -
Ihate to be the one to break the news to the
Republicans ... well, that's just a big ole lie because
I flat love rubbing sand in their faces ... but your tea
parties didn't work.
Sand in your faces, Silly People.
Obama's job approval
stands at 63%, while 26% disapprove of the way he is
handling his job as president. His approval rating
up slightly from March (59%).
Okay, so I'm not saying that the tea parties were a
total failure and completely backfired on the goofy
people who were there .... no, wait, that's exactly what
For example, here's a photo of one of our Belles of
Heaven Republican Women's Club members at our local tea
Look, I'm not trying to be mean, but I am offering just
a little constructive criticism.
Jeanie, you're wearing tea bags for earrings, and
you want us to take you seriously? You want us to
let you govern the most important aspects of our lives?
You want us to trust you with our children, our sick,
our maimed, our grandma, our our hungry, our foreign
policy? Honey, I wouldn't trust you to blacktop my
Plus, have you ever considered this? What if
Sweet Jesus comes back and there you are standing around
with tea bags hanging on your face. Honey, I dunno
about you, but I don't want to meet Sweet Jesus with
explainin' to do. Your only hope for any human
dignity at all would be if Sweet Jesus has a cup of hot
water, and I'm not willing to count on that.
So, Darlin', if I won't let some guy at a football game
with a rainbow wig make decisions about my life, I sure
the heck ain't gonna let some chick who accessories with
tea bags run my government.
And that's my theory about why the tea parties were a
bust. You gotta admit, it's a better theory than
the talking heads on teevee have.
Those Republicans I know would have had big
ideas, well-thought-out plans, long term
vision...all wrong of course but at least
they would have had them, on things like
healthcare and education and economic
promotion and all manner of issues that
really impact folks' lives every day. This
bunch? Making earrings out of tea bags and
debating the best pejorative. They are ska-rude
for another 10 years at this rate.
The lady with the tea bag ear rings doesn’t
understand that one is never too old to
become an embarrassment to her family.
I see three bags in the picture.
OK, I'm confused. I know you have to
dunk tea bags in hot water to get
Tell me, in this picture, which of the
three bags that would be?
I sincerely hope they keep this up for
the next four years. Makes our job so
(And they wonder why we mock them).
I have to know… do they REALLY
call themselves the Belles of Heaven
Republican Club? Either way, they really
suck at accessorizing. They should take
some lessons from
- Oh cripes, Cooter and his AK47 hunting rifle are
headed to Washington, DeeCee.
My friend Deb asks, "I wonder what the fluffy white
boys would say if anyone else decided to do this?"
How 'bout a One Million Pissed Off PMS Broads marching
on Cooter's doublewide armed to the hilt? You
know, like Cooter, they have had enough and need to show
Personally I think a Million
menopausal women march could really
inspire terror. PMS pales in
comparison to a woman’s moods after not
getting enough sleep night after night
from hot flashes and night sweats.
Why it's the Good Gubner of the
Great State of Texas, the Right
Honorable Rick the Coiffed
OMG!!! From what I read earlier
on your unblog, all I need do is
convert to Republicanism and I
can vote for the real Democrat
I can wait until all Good Re-beelze-bub-lick-cans tear
off their masks and reveal
themselves as closeted
Dixiecrats and are welcomed back
into the bosom of the patient
(read "duped") electorate.
prepare for the second coming,
I've attached the official
campaign photo of Kay Bailey,
the one true Fair and Balanced
candidate of the Centrist
Extreme Right, affectionately
known as the Nanny of Notebooks.
- Oh, Lord. (Momma, don't watch this. It
has some bad words in it.)
Maybe, seeing as how 61% of Texans do NOT
favor succession, we should let them put
such a proposition in the next state-wide
ballot. Make sure it includes the fact that
no one who becomes a citizen of the Free
Nation of Texas will ever get any Social
Security or federal retirement benefits
(which would include; but is not limited to
military retirement pay, railroad
retirement, etc, etc,) Medicare, etc, etc.
and we will see how many people will think
it is a great idea.
Show people what they will lose by voting
Republican, then make the fools stand by
these their rhetoric.
- Just when we almost got over Texas Republican
Congresscritter Randy Neugebauer asking the Federal
Elections Commission if he could use campaign funds to
rent himself his own yacht with,
we discover that the FEC is investigating him for
something entirely unrelated to that. (The
FEC report in pdf format.)
Here, kiddos, is where we learn the lesson that when
you're doing something unseemly, try to stay as
invisible as possible. Bank robbers should not
wear a shirt with "Your Friendly Neighborhood Bank
Robber" on the front and wave their arms around to gain
attention while escaping.
Apparently Randy didn't listen when they taught this
lesson at Congress school.
Asking about your yacht when you're taking questionable
funds from the US-Cuba Democracy PAC, which is
undoubtedly a Communist organization, don't make you the
brightest twinkling light on the Christmas tree.
Randy, give the US-Cuba Democracy PAC, which is
obviously a same-sex marriage proponent, their money
back. The US-Cuba Democracy PAC, which is solidly
pro-abortion and anti-gun, isn't playing by the rules.
I know you need money for yacht fuel, but the US-Cuba
Democracy PAC, a Godless bunch of Philistine
Palin-haters, isn't who you should be asking.
We'll see to it that the local papers in Lubbock and
Abilene get this information, too, from my worldwide
network of chatterboxes.
(Click the little one to see the big one.)
Thanks to Mark for the heads-up.
April 23 -
Okay, dudes and dudettes, you've heard me talking about
how Texas' own congressvarmint Smokin' Joe Barton has been smokin' the
Now there's living proof.
Smokin' Joe asks Dr. Steven Chu to explain two billion
years of geology and physics in six seconds, using words
that Smokin' Joe can understand. He wants Dr. Chu
to say that Alaska was the Garden of Eden and that Eve
rode a dinosaur to see King James about that Holy Bible
Now as if it ain't enough to look like an idiot on
teevee, Smokin' Joe goes on
to brag about it, by twittering, "I seemed [sic] to
have baffled the Energy Sec with basic question - Where
does oil come from?"
Well, Joe, it also seemed that we can explain it to you
but we can't understand it for you.
Psssst - Joe, over here. Listen up, Babe.
Dr. Chu laughed at your question not because he was
baffled, but because you are. Take the lampshade
off your head and go sit in the corner.
That's just amazing. I hope that I never
have the complete lack of self-awareness
that this guy seems to have managed. It's
one thing to look like a tool and be
embarrassed about it; it's another thing all
together to look like a tool and declare
despite the fact that he once chaired
the energy committee, Joe Barton knows
nothing about plate tectonics. I can
forgive him that. But his oh-so-subtle
attempt to work in global warming in the
past implication was really pathetic.
Modern communication is consistent with
Mark Twain's dictum about remaining
silent lest you remove all doubt about
whether or not you are a fool.
April 22 -
Our friend Fenway Fran sent us an article from the
foreign state of Oregon with a suggestion about where
Governor Rick Perry and Congressman Ron Paul might take
their bad self when they
decide to leave the union ---
Rep. Ron Paul,
R-Texas, agreed this week that, after all, secession
was just what the American colonies did in 1776, and
the option should still be available.
The writer, a Mr. David Sarasohn, has a suggestion that
Rick Perry that will keep you grinning all day.
Secede or simply relocated?
April 22 -
Okay, let me see if
I have this right -- Democrats can win the
Governorship of Texas if we run a Republican on the
Former US Congressman Martin Frost has an editorial
in Politico today on the state of the 2010
gubernatorial race in Texas. His thesis: Gov. Rick
Perry will divide the Republican Party in his
primary fight against Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison next
Frost guesses Perry will likely win but in the process,
open the door for a moderate Democrat to win in
November. Frost then pivots to talk up Tom Schieffer
of Fort Worth as the best moderate Democrat to
challenge Perry next year.
"The biggest obstacles facing Schieffer are that he has
been out of Texas politics for a number of years and
that some Democrats may not be willing to forgive
his service in the Bush administration," Frost
writes. "On the other hand, some independents and
some Republicans who don’t like Perry may find that
I dunno. I guess I just don't get it. That
hasn't worked the other 280 zillion times we've tried
it. I mean, it didn't work for Nick Lampson, now
And shock of all shockers, it didn't work for Martin
Both of them ran by saying, "Heck, y'all, I'm just like
a Republican," and both of them got their rumps handed
to them on a two-bit platter. And I can't say I'm
all that sad about it.
Given a choice between voting for a Democrat who acts
like a Republican or voting for the real deal
Republican, Republicans will always vote for the real
deal Republican. When the fool tarnation are
Democrats going to learn that?
And here's my free damn opinion: we do not need
Republican votes. We get to identify our votes and
get them to the polls, dammit.
I am soooo tired of voting for Republicans who call
themselves Democrats. I ain't voting for Schieffer.
I ain't voting for Kinky either. Somebody,
anybody, find me a real damn Democrat to run for
Martin Frost can kiss my big blue butt.
April 21 - Is
there a way we can make Peggy Noonan turn in her ta-tas?
No, I'm serious. She should not be allowed wear
an attitude like this:
Peggy Noonan went
even further, articulating a position that upends
George Santayana’s famous quote: “Those who fail to
learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”
“Some things in life
need to be mysterious,” said Noonan, adding,
“Sometimes you need to just keep walking.”
She also added:
“It’s hard for me to
look at a great nation issuing these documents and
sending them out to the world and thinking, oh, much
good will come of that.”
So you just turn your head, Babe? Is that how you
handle torture and violation of the law?
Sorry, turn 'um in. Just go to your closest
Victoria's Secret and turn those suckers in.
You're obviously finished using them and maybe we could
loan them out to someone who gives a flyin' flip.
Look, Peggy, God gave us ta-tas so we could care.
That's why we have them. They're like a badge of
.... I dunno, good sense and caring.
You ain't using them. Turn them in.
Good Lord, how much kool-aid did that woman drink?
Wonder if the ever self righteous Peggy
Noonan felt the same way about the Catholic
Church's sexual abuse scandal. Walk on by?
Remain a mystery? That was the official
program for many years. How well did that
can't you take Peg over to the World's Most
Dangerous Beauty Salon and hold her in the
wash basin for a couple of hours?
Noonan's newfound moral relativism is a
little at odds with her view on the abuse
scandals in the Church. In a 2002
WSJ commentary (and excerpted from her
book 'A Heart, A Cross And A Flag: America
Today') she mourns the pragmatism of the
church turning a blind eye toward abusive
priests resulting in a scandal she stated
would take a generation to heal. Yet the
previous administration's authorization of
torture which until then we as Americans
could be proud to say we did not practice,
even as we taught interrogation techniques
to Iran, Guatemala, Nicaragua and others,
Peggy dismisses as just something that
polite people shouldn't let trouble their
“It’s hard for me to look at a great
nation issuing these documents and
sending them out to the world and
thinking, oh, much good will come of
Wow. Does she have
any idea of what makes a nation
great? I wonder if she now wishes
the Church had found a way to
silence the victims so she wouldn't
have had to grieve so much. Such a
dear, sensitive soul.
She doesn't drink the Kool-aid, she
pours the powder directly out of the
package into her mouth.
Oh cripes, I thought Republicans liked the Pledge of
Allegiance a whole bunch, but now they're saying it was
written by ---- quiver, shake --- a socialist!
I dunno, y'all, one day they call me a Communist, the
next day I'm a Fascist, and on Tuesdays, it appears I'm
They have no idea what any of these words mean, but
they know they're bad, bad, bad. I think they
should just start calling us do-do heads because at
least they know what that means, and it's a whole lot
more mature than just labeling anything you don't like
I figure at the dinner table at night Republican Ralph
says, "Tootie, do not serve spinach again. It's
socialist." Or, "Ralphie, leaving your
underdrawers on the floor reeks of Fascism."
You know, if these guys don't shuddup, we won't have to
worry about seceding - the rest of the country is going
to kick us out.
Jeff Danziger has the last word --
Is the internet socialist?
I think they're reserving do-do heads
for the new Democratic Senate in 2010.
April 20 -
Oops, I guess they haven't heard that baring false
witness is right up there with hoochy-koochy on God's
Most of you know about my local Belles of Heaven
Republican Women's Club, where they proudly serve up
homemade hypocrisy on a plate.
Okay, that's not their real name - their real name is
the Spirit of Freedom Republican Women's Club.
But, the only spirit they've got is the holy one, so I
renamed them several years ago. It stuck, and even
other Republicans call them The Belles.
They have all accepted Jesus Christ as their own
I offer proof of that from
their latest newsletter (pdf format), which they
call The Lifted Lamp Newsletter and no, I am not
kidding. Every page is brimming with very
un-Christian negative comments that would make Sweet
Baby Jesus cry.
But please give special attention to page 3 for the
Scariest Quote of the Day from none other than, of
course, Nancy Pelosi ---
When asked how these new tax dollars
would be spent, she replied: “
need to raise the standard of living of our poor,
unemployed and minorities. For example, we have an
million illegal immigrants in our country who
need our help along with millions of unemployed
minorities. Stock market windfall profits taxes
could go a long way to guarantee these people the
standard of living they would like to have as
Nancy never said that.
Newsletter Editor and Infamously Lazy Person Lisa
Rickert apparently didn't lift her lamp far enough to
stinkin' see what's right in front of her on the
electric internet machine.
You know what's really scary? That somebody lets
these women near computer machinery. That's what's
Now I'm going to ask that they act like Christians and
confess their sin of sloth by apologizing to Mrs. Pelosi
in their next newsletter.
I wouldn't bet a pair of shoes that don't fit that
they'll do it. I've asked them to apologize to me
before and they wouldn't do it.
Apologies are apparently tools of the devil.
I was disappointed to learn that the Nancy
need to raise the standard of living of our
poor, unemployed and minorities. For
example, we have an estimated 12 million
illegal immigrants in our country who need
our help along with millions of unemployed
minorities. Stock market windfall profits
taxes could go a long way to guarantee these
people the standard of living they would
like to have as ‘Americans’.”
was a hoax. It
looked to be the most Christian content in
Lisa Rickert is the person in charge
of that newsletter? Say no more. We had
to deal with Rickert's idiocy for years
when she was on the school board.
We realized then that she is a grade
Dennis is right. You just can't make
this stuff up.
April 20 -
Okay, so I've been dilly dallying around politics for a
while, but this has never ever happened to me before.
It'll take a tad of explainin' for you folks from
foreign states. Texas Republican Senator Kay
Bailey Hutchinson has announced that she's not going to
seek re-election. She's gonna run for Governor
because even Republicans have noticed that Rick Perry is
an idiot. And, as a matter of fact, they didn't even
have to look twice to take notice of that.
This will leave an open Senate seat in Texas and we
have more Democrats running for that seat than Big Bend
One of those persons is Bill White, the Mayor of
Bill used to be the State Democratic Party Chairman,
but then he decided he wanted to be mayor and started
playing footsies with Republicans. For a while
there, you couldn't pay Bill money to endorse a
Well, he's back. Honey, you don't need tumbleweed
to know which way the wind is blowing, so Bill's a
Running for Senate takes a lot of money, I suspect and
I also suspect that someone at my house looks like
they'd give Bill some money.
However, I have no idea who that person would be
because this is the envelope that arrived at my house
for A Tribute to Mayor Bill White to "support his
campaign for United
You know the drill. Click the little one to see
the big one.
Since the cheapest ticket
is $1,000, I say it's to Bubba. Bubba says it's to
me. Truman says who the hell is Bill White.
In all my years of politics I never got a $1,000
fundraising request to Occupant. Well, I don't
know that for a fact because it doesn't even say
So, I figure I'll send a check but not sign it! That
seems like the appropriate response to me. Or
maybe the deal is that I could go to the event but I
have to wear a paper bag over my head?
The invitation itself is real nice and makes it very,
very clear that this fundraiser is for Bill's Senate
Do that clicking thing again over on this dealie ---
Now all this wouldn't seem so danged strange if I
hadn't seen a file over at the Federal Elections
Commission last week - Wednesday to be exact - where
Bill White's campaign treasurer is asking for an
advisory opinion about when Ole Bill can start raising
money for the senate race.
Here's a PDF of that request.
You'll note that the request is dated April 15th, which
I kinda figure would be after this invitation was
printed since it was mailed on April 16th. I mean,
not that they took a whole mess of care with the whoile
printing thing, but you probably need to wait at least a
day for the ink to dry.
Humm .... you ask for an advisory opinion after you've
already planned the event? I'm wondering is this is one
of those "it's better to ask forgiveness than
This whole fundraiser thing don't seem real tightly
wrapped to me. I mean, I might be giving him money
that I'm not supposed to yet.
Like, I said, this has never happened to me before and
I hope to hell it doesn't happen again because we need
to win this senate seat.
Being you and I are close to the same
age, you maybe remember “The Amateur
Hour” with Ted Mack.
fund-raising letter to ‘occupant”
clearly puts his campaign in that
category. I’d love for Bill White to
be our next senator and will probably
even send him some money, though not a
thousand bucks. I worked for a
Democrat mayor for years, did lots of
fund-raising and was never so stupid as
to not know who I was asking for money
from. Them stamps cost money too and we
didn’t waste one.
April 19 -
Lord knows that our District Attorney John Healey
doesn't need anyone else
talking about what an idiot he is, but he just makes
it almost impossible not to. He's very good at
taunting people into to saying, "What the hell is John
He's having a political fundraiser. He sent out
cute invitations with a "Grand Slam" theme. You
know the drill: click the little one to get a big one.
Yes, this is Texas. And yes, that is Fenway Park.
What the hell is John thinking? Why a Texas District
Attorney would put Fenway Park on a fundraiser
invitation, I have no idea. Maybe John's hitting
all his grand slams outta state because he sure the heck
ain't doing it here.
Healey has sent a very clear message that his office is
being used for political prosecutions, so any
fundraisers he has are two click below extortion.
Heck, I'll probably even send him $25 - that's sure
cheaper than a trip to the Grand Jury.
18 - Tom, Tom, Tom, ..... you're insane
and your book in the background is now selling on the
Thank you, Tom, for making all Republicans look nuts.
We appreciate your help.
The long version is here just in case you can't get
your fill of nutty, with the special Rush Limbaugh treat
added at no extra cost to you.
virtually wiped out Gov. Rick Perry's office budget
Friday in order to help veterans and the mentally
With little debate,
the House on a voice vote approved erasing 96
percent of the nearly $24 million that budget
writers had recommended for Perry's office operation
over the next two years.
Some Democrats cast
the House's move as a rebuke of the governor's
recent comments about Texas seceding from the Union.
"That's the headline:
'Two days after governor says we ought to secede,
House zeroes out the governor's budget,' " said
Appropriations Committee vice chairman Richard
No word yet on whether the whack left Perry with a lick
of sense. Odds are it didn't. That would
take a brain transplant and daily IQ infusions.
How can Rick Perry be such a fool?
But so nice to read that the
legislature has cut his office budget
down to nearly nothing, and have taken
that money to fund programs for things
like mental health care and veterans
I love it.
First there was the episode with the
Gov pandering to the rightest-wing to
gain votes in the primary and keep
Senator Hutchison in Washington even if
it means leaving the union and taking
both the Senaterats with him. If that's
the only way to get old Corny John out
of there it's worth considering. But
that would be an insult to great grandpa
Ambrose who was on Culp's Hill back in
1863 in order to keep things like that
from being allowed to happen, so I can't
go along with it.
Then this morning I read where Hot
Tub Tommie had put his 2 cents in and
said that Texas should divide into the
six states allowed by the 1845 treaty so
they could get 12 Senaterats instead of
just 2. Just think of where the
boundary lines would have to be drawn to
make 6 states that would still vote
Repugnicant. No really, I don't want
any more of those brownies -- I was
really woozy and the lines wouldn't stay
straight after that last batch. But I
do have to wonder sometimes why I bother
to stay straight when everything else is
Don A in Pennsyltucky
Well, now, that helps a little to
boost the Lege in my opinion but, sheesh,
they have a looooong way to go still to
restore my faith in Texas ----like going
blue next time.
Those of us who live outside the
Great State Of Texas stand in awe of the
Texas lawmakers! Ann Richards and Molly
Ivins must be high fiving one another in
Who would have thought that giving
Governor "Good Hair" a Buzz cut would be
so soul satisfying? Bloggers in Alaska
are already paying close attention.
Queen Sarah may just have to go to
Payless for her shoes from now on.
While I had him on
the phone, I threw out a question about Texas Gov.
Rick Perry's suggestion that his state might secede
over Democrats' tax policies.
"I won't comment on
him for the same reason I won't comment on Elvis
sightings," he replied.
April 16 -
Well, bless his heart, Texas Republican Senator John
Cornyn has got himself tied up so dandy that he
looks like a pretzel factory.
First he says that the economic stimulus package is a
tool of the devil, Adolph Hitler, four guys in a cave in
Guatemala, and helpful parrots of Somalian pirates.
Next he says, Gimme some of dat there cash, Bud."
Another leading opponent
of the stimulus bill, Sen. John Cornyn,
R-Texas, warned Monday that border-crossing sites in
his state are being stiffed by the General Services
Administration, which will dole out $300 million in
stimulus funds for land border ports nationwide.
"I'm not going to stay quiet if Texas is getting
shortchanged," Cornyn told the San Antonio
Crazy Cornyn is even issuing "warnings" about getting
his hands on some of that money! What's he gonna
do? Pee in their swimming pools?
So he's not going to stay quiet, huh? Does this
mean yodeling? Wooooooo.
Are he and Rick Perry gonna start a motorcycle gang and
start painting rightwing graffiti on the federal
building in Dallas?
I do not know what's wrong with the guy, but what ever
it is, it's got to be difficult to pronounce.
Well, if you do secede, it'll be good for us
here in Mexico. We and the United States
can stop blaming each other for everything
EEEVIL, and just blame Texas. That big wall
across Oklahoma is gonna be kinda ugly
Breaking News !!!!!
Mexico Refuses to Annex Texas
Republicans were like the bestest
patriots ever. I mean, that's what
they'll tell you. Now
Rick Perry wants to go all confederate
Republicans just kill me. When they're
in power, no one is more sadistic. When
they're out of power,
no one is more whiny. Less than 3 months
into a new administration, "The sky is
falling" is all they
have in the way of ideas. Their
solution? Start their own country.
By the way, "Blue Texas" can also
lay claim to El Paso and the Rio Grande
Valley, both areas that
went 2-1 or more for Obama. So you can
add some pretty good Mexican food to the
Beaumont is also blue, but I have mixed
feelings about adding Beaumont to our
new domain. Beaumont is
just a bit too close to Louisiana for my
Now you'd have to give up Waco (Baylor &
the Branch Davidians) , Midland (adopted
home of the Bush clan),
Jasper (a fave of white supremacists
everywhere) and Crawford (sometimes
hideout of Mr. Mission
Talk about addition by subtraction!
Where do I sign up?
born and graduated from
high school in the most
Democratic and also most
forgotten city in all of
Texas. You left El Paso
off your list of cities
traitorist Repugs can't
considered a redheaded
stepchild by El Pasoans)
is looking awfully
good right now. Just
Y'all go on over to www.mudflats.net
and see just how effective these
Alaskan Bloggers have been at
twitterpating Sarah Palin. I would
be willing to bet we could channel
Molly Ivins and drive Gov. Rick
Perry and Chuck Norris right up a
wall. As I have children and
grandchildren in Austin, I sure
don't want to have to have a
passport to go see them.
to the Righties!!
Hon, I am
positively certain that President
Barack Obama would be perfectly
willing to let Texas secede.
After all, it is the one last lone
stronghold of the Republican Party.
Get rid of Texas and America
also gets rid of both Bushes, Phil
Gramm, Roberto Gonzalez, Tom DeLay,
Gov. Goofy, Karl Rove and John
Cornyn. Not a bad trade.
- Okay, so Texas Governor Rick Perry is threatening
to secede from the union.
That is total caca del toro.
He's putting on a show for the rightwingers and using
what was formerly the great state of Texas to do it.
I'll make a deal with Governor Goofy: He can
secede and take the Republican cities of Texas with him.
We get to keep Houston, Dallas, Austin, San Antonio,
Galveston, and the western part of Corpus Christi - all
Democratic cities. He has to take Abilene, Lufkin,
Our tax base will be industry, imports, and commerce.
His tax base will be land, goats, and trees.
Good luck on that, Rick!
April 16 -
We get news updates about Randy's yacht --
This just in from DC...
This photo (attached) was taken
late this afternoon of Rep.
Randy "Ho" Newhamburger's yacht
at its berth, near Gomorrah, VA.
Additional details about the
proposed rental of the yacht
have also been provided by
staff. The proposed rental
package includes the boat, the
captain (shown at right in the
photo), fuel, oil, wake, anger,
and unlimited legislative
influence (offer not valid if
publicly disclosed). The
proposed hourly rental rate was
listed as "$2500 per hour, or
your eternal soul".
When questioned, the ship's
captain revealed that the "A" on
his cap stood either for
"Abilene" or "honesty".
April 15 -
Okay, here's a story.
When there were wild little boys at my house, the two
oldest spent a summer afternoon with some of their grade
school friends making tee-shirts for their "Club."
The youngest, who was 3, wanted a tee-shirt, too.
They cheerfully made him one. It said "Pest" on
the front in big red letters. They told him that
it said, "I'm so cool." He didn't know. He
wore it all day, ever so proudly. They roared with
laughter when he wasn't looking.
I didn't have the heart to tell him. Besides, I
knew it would be over in a day and he would forget about
the shirt by tomorrow. He just wanted so badly to
be in their club.
Do teabaggers know what that means? Or, is
Fox News and Rush Limbaugh roaring with laughter at
what they've done?
April 15 -
David just sent an early photo from Fort Bend's tea
I talked to my
friends in Lubbock. We can't decide where he is
gonna keep his boat. He has two options: the
playa lake next to Walmart or Buffalo Springs
Lake. Of course, both depend on if there is
water in either of them. He can always just
put it up on some bricks and charge a dollar
admittance. West Texans would love to see what
a yacht looks like!!!
Now, Delores is not a woman to trifle with. My bet
is that she's already selling tickets to tour Randy's
yacht. Personally, I like the up on bricks idea -
that's a long tradition in Texas for useless
April 14 - Okay, this is the best Republican
story you'll hear all week. The best.
Randy Neugebauer wants the FEC to tell him it's okay
for his campaign to pay him for the use of his yacht to
raise money for his campaign.
And people think Somali pirates are dangerous on the
water! Ho boy, they ain't got nothing on
Neugebauer. Get that boy an eye patch and bandana
for his head - he knows how to steal while afloat!
No seriously, I'm not making
this up. (It opens a pdf.)
No seriously, he wants to rent his yacht to his
campaign and make his campaign pay for it. And he wants
his campaign contributors (read: special interests) to
give him money while they're on board so that they can
pay for it again. Or maybe to buy him some of them
fancy-pants yacht shoes or a shirt with a little
alligator on it. Or a captain's hat and a white
coat with stripes on the sleeve. Oh Photoshop,
here I come!
For you people from foreign states, Neugebauer is
one of Tom DeLay's Redistricting Monkeys. He's
from West Texas - representing Abilene and Lubbock, you
know - landlocked
areas in the Texas damn desert. And the dude's got
a yacht. That ain't gonna play real well in
Abilene where they built a whole big
just to pray for rain on Monday through Friday.
I can hear the talk over at Fast Eddie's Ice House.
"Well hell, Bubba, I hope we get some rain today so that
Ole Randy can float his fat yacht right up the dry creek
bed to the county courthouse."
I'm telling ya - a bassboat would be pushing it with
West Texas voters, but a yacht? Oh, Randy Honey,
you're going to hell.
If Paul's plan plays out,
Neugebauer can gain
legitimacy in his private
pirate ponzi scheme by
obtaining "letters of marque"
and heading for the Gulf of
Aden as a gen-you-wine
privateer on his yacht.
“If we have 100 American
wanna-be Rambos patrolling
the seas, it’s probably a
good way of getting the job
done,” said Competitive
Enterprise Institute senior
fellow and security expert
Eli Lehrer. “Right now we
have a Navy designed mostly
to fight other navies. The
weapons we have are all
excellent, but they may not
be the best ones to fight
these kinds of pirates. The
only cost under letters of
marque would be some sort of
bounty for the pirates.”
BTW, the photo was done
using Microsoft Paint in
more than 9000 hours.
Ann Coulter a skanky 'ho?
Heck, I'm still not convinced
that she's not some ugly dude in
April 14 -
I agree. Rush Limbaugh cannot move to
because we don't have enough skanky hos, drug dealers,
pork rinds, oversized desk chairs, or creep-only housing
to support his daily needs.
And the last damn thing we need in Texas is more hot
air. Hell, the average daily temperature went up 7
degrees when Rich Perry got elected
Governor. Another five degrees and we'll
officially be hell.
And that's not all: Tom DeLay smoked all the damn
cigars. We don't have anymore.
I'm telling you, Texas simply doesn't have the
resources to support another self-indulgent, hate
mongering bozo. We are officially over our legal
limit on dudes so disgusting that they couldn't get laid
at the chicken ranch with a hen under each arm and a $50
bill taped to their forehead.
We do not need any more far rightwing paranoid nuts.
Well, unless Ann Coulter wants to comes here.
That would bring us up to par on the skanky ho thing.
Susan. The commentary on Limbaugh is
priceless. I made sure a few of his faithful
received the piece. He is more jackass than
any of the four legged kind. The congressman
should take a remedial course in basic
government. Besides pulling numbers out of
that dark spot, he might – just might –
understand what Social Security and Medicare
Rep. Spencer Bachus
(R-Ala.) puts the number of socialists in the House
of the men and women I work with in Congress are
socialists," Bachus told local government leaders on
Thursday, according to the Birmingham News.
Bachus gave the
specific number of House socialists when pressed
later by a reporter.
Bachus hasn't released the names of the 17, but has
counted to 1 by naming Democratic Socialist and Proud
Vermonter Bernie Sanders, thereby winning Bachus The
Captain Obvious Award this month.
Day-um, these wingnuts are getting more riled up than
April 14 -
news in the "That's Okay Boys, We'll Just Hold Our
Breath" section ---
Unit 5 at W.A.
Parish Electric Generating Station near
Thompsons is being restarted after being shut
down for maintenance, and is expected to emit
excess particulates into the air during the
The report did
not say when 649-megawatt coal-fired Unit 5 was
taken off-line, but said only that it had been
shut down for a maintenance outage. “Excess
opacity emission may occur during the start-up
procedure,” the report said.
On March 4, the
Parish plant reported that Unit 5 reported
opacity emissions that exceeded its air permit
for six minutes, due to a “control system
malfunction and inadvertent bypass of the
opacity emission control system baghouse.”
Unit 5 also was
shut down for maintenance earlier this year, and
restarted March 2-3.
And that's why we don't have an air monitoring system
near Richmond. Nobody really wants to know, what
with a state park around the corner and new housing
springing up like coils in a bad mattress.
I went outside yesterday and once again felt reassured
that the air was very visible. I do not trust air
you can't see.
WARSAW (Reuters) - A
Polish politician has criticized his local zoo for
acquiring a "gay" elephant named Ninio who prefers
male companions and will probably not procreate,
local media reported Friday.
"We didn't pay 37
million zlotys ($11 million) for the largest
elephant house in Europe to have a gay elephant live
there," Michal Grzes, a conservative councilor in
the city of Poznan in western Poland, was quoted as
"We were supposed to
have a herd, but as Ninio prefers male friends over
females how will he produce offspring?" said Grzes,
who is from the right-wing opposition Law and
The head of the
Poznan zoo said 10-year-old Ninio may be too young
to decide whether he prefers males or females as
elephants only reach sexual maturity at 14.
Keep an eye out, because I figure that when the Belles
of Heaven Republican Women's Club hears about this,
they'll have to send an ambassador to Poland to study
the problem up close and to get the concession for a Law
and Justice Party here.
You'll notice it wasn't a gay donkey.
April 11 -
Well, we knew the bar would be raised on pandering, girl
fights, and insanity when Republican Senator Kay Bailey
Hutchinson announced she was coming home to run against
Republican Rick Perry for Governor.
Kay hopes to get the votes of the few remaining
Republicans who don't think God planted dinosaur bones
just to jack with us. Rick hopes to get the votes
of the Super DeLux Brand Christians and sissy boys.
It's gonna be a dandy show.
And, lucky for us in the audience, it's already
Rick Perry grabbed the jump ball and appeared on Glen
Beck's show - the very same night Beck tried to get the
men in the white coats to lead him away trussled-up in
My friend Richard G. gets us up to date on the story
with this link.
It appears that Glen Beck decided to use that night to
pour pretend-gasoline all over somebody on teevee.
they have it on tape. Beck was upset about
something Obama did, said, thought, imagined, dreamed,
or that Glen Beck imagined Obama said, and being unable to find
the words he needed to express his anger, Beck decided
Well, immediately following this wacko episode comes
something that stunned even
Washington Monthly. Texas Governor Rick Perry
shows up and acts like pretending to set people afire
while screaming like a banshee is perfectly natural
behavior for an adult.
captured in the video is what happened next, when
Texas Gov. Rick Perry came on and Beck asked,
'Governor, you're regretting being on this program
at this point, are you not, sir?' Perry responded,
'Not at all, Glenn Beck. I'm proud to be with you.'"
And that, in a
nutshell, helps explain what's gone terribly wrong
with conservative Republicans of late. Beck appears
to be in desperate need of medication, and the chief
executive of one of the nation's largest states is
"proud" to appear on the show, just moments after
Beck pretended to set a colleague on fire.
Honey, Rick Perry will do anything to get re-elected.
He will pose as a gay cowboy (see above), or kiss Glen
Beck's patootie. All the same to Rick.
Damn, this is gonna be fun.
our esteemed governor should think about
being Becks's second banana when Beck's
Comedy Tour comes to Houston. He's
going to need a new gig after the next
April 11 -
Well, my county has just qualified as the main exhibit
at the Museum of Duck and Cover.
With secret backroom meetings, we
settled a federal complaint this week brought by the
Bush (oh dear God, how did this happen?) Justice
The complaint, which was
filed in the U.S. District Court for the Southern
District of Texas, alleged Fort Bend County failed
to implement an effective bilingual election program
for Spanish-speaking voters in violation of
provisions of the Voting Rights Act.
The county was also
accused of preventing eligible voters from receiving
assistance from the persons of their choice.
complaint alleged Fort Bend County failed to offer
eligible voters in federal elections the use of
provisional ballots, and it failed to provide
provisional voters information on whether their
provisional ballots were counted.
The settlement also mentions that "the county has agreed
to take steps to ensure those without a strong command
of the English language will have equal access to the
Verdelia and I suspect that would have to include some
redneck, knuckle draggin' interpreters, too, because the
letters to the editor we've seen complaining about this
settlement, hollerin' that the Meskins should learn to
speak goldam English, are from people without "a strong
command of the English language." Okay, even a
mild command. I mean, cripes, letting these people
vote without help is how we got
I just needed to say that out loud.
The settlement, which local Republicans hate even worse
than the thought of somebody having hoochy-koochy, was
also about having Asian language interpreters, a
demographic that the Texas Republican Party seems highly
intent on angerin' up, what with Betty
Brown and now this.
And, then to top it off - As we know, Republicans
belong to a religion called Folks of the Convenient
Scripture. They only like those parts of the Good
Book that match up with the Republican National
Platform. Yep, Exodus 22:21, "You shall not wrong
or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the
land of Egypt." Maybe we could get that
interpreted into redneck for them as, "Lookie here, God
says to be nice, dammit."
But, to make this even more embarrassing, our county
judge, you know, the one who bought himself "college"
degrees from undergraduate to PhD but actually has no
real college at all, displayed that fact for all to see
in the Houston Chronicle.
His response is brought to you by the letters W, T,
and F ----
County Judge Bob Hebert
indicated the county was a reluctant participant in
just requires us to do the things we are trying to
do every day,” he said of the agreement. “We do not
acknowledge that we violated the law. They
complained we have. We agree that we are obligated
to follow the Voting Rights Act in its entirety …
but everything we agreed to are things that we
thought we were doing.”
No, no, no, Bob. You weren't doing it then. That's
why you have to do it now. If you say you're not going
to change anything, the Justice Department will come
back and take a hunk out of your rump.
Somebody, please, get this man an interpreter.
And a lick of sense while you're at it.
CONGRATS! Ya beat 'em,
Hebert is two clicks past being helped.
You can interpret it for him but you can't
understand it for him
April 10 -
Sybil reminds us that sometimes bad thing happen to
worse people. Smokin' Joe Barton is back in
the news, and not in a bad way, unless, of course, Joe
going broke is not your cup of tea ---
Joe L. Barton ’s campaign reported losing
$703,500 in the financial markets last year.
A large chunk of
those stock market losses — $196,900 — were in
shares of four companies that have a stake in the
bills handled by the House Energy and Commerce
Committee, where Barton is the top Republican.
Barton is one of a
handful of House members whose campaign accounts are
heavily invested in stock and bond markets, and,
like many other investors, his campaign savings took
a pounding when the stock market crashed.
Now I'm not saying that karma made the market crash just
to get even with Joe, but I'm gonna growl at him when I
see him just in case that's exactly what happened.
Glen Beck needs to show up in San
Antonio during January when they drain
the Riverwalk. He can wallow around in
the muck that he spews every day. The
added benefit is that when he realizes
that the city is more than 60% Latino,
cry them a river.
And a Easter laugh from
April 9 - Okay, it's
settled. If I ever start a Stoopid Ranch, I'm
gonna use Texas Republican State Representative Betty
Brown as breeding stock.
Brown, who left fifty of her meager IQ points and all of
her good sense sitting on the dresser at home yesterday
morning, explain in laymen's terms why Texas Republicans
want a voter ID bill that solves a problem we don't
In a puzzling move which
she insisted isn't about race, a Republican state
lawmaker in Texas said in House testimony Wednesday
that Asian Americans should change their names to
ones that are “easier for Americans to deal with.”
No, seriously. And God bless her for her late entry into the
showmanship category, she kept on. She just went
right ahead and blurted out everything the Republican
caucus had been discussing behind closed doors up until
now. Speaking to Ramey Ko, a representative of the
Organization of Chinese Americans who was testifying
against the Voter ID bill, which the Texas Republicans
last chance to suppress any votes that aren't within
Betty Brown said ----
“Rather than everyone
here having to learn Chinese — I understand it’s a
rather difficult language — do you think that it
would behoove you and your citizens to adopt a name
that we could deal with more readily here?” Brown
I wonder if it's too late for Betty Brown to adopt the
name Hateful Old Bimbo Witch, you know, a name we could
"deal with more readily here."
Henceforth, I will no longer be referred
to as "Kellybee" on your Website. Taking my
cue from Representative Brown (and Prince),
I wish to be
(The Contributor Formerly Known As
Betty Borwn isn't Betty Boopo. We could at
least enjoy the art. But, no, we get in our
American human species the Betty who can't
find her mind since her brain tissue has
been eaten by thinking too hard.
Too difficult it is to practice, practice,
practice (how do we get to Carnegie Hall?)
our best at learning, for example, names of
humans who support these criminals who call
themselves politicians - pronouncing an
ancient melodic language is definitely a
higher learning capacity than what is found
here in the USA.
Crooks and liars do not want to learn how to
do anything but their trade.
WHEN are we going to get it, here in
America? How it really works: digits of
trade on the great computer system found in
secret places unknown to the brain dead.
Demand medical examinations of these goons,
the Betty and the others. How many drugs
are they taking which interfere with sanity,
causing the poly-addicted to be nothing more
than multiple personality disorders!
Yes, our education system has failed us.
The Betty leader cannot remember how to
treat everyone as her best customer and darn
it, what is she going to do when the serfs
go home and not allow her to call them just
a number anymore!?
These people need to run a small business
for about a decade before thinking with
their brains that do not have any sane
Great, as always Susan ... thank you for
reminding me how bad it is in America with
this kind of Elizabeth as one of our Queens.
Bilxoi aka Roberta
Betty going to make you change your middle
name? I've been reading you since you
were writing for the newspaper and i still
have no idea how to pronounce your name.
You need to make it easier on all of us and
change your name to one in the Needville
phone book - like Stavinoha or Janochek.
please just leave her as a Hateful Old
Bimbo? i'm a witch & don't want that bigot
associated with my religion. thanks so
much! & keep up the good work.
Mary in NH
Browne? Betty Brawne? Bettie Brown? Betty
Brown? Whatever her name is... runs into
problems with a two letter name like Ko, and
I'd hate to think what would happen if she
ran into a really hard Chinese name... like,
say "Mao" or "Lee".
Brown should change her name to Betty White.
comes to STOOPID, every day some Republican
enlarges my view of the possible.
Reading about that doofus and
the accompanying comments from
your peeps reminded me of a time
when my husband and I took
Italian language lessons prior
to our trip to Italy. The
teacher was from Sardinia and
the class was entirely
"immersion", meaning that
everything she said was in
One of our classmates was named
Siobhan McDonough (ShiVON
McDUNuh). The teacher never
could figure out how to
I hope that State Representative Betty Brown
(Redneck Dallas) will lead by example and
change her name to something more reflective
of the diversity of her Republican Party.
Something like Lilly White.
John Coby (because Cobarruvias is too hard
to type, spell, or for some folks, say)
Dang, just when I get to thinking
those Republicans can't get any
stupider, one such as Betty Brown pops
Too bad she didn't marry some guy
with a more "ethnic" name than Brown.
There's lots of good Czech names she
could have had.
But she'd probably make her husband
change it to John Doe so she could
pronounce it and spell it.
*sigh*....they really ARE that
April 9 -
Peeps! Everybody loves peeps and
peep contests - especially when they are sponsored
by National Geographic!
April 8 - Wooo
... woo... our friend Sam from Pearland now has
his own newspaper column! You'll want to
follow it because Sam is one funny guy and has the guts
to be a stand-up liberal in a Republican gulag.
Y'all send some comments to support Sam!
Glenn Beck will be on
hand for the San Antonio Tax Day Tea Party in front
of the Alamo on April 15. Beck is tentatively slated
as a main speaker for the tea party which is
scheduled to start at 6PM.
The theme of the tea
party is the repeal the federal pork spending and
tax cuts. There are already more than 500 tea
parties scheduled around the nation for tax day.
How the hell did we get so lucky?
The Alamo? Doesn't that overly-hormoned weeping
fool know that the ghost of William B. Travis is gonna
give him something to cry about?
As a fifth generation Texan on my Momma's side, I
happen to know a thing or two about the Alamo. The
men at the Alamo were willing to die for their fellow
Texians, but Glenn Beck and his crowd aren't even
willing to pay their fair share of taxes to clean up a
mess they themselves made.
I'm telling you people - Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh
are the modern day
Rose, and the ghosts of Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett
ain't gonna be none too pleased about these selfish,
greedy, sons of motherless goats invading their tomb.
I dunno. I might have to skip the event in Sugar
Land and head on over to San Antonio to defend the honor
of good men who founded Texas without the help of the
religious right or teevee political evangelists.
Look, Glenn Beck is just the
Jimmy Swaggart of politics. He needs to go
build an Ignorance Theme Park and stay the hell outta
Did sumbuddy mention Rush? The
undisputed head of the GOP? The champion of
all Good Republicans? The Great White Dope
of the conservatives? The Minister of Food
and Drugs? That Rush?
This fat has-been obviously thinks he can
ingratiate himself to other like minded
dullards. Gingrich, DeLay and Joe, the scab
plumber, are the face of the Republican
Party. I should have added that family
values Governor of Alaska.
Glenn Beck be hosting the local Teabagger's
Ball after the rally?
again, something shows up on your Website
that inspires me. So our boy Rush The
Entertainer is thinkin' about bringing his
magic act to Texas, huh? Cool! We'll get him
own those nifty fringe coats like our junior
Senator has, so he'll really look all
Texas-y. And as luck would have it, I just
happened to have a picture of Mr. Limbaugh's
last appearance in Houston:
not completely sure, but I think that object
in the background is Tom DeLay...)
RENO, Nev. – First lady
Dawn Gibbons accuses
Gov. Jim Gibbons in
divorce papers of having
extramarital affairs with a former Playboy
magazine model and another woman to whom he sent
text messages last year. The Republican
governor has been untruthful about his "infidelity"
with the two women, his estranged wife says in a
divorce filing which was unsealed Monday by a court
order in Washoe County Family Court.
Well, at least it's Nevada. I mean, think how
embarrassing it would be if it was Idaho or Oregon or
somewhere with a low supply of floozie wimmen.
April 6 - Click
this. You just gotta. No, seriously, you
gotta. I can't even begin to describe it.
Click it. You will not be sorry.
Thanks to Susan from San Francisco for the heads-up.
I'm telling you,
it and you'll thank me all day. There's no
sound or nothing dirty, so you can click it at work when
no one's looking.
Oh mercy, this is the best thing since Sarah Palin in
the oval office. Maybe better. Hurry, click
CNBC's Jim Cramer
decided Friday to 'speculate on Washington' --
specifically, the Employee Free Choice Act. He says
he has no doubt the bill, which makes it easier for
workers to form unions, will pass the House, which
"might as well be Nancy Pelosi's own little
Politburo." He also calls Democrats "Bolsheviks"
before correcting himself. Cramer goes on to claim
that passing the legislation would set us back "who
knows how many months" in fighting the recession.
Is Jon Stewart gonna have to take him to the woodshed
I mean, you'd think one trip to Humiliation City would
be enough for the guy. Bless his heart, he even
spent the night there in a cheap hotel with drunk people
in the room next door, playing polka music real loud and
herding goats by the air conditioning vent.
April 6 -
Of all the bilkers, con artists, and skanks in the
world, of course
the one from Texas is going to be the most colorful
'Sir' Allen Stanford expects to be indicted by a
federal grand jury in the next two weeks, he told
ABC News in an interview in which he cried, denied
wrongdoing and threatened to punch his questioner in
He's a tent revival preacher minus the religion.
You really gotta see this. You can find an
Allen Stanford on any used car lot in Texas.
You'll notice the background music is "Night and Day."
Well, let's hope he doesn't lawyer up and shuddup,
because this might be some of the best entertainment
we've seen in a log time.
April 6 - I'm almost
certain this is in The Rulebook somewhere: Do not
get into a fight with Barney Frank when the teevee
cameras are rolling.
Another Texas Congressvarmint, John Culbertson, needs to
slap some bread over his ears and call himself a fried
Earlier in the bonus
debate, Mr. Frank mercilessly dismissed complaints
by Representative John A. Culberson, Republican of
Texas, that lawmakers were not given enough time to
read the legislation.
“The bill under
consideration is 5-1/2 pages long,” he said. “I
believe even the gentleman from Texas could have
read it by now, and if the gentleman from Texas has
not been able to read this 5-1/2-page bill, I will
talk long. Even if you read slow, you’ll get it
top Republican on the House Energy and Commerce
Committee operates a tax-exempt foundation that has
raised donations from the industries his committee
oversees, while giving less than a quarter of the
foundation's money to charitable causes, tax records
Rep. Joe L. Barton's
foundation spent more on staff, fundraising and
other overhead from 2005 to 2007 - nearly $130,000
in all - than it did on its single $90,000
contribution to a charitable cause, according to its
most recent Internal Revenue Service filings. The
congressman's daughter-in-law runs the foundation as
an unpaid executive director.
And then ----
contributions allow those with special interests to
both curry favor with lawmakers and look selfless,
while pursuing a calculated, selfish agenda," Ms.
Seligman said. "By pressuring companies with
business before his committee to make charitable
contributions, and then making sure those donations
cannot be tracked - but are still credited to his
foundation - Mr. Barton has found a way to a new low
in Washington. And that is saying something."
Now it's interesting that this story comes from The
Washington Times, which is kinda the Fox News of ink and
paper. This ain't "the libruls" going after Smokin'
And now you know how Smokin' Joe got his name -
everything he does involves smoke and mirrors.
And here's the smoke ---
After Mr. Barton's
foundation pledged to raise $500,000 to help build a
$3 million regional kitchen and offices for the
Meals-on-Wheels program in Johnson and Ellis
counties, companies with interests before Mr.
Barton's committee stepped forward.
Holdings, formerly known as TXU Energy, which
supplies electricity to more than 2 million Texas
customers, and Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad
(BNSF), which delivers coal to 60 power plants in 28
states, including Texas, came up with $35,000 for
the project in the foundation's name, said
Meals-on-Wheels Executive Director Vinsen Faris.
Mr. Faris said that
while none of the donated money came directly from
the Barton foundation, it still counted toward the
lawmaker's pledge. Mr. Barton's hometown newspaper,
the Ennis Daily News, reported last week that the
veteran lawmaker was "the special guest at a VIP
Reception" because he had made the first donation to
the Meals-on-Wheels program.
And the mirrors? Republicans will excuse and even
praise what he's done because, dammit, Joe Barton is
April 5 -
Good friend and long-time commenter here, Sam from
Pearland, is once again featured in the letters to the
at the Chronicle.
Once again our
Republican-controlled Legislature has proved the old
adage that its concern for life starts with
conception and ends with birth (“Stem Cell Research
Hits Snag,” Page A1, Tuesday). By effectively
crippling stem cell research, they will take away a
chance for recovery for millions of current and
future stroke, Alzheimer’s disease and Parkinson’s
disease victims. No tissue is being created for this
research, only tissue which would eventually be
destroyed anyway is being used. In addition, areas
where this research would have been conducted will
have this revenue and employment boon jerked away
from them just at a time when we are in an economic
downturn created in large part by the actions of
this same Republican Party. But then, reality has
never been this group’s strong suit. When
Republicans gather as a group in Austin, their
collective IQ seems to drop about 30 points.
Todd Palin’s half-sister
was arrested Thursday after police say she broke
into a Wasilla home for the second time this week to
Palin is the husband of
Gov. Sarah Palin. He declined comment.
Diana Palin, 35, entered
a home near Wasilla’s Multi-Use Sports Complex and
attempted to steal cash from the owner’s bedroom,
She also broke into the
same house on Tuesday and stole $400, they said.
Maybe the next time Miss Righteous Sarah needs someone
to pray with, she can look to her sister-in-law.
Family and I don't mean the singers
----Jimmy Carter, of the Plains, GA Carters
are paragons of virtue when compared to the
Palins of Wasilla. Ole Billy Carter is
starting to look pretty uptown now, and he's
been dead lo these many years. I almost
wish that the R's had won the last election
and let them face all these problems which
Whatta ya think about Sarah calling for a
new senatorial election due to the
prosecutorial errors of the Bush Attorney
General...Geeze Looieze...if she aint got
class she sure has huztpah.
Republican Party is like a herd of performing elephants
with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect,
awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of
mind-boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect
April 2 -
My friend Jane sent me and email she got from John
Cornyn. It starts out ---
This week, I will vote against the massive $3.6
trillion budget proposed by President
Austin American Statesman printed the email as a
op-ed piece, they corrected John's mistake.
But the biggest mistake Little Bad John made was by
sending this sucker to a women with a triple-digit IQ.
My friend Jane emailed back with this-
Your reason for
voting against the budget are lame red herrings.
How disgraceful that you use the pregnancy
center to support your argument. Yes, "up to 10
of the center's largest donors would see their
taxes go up under the president's plan." Huh?
10? Ten? Ten donors? How about the others?
They'll see their taxes go DOWN. REDUCE. LOWER.
Honestly, John, you
don't even know what it's like to be middle
class, let alone poor. You don't know what it's
like to have to make the decision between
diapers and eating. It's all a marketing ploy
Obama's budget WILL
RELIEVE the MIDDLE CLASS and provide jobs.
I am a small
business owner. In fact, I own TWO small
businesses, and I WELCOME Obama's budget.
STOP being AGAINST
everything. Think for a change.
Honey, if John thinks, his fringe will fall off.
It's just that simple. The only thing that's
holding that stuff on is ignorance.
April 2 - Just
when you think that Republican cannot get any crazier,
they raise the wacky bar. Take a look at this.
For those at work, this is a flyer made by a local
group called TEA (Taxed Enough Already) who is holding a
rally on April 15th in front of Sugar Land City Hall.
They believe that Barack Obama and the brand new
Democratic Congress are totally and completely
responsible for the national debt, earmarks, illegal
immigration, and - just for good measure - child
Short term memory loss is a tragic and embarrassing
disease. There are several scientific terms used
to describe it: Goofballs. Dinky dogs.
Insane Elaine. Republican.
Now I would be highly inclined to attend this rally
with a sign reminding them where we got this national
debt and which party made earmarks famous.
But, these people scare the peewahdoddle outta me.
They beat up elderly women just for fun in
front of the same Sugar Land City Hall where they are
meeting. They own air horns they will stick in a
They are not stable people. Pete Olson included.
No, wait, that's not right. Pete Olson especially.
By the way, didn't Pete Olson get "government run health
care" when his ticker wound down? Awww, Pete
wouldn't be a hypocrite, now would he?
My new BFF, Deborah, wrote a great reply to the flyer
and even found out who is behind this "grassroots"
uprising. I've given it a page of its own so you
can link to it or copy it to send it back to anyone who
sends you the flyer. Click
I can indeed say I'm very sick of a Congress
and president who run up trillions of
dollars in debt and then sell it to
countries such as China, that's why I voted
for the fiscally responsible party with a
record of bringing the country prosperity.
April 1 - Okay,
if you look real close to your computer screen you might
can see me waving my arms all about. That's
because I'm trying to clean the smoke outta here.
My head just caught on fire.
Okay, here's the deal. We have just been told, in
a freekin' footnote no less, that Fort Bend county’s
retirement system had a liability of $25.6 million as of
December of 2007, plus the Texas County and District
Retirement System, in which Fort Bend County’s
retirement contributions are invested, lost almost 29%
of its asset value in 2008.
In short, we're
hip deep in sheep dip.
And that ain't even all.
On top of that we have "more than $6 million in unpaid
claims involving worker’s compensation, auto and
Then you gotta add in the fact that our property values
have tanked, and that silly Republican ponzi scheme of
tax abatements to businesses is leaving us a tug boat
load of money short in the tax department.
But thankfully the brain trust on Commissioner Court
has a solution: spend $75 million for a Taj MaLaw
courthouse that we do not need and most of the judges
don't even want. Plus, it's ugly, and arranged
poorly, and takes multitudes of staff to run the place,
and has goofy ideas throughout. But on the plus
side, it's gonna slide in the Brazos River come the next
Oh Blessed Mother of Fence Gaps - we are on the wrong
side of moving up.
So, our county employees may get shorted on their
retirement and health care. And we may not have
enough money to pay our debts, but - dammit - we're
gonna have us a powerfully ugly courthouse that costs a
small fortune to run.
Would the Republican Majority in this county please get
their hands out of my pockets?
April 1 - Y'all,
look. The queen carries her purse around - even at
her own house!
No, I'm serious. Here they are at Buckingham
Palace and the Queen has her purse around her arm.
I mean, what's she got in that purse - the keys to the
magic hot rod or something?
I gotta admit, and maybe this is just a Texas thing,
but I don't know any women who carry their purse around
But, then again, maybe that's why I'm not the Queen.
You may not know anyone who carries
their purse around the house, but
then, you probably don't know anyone
with a house so big that they might
have to walk three miles or so to
get a hankie. Have some sympathy
for the old lady.
Limbaugh, in the midst of a tirade on Monday's radio
show against New York Governor David Paterson's tax
increases, denounced the state and announced that he
was vacating it immediately.
more stuff that's not as important as this ---
going to look for an alternative studio somewhere
outside New York, perhaps Texas -- another
no-income-tax state -- "
Ya know, maybe this is a good idea. I think Rush
should move right to Houston. The last
ultra-conservative crazy radio personality we had here
doing hard time for exposing himself to little
girls. He needs a druggie cell mate.
And by the way, Rush, if you think a state income tax is
bad, what until you see how they roll over us with
property taxes in Texas. Property taxes give you a
double hit: once when they raise the tax rate, and then
again when they falsely over evaluate your property.
April 1 - We
get email about our Lege from foreign states ---
Up here in Pennsyltucky, we have an
institution called the Pennsyltucky Snake
Univeristy. It's just down the road from me
in the town of Snake Collich. Despite its
name it really isn't big in herpetology. A
lot of the folks in town get riled from time
to time because the University keeps
increasing in size, buying up land and
making it non-taxable, and generally acting
as if it was some sort of Wall Street type
corporation that feeds at the public trough
but mostly they tolerate it because a whole
lot of people work there and the students
spend a whole lot of money at the bars in
town. And then there's the whole Nitwad
Lion athletic crowd and their fearless
leader Jopa Terno which brings in a whole
lot of people who come in on Friday to watch
the Footsball matches on Saturday and stay
through Sunday nursing their hangovers and
those people spend a lot of money in town
Last month the University announced that
it was breaking ground for a new highest
biosecurity level laboratory building out
near the necropsy lab (where farmers can
bring their dead animals and pay money to
someone who will dissect them and then say
they don't know what killed them for sure
but the farmer doesn't get a refund). It
seems that when university lacks specific
research facilities, the faculty members
can't get grants to do research that
requires that kind of facilities. It also
means that it's tougher for the university
to attract top notch researchers who have
grants to do that kind of research.
Unbeknownst to the average footsball fan,
research funds are at least as important as
tuition and ticket sales as a source of
revenue for the University. A University
gets to take a cut out of every research
grant dollar to cover "indirect costs" and
that money helps to pay for things like
Now I know that when it comes to stupid,
there's nothing quite like the Texas
legislature. But even they should be able
to see that they are going to damage the
reputation of UT, A&M, Rice and any other
highly rated research university in the
state. Not only the reputation, but the
ability of those institutions to attract and
retain top notch faculty. It probably won't
do much to heart the reputation of the UT
and A&M football / basketball teams nor the
Rice baseball team. I reckon that's pretty
much what those legislators think a
University is for anyway.
Welcome to the website formerly known as The World's Most
Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.
My name is
Susan DuQuesnay Bankston.
I live in Richmond, Texas, in heart of Tom DeLay's old
district. It's crazy here. No, seriously, it's
triple z crazzzy.
I used to be an independent voter, but that all changed when
I got to know a few local Republicans. They are meaner
than 10 acres of snakes and have the ethical compass of a
decided that they could just Kiss My Big Blue Butt.
A lot of
what I post here has to do with local politics, but you
probably have the same folks in your local government.
a blog. Blogs are way too trendy for me. I've
been doing this since 1992, so I'm used to it even if you
and I'll find a place to put it if I like it.