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December 31 - There's a website I've been enjoying for a while now and I guess I need to add it over to the sidebar. 
     It's called, appropriately, PolitiCook, and deals with two of my three favorite subjects - politics and cooking.  If they just talked baseball every now and then, It'd be the one-stop perfect website.
     You Yankees are missing something wonderful if you don't have a Southerner in your family who insists that you follow the tradition of eating black-eyed peas on New Year's Day. 
     We believe it brings luck throughout the year, which shows that we are an optimistic people considering Sherman's trip through Georgia, Katrina, and that whole Alamo thing. 
     The black-eyes are usually served with rice, ham hocks, greens, and cornbread.  It is Southern cooking at it's best.
     Which is why I brought up PolitiCook - they have some excellent black-eyed pea recipes over there. 
     My peas are already cooking on the stove, waiting for company tonight.  If yours aren't, step on it. 
     By the way, you never call it a "dish" or a "pot" of black-eyed peas.  It's called a "mess" of black-eyed peas, as in, "Thelma cooked up a mess of black-eyed peas so ya'll come on over here and eat your fill." Now ya know.

---

December 31 - Here's one I forgot to tell you about when it happened a couple of weeks ago, but today seems like the right time. 
     We will end the year in Fort Bend with a story that oh so indicative of my hometown.

According to Pecan Grove Municipal Utility District board director John Minchew, sometime after midnight on Monday, an unknown person, or persons, placed an early Christmas “present” on the front lawn of his home on Pitts Road.

    “It was a complete toilet with a stuffed Santa Claus sitting on it with his pants pulled down,” Minchew said.

    He hasn’t filed a complaint, saying the Santa scene on his front lawn “is funny.” The act seems to be another spiteful act of the Pecan Grove Volunteer Fire Department, Minchew said.

    “It’s a fireman versus policeman brotherhood thing,” he added, pointing out his background as a police officer. “I wouldn’t do that to them, but I get it.”
 

    Minchew said he called Fire Chief Paul LeDoux regarding the incident, but the chief denied he or any of his men had any part in the Christmas prank.

    After the accusations of the candy-dumping incident about a week ago, when Minchew found mounds of candy in his front yard, supposedly left there by fire department after the Pecan Grove Santa visit, LeDoux said he instructed his people to steer clear of Minchew and his property.

    “We didn’t have anything to do with it. Nothing.” LeDoux said. “All of my people were warned not to do or say anything to Mr. Minchew. (The prank) is not something we condone.”

    Minchew and the fire department have been at odds concerning the Pecan Grove Municipal Utility District’s decision not to collect funds for the department, as well as an audit of the department’s finances that took months to complete.

    The MUD board decided not to collect voluntary donations for the department, but met last week to discuss the issue again.

     Honey, if a pooping Santa in your front yard ain't like a horse's head in your bed, I don't know what is!
     Okay, it's like a redneck West Side Story with gangs, except they're not Jets and Sharks: they're Municipal Utility District folks and Volunteer Firemen.  Except they're not fighting over a girl; they're fighting over an audit and fundraising.  And they don't dance that I know of, and there's not anybody named Tony - just a Cletus and a Jim Bob.  And if even one of these guys breaks into "I Feel Pretty," somebody is gonna get stripped nakkid and left in Butch's pasture. 
     Okay, come to think of it, this ain't like West Side Story at all - it's like Dumb and Dumber.

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December 30 - Happy New Year's Eve Eve -- (work safe)

 

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December 30 - Thank you, Dick Locher ----

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December 29 - Okay, y'all, figured as much but I hate having to hear it from a foreign country --

As President George W Bush eyes his legacy, his presidential library at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, Texas, threatens to be a white elephant.

     Threatens?  Ya think?  Oh, apparently they've only raised enough money for a door and a couple of windows.

So far, fundraising has been “very modest”, according to Dan Bartlett, a former senior White House aide and spokesman for the library.

     Modest?  In this economy, modest means they're hanging a sign on this sucker down at Mobile Melvin's PreOwned Trailer Emporium and Bait Camp.  It'll say "The Dubya Liberry."
     And, fortunately, this is all they'll need because the old joke about Dubya's Liberry only having one book appears to be true. 

Despite their propagandist function, the libraries provide valuable access to archives that show the president “warts and all”, according to Hufbauer. But after 9/11 Bush signed an executive order granting presidents the right to withhold documents held in the libraries from the public.

     So, he's using his library for a big ole safe.  He's gonna put stuff in there, but you can't see it.  Kinda like his Presidency.
     By the way, for you outta staters, Dallas is now a blue city.  And that's partly because of Bush.  So, I guess it's fitting that they get his liberry.

---

December 28 - She's either delusional, in love, or just drunk.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that despite President Bush's low approval ratings, people will soon "start to thank this president for what he's done."

"So we can sit here and talk about the long record, but what I would say to you is that this president has faced tougher circumstances than perhaps at any time since the end of World War II, and he has delivered policies that are going to stand the test of time," Rice said in an interview that aired on CBS' "Sunday Morning."

     Oh yeah, catch this irony with an outfielder's glove: a Secretary of State who looked the other way before 911 happened is trying to tell me that I just don't understand George Bush. 
     Condoleezza, Honey, I've known George Bush a lot longer than you have, and I understand him plenty well - he's a self-serving, low achieving, spoiled rotten brat.
     I read the other day that 75% of Americans will be glad to see Bush go.  I am very worried about the other 24%.  Verdelia says they probably just didn't understand the question, or they live in Crawford.
     And then she says --

Rice said when the new administration takes over, she plans to return to the Hoover Institution at Stanford University and write two books -- one on foreign policy and one about her parents.

     And both will be fictional.

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December 27 - From my friend Carl in Cheboygan, there's some dandy snorkeling in Michigan today ---

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December 26 - Well, it's surely a sign of the end times:  Fred Hartman and I agree on something. 
     And that something is that Republican County Judge Bob Hebert is an odd man.  He's only got one oar in the water.  However, he's rowing faster than a bullet with legs.  Paddling like all get-out.
     Come to find out, Faux PhD Hebert doesn't even have a genuine undergraduate college degree.  The only honest academic accomplishment he has is a junior college degree, but he's still fighting for the right to be called "Doctor Hebert." 
     He, bygawd, even took it to court.  He apparently can't study too well, but dammit he can hire himself some lawyers to do it for him. 
     Hartman notes, ---

  It’s interesting to note that in the pleadings of the case, Hebert and the other plaintiffs recognize their degrees aren’t subject to an exemption in the diploma mill statutes because California Coast has never been accredited for doctorates.

      That’s the bottom line.

    If California Coast’s doctoral program is ever accredited, it won’t ever make Hebert’s degree valid. Accreditation can’t be retroactive.

    Hebert graduated from junior college, but never got a bachelor’s degree. He got an “executive” masters in business degree, and for some reason, felt the need to get a doctorate that doesn’t pass muster.

    Hebert’s degree doesn’t compare to someone who receives a doctorate from schools such as the University of Houston, UT or A&M, just to name a few. In fact, it’s an insult to the people who receive those degrees.

     In response to Hartman's good sense, Hebert wrote a goofy letter to the editor admitting that California Coast University wasn't a top tier university "like Harvard."  Well, alert the media on that one!
    However, according to Hebert, in the tower of universities, he puts California Coast University on the "second or third floor," which makes you really wonder what's in the lobby or the basement - Timbucktoo U.?  Miss Kathy's PreSchool of Glee?  No, actually I think Miss Kathy's made the fourth floor this year, leaving Cal Coast in the dust.
     Honey, California Coast University ain't even in the same area code as UT or SMU, much less in the same building.
     Goofiest letter I ever read, and I'm certain it'll be quoted extensively in opposition campaign materials in two years. 
     Hebert is dandy fun for a us Democrats.  He's got a fake education, he's been fined for the Ethics Commission, and he's just damn goofy.  And then there was that time he tired to be a judge.  Whoa Boy, the Commission on Judicial Conduct broke out in a cold sweat over that one until Hebert backed down.
     We're starting something new around here for the new year.  Miss Verdelia is helping us put people on appropriate prayer lists to heal this county of cronyism and rampant cement.  We have the first one today ---
     Accordingly, for his Fake PhD and thinking he's been anointed with book-learning, I have put Bob Hebert on the prayer list at A Fresh Anointing Church of God Inc.  I think it's his last hope for salvation, and I hear they give out PhD's, too. 

     Hartman and I do disagree about two things - that Hebert is a good county judge.  He's not.  And whether or not he was a "successful businessman."  Hartman obviously hasn't looked at Hebert's personal financial statement and nobody has been able to answer me this:  If Hebert was such a successful businessman, how come he always has his hands in someone else's pockets?  Huh? 
     Heck, I'm encouraging everyone to call him Dr. Pepper because he's full of fruit and fizz. 

---

December 26 - Well, the Christmas cooking went very well. 
     My new favorite niece, at least for the next couple of weeks, is Jill, who when someone asked what was in my sweet potatoes that made them so yummy, replied confidently, "Aunt Susan's sweet potatoes have two ingredients - butter and happy.  No, seriously, there's a cup of happy in there. I can taste it!"  Take THAT, Paula Dean!
     So since Jill and her baby sister Paula comprise about 2/3 of my readership, I figure they deserved their pictures on my blog. 
     I asked their permission to put their pictures here and they agreed to be seen in public with me as long as I did not include (1) who they were dating, or (2) tell any stories about them before the age of 20.  And yes, I do have the world's  best nieces, even if they are both Aggies.

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December 24 - I've got family coming and lotsa Cajun cooking to do before they get here, so thank goodness that David sends me some of the best videos on planet earth to keep you entertained while I cook.

     Don't make me come down there.

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December 23 - Ya know, I'm just full of gifts this time of year.  Unwrap my favorite humorist, John Kelso, on Rick Perry's license plates. 
     Here's the bow, but the rest of the gift is just as funny, so go read it ---

I was a little surprised the other day when Gov. Rick Perry came out in favor of a speciality Texas license plate that would fly the message "Choose Life."

As big a party animal as Gov. Perry is, I thought he'd be pushing for a speciality plate plugging Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue. Or how 'bout an "Adios Mofo" specialty plate, to honor his legendary gaffe to a TV reporter a few years ago?

No, seriously, I suspect the Right Rev. Perry is backing this plate to score political points with voters on the right. But that's OK. You've got to dance with the ones that brung you, even if the ones that brung you don't allow dancing.

     Kelso is one funny man.

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December 22 - Democratic panties -- (Not work appropriate)

 

     Just consider this my little Christmas gift to all you girlfriends. 

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December 22 - My buddy David found me a new word.  I like words, and this one is a dandy.  It pretty much describes Fort Bend County politicians ---

politicaster

The pejorative suffix -aster (meaning something that is inferior, small or shallow) gives us some delightful words when it comes to name-calling. A reviewer brands a poet a poetaster (an inferior poet) and the reviewee might return the favor by calling the former a criticaster (an incompetent critic).

In the same vein, we can have a philosophaster, an astrologaster, and a theologaster. Lest we get carried away here, let's remember that a grandmaster is not an inferior grandma.
 

MEANING:

noun: A petty politician.
 

ETYMOLOGY:

From Italian politicastro, from Latin politicus (political), from Greek politikos, from polites (citizen), from polis (city) + Latin -aster (pejorative suffix).
 

USAGE:

"The politicaster is looking for small opportunities -- for such pickings and stealings as a careless public may leave for those of his kind. The great politician is looking for great opportunities."
Samuel McChord Crothers; In Praise of Politicians; The Wall Street Journal (New York); Jan 5, 2004.

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December 22 - Thanks to a heads-up from SMG, we learn that Christine DeLay, Tom's wife, is facing a subpoena in the ARMPAC case and is hollering "spousal immunity."
     It seems there's a spat among the brotherhood formerly associated with ARMPAC and they're all suing each other for giving them fleas.  Cripes!  What the fool tarnation do they think happens when you lay down with dogs?  A basic outline of the case, and Christine's involvement is here. 
     Anyway, Christine says that hiring a lawyer is a financial hardship.  I guess Tom's Pay Per View website didn't pan out to be the money pile they'd hoped. 
     And boy howdy, how about all that money Ed Buckham threw at her?  What did she do with that?

The Washington Post previously disclosed that from 1998 to 2002, Buckham's lobbying firm, Alexander Strategy Group, paid Christine DeLay a monthly salary averaging between $3,200 and $3,400. Cullen initially said the payments were for telephone calls she made periodically to the offices of certain members of Congress seeking the names of their favorite charities. Christine DeLay then forwarded that information to Buckham, along with some information about those charities.

Last week, Cullen said the payments were also for general political consulting Christine DeLay provided to her husband. Cullen said he does not have complete records of the salary payments or the dates when Christine DeLay performed the work from the couple's home in Sugar Land, Tex. But a source familiar with the pay records said the total she received from the Alexander Strategy Group was about $115,000.

Together with the retirement account worth about $25,000, this means the family's total financial benefits from entities at least partly controlled by Buckham exceeded $490,300.

     I dunno know if I even want Tom indicted.  He's broke, lost his job, can't find a way to make a living, lost all his friends, and is now spending the holiday listening to Christine whine.  Jail would be a relief.

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December 21 - You know, I'm gonna be real good and say my prayers and mind my manners because I do not want to spend eternity in hell with Dick Cheney ---

WALLACE: Highest moment the last eight years?

CHENEY: Hmmm. Highest moment in the last eight years? Well, I think the most important, the most compelling, was 9/11 itself, and what that entailed, what we had to deal with. The way in which that changed the nation, and set the agenda for what we had to deal with as an administration.

 

     However, the good news is that, at least according to Dante, about the worst I can do is 'round about the third circle of hell - especially after eating my way through the South - but Dick will spend eternity in the ninth circle, squashed between Ptolemy and Judas, where he belongs.  I'm serious.  That man is evil.  There's something real wrong with that man.

     On a lighter note and speaking of where you'd want to spend eternity, I have a cute story to tell my friends:
     I've had the same family doctor since 1978 and I've just about got him trained right.  So, I went to see him a couple of weeks ago and told him that I wanted to get a tattoo and should I take any precautions.
     He said, "Why the fool tarnation would you want to do something like that?" in voice loud enough to be heard in the waiting room in clear violation of about 14 different medical privacy laws. 
     I explained, "I want to get the Star of Texas tattooed on my ankle, so when I get to heaven and God picks me up by my heel to sort me out along with all the other new arrivals, he'll know to toss me in the Texas pile.  Otherwise, I could get thrown in some other pile and end up spending eternity with people from some damfool place like Utah or Florida or Alaska or something."
     He sat there quietly for a minute, and then said, "Well, I hadn't thought about that.  Now I guess I'll have to go with you."
     In my mind, that's an odd sort of salvation.

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December 20 - Okay, anybody got any idea what he's running for?  Got a Christmas card from Richard Pena Raymond.  Never got one from him before.  Don't live in his district.

     Nice guy.  Beautiful family.  Great Texan.

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December 19 - As if getting beaten at the polls so badly during the GOP primary that he still has to unzip his pants to see out wasn't enough humiliation, former Sugar Land Mayor and Current Official County Laughingstock Dean Hrbacek made Texas Monthly's Bum Steer awards for the year.
     Oh, yeah.
     When he arranged to have his head put on a far slimmer body that looked amazingly like the guy who defeated him for mayor, Dean got caught and famous on the same darn day.
     Texas Monthly wrote the title, "Unfortunately, his head was the the voter's biggest concern," and then said, "A mailer for congressional candidate Dean Hrbacek, of Sugar Land, included a doctored photo showing the candidate with a slimmer body."
     Bless his heart, he takes himself so seriously that none of the rest of us have to. 

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December 18 - Here's how you know there's going to be a special election for the Senate seat in Texas --

     You get your first ever Christmas card from Houston Mayor Bill White, and you don't even live in Houston.

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December 18 - Y'all, this is too cool.
     I got The Perfect Storm Email yesterday. 
     It disagrees with me.  It contains the b word.  And it's yelling.  Oh, God love us, it's damn near perfect.
     To make things even better, just for Christmas I will share it with you.  Exactly as I got it.  Except I cut out the last name.

I HAVE FOLLOWED YOUR BLOG FOR SOMETIME BECAUSE I BELIEVE ANDY MYERS DIDNT GET ALL HE DESERVES AND I FOUND A LOT OF HUMOR IN YOUR POSTINGS. HOWEVER I WAS SURPRISED AT THE INCREASE IN BITCHERY AS THE PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN HEATED UP. HOWEVER TO MY POINT.CHARLIE HOWARD REPRESENTS,SUCH AS IT IS, THE INTERESTS OF THE PEOPLE OF HIS DISTRICT WHILE THE LOBBYING FIRM REPRESENTS THE INTERESTS OF THE CITY OF SUGAR LAND. TWO DIFFERENT ENTITIES,TWO VASTLY DIFFERENT AGENDAS.I WOULD LOOK MORE TO THE HIRING OF A LOBBIEST AS A ELECTION PAYMENT.RICHARD W(PRAGMATIST)

Dear Richard the Pragmatist,

     Imagine my shock to discover that you found an increase in my bitchery as things "heated-up" in the Presidential election.  First, I didn't even know that bitchery was a word.  I thought it was bitchola, or bitchorama.  So, I learned something new today.
     As most experts will agree, my bitchery is at the maximum internationally agreed level, set at the Bitch Convention in the Hague in 1947 and ratified by all nations with the exception of West Arethaville. And then there's Newton's little known twelfth law that states: heat decreases bitchery in inverse proportion to living in the South, so I've got that going for me, too.
     Additionally, if you had done your research, you would have discovered that I am CEO and CFO of Bitch and the Bitch Family of Companies, which include --

- Hackling Hags of London
- Grinning Bitch Enterprises
- The Cackling Jezebel Consortium
- Happy Harlot Holding Company
- Smirking Spinster Society
          And, of course ...
- Bitch, Cohen, and Bitch, Ltd.

     Bitch and The Bitch Family of Companies is the only known growth industry in this economy and we would never apply for a bailout. However, if we did, we would get it and nobody better say a darn word about it because we have had it, had it, had it with you leaving your stinkin' socks on the floor and not knowing how to replace the toilet paper roll and when are you gonna quit leaving your chair out at the dinner table and would somebody please get me some chocolate right now, dammit.
     Which logically brings us to Charlie Howard. 
     Through a quirk in election law and the Magna Carta, Charlie Howard represents the people of Sugar Land and at the same amazing time, the city government of the City of Sugar Land represents the people of the city of Sugar Land.  I won't go into how Congressvarmint Pete Olson also represents the people of the City of Sugar Land because your head might explode and we don't want that to happen, now do we?
     If the people of the City of Sugar Land and the government of the City of Sugar Land have different agendas, then they have bigger problems over there than traffic and a shocking lack of bowling alleys.
     To make matters worse, I discovered yesterday that Fort Bend County Commissioner's Court hired two - count 'um, not one, but two - lobbyists to represent the county in Austin. 
     Andy Meyers says the new lobbyist "will aid the county by examining bills in depth and relaying to both the Commissioners Court and to legislators the impact they could have on Fort Bend County."  Up until this very moment, I thought that was the elected officials job.  You know, to look at bills.  I thought that's what we gave them money for, and now I have no idea why we give them money.
     You know what we need on Sugar Land City Council and Commissioners Court?  We need a bitch.  And I just happen to have a couple handy.

Love and Boys, I'm Taking Charge Here,
Susan

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December 18 - Okay ---

1.  Get elected.  Check

2.  Immediately stick hand out for money.  Check.

     I told you.  She's a jerk.

I just got a copy of the actual invitation.  It's a little pricey, but, currying fiduciary favor with a state senator just before she takes office - Honey, that's priceless.

Join us for
Holiday cheer and
treats at an

Officeholder Account Fundraiser

for

Joan Huffman

State Senator-Elect, District 17

Friday, December 19, 2008
12:00 Noon to 2:00 pm
Campaign Headquarters
6129 Edloe Street, Houston, TX 77005

YES, I want to attend Joan's reception and will donate securely online today.
Suggested Amounts: $5,000 $2,500 $1,000 $500 $250

I'm unable to attend but I would like to support Joan today!

If you would like to donate by mail, please make checks payable and mail to:
Texans for Joan Huffman Campaign
2032 Buffalo Terrace, Houston, TX 77019

To RSVP, call 713-861-0902 or email Hannah@waldenassociates.com

The moratorium on campaign contributions does not apply to the Joan Huffman Campaign until she takes office, which will occur the last week of December.

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December 17 - Sugar Land pretty much has their own State Representative.  Charlie Howard, who has come to represent everything you've ever hated about Christian Greed and Mischief since Elmer Gantry and Jim Bakker, represents Sugar Land in the Texas State Lege.
     But, apparently not very well.
     Our friend W. Justice lets us know that the Sugar Land City Council has about as much faith in Charlie Howard's abilities as I do - which is diddle squat.  No, that's not exactly right.  It's not diddle squat.  It's peediddle diddle squat, which is an ounce less that your actual diddle squat.
     The City of Sugar Land has hired a lobbyist to represent Sugar Land's interests in Austin. 
     I am not kidding.
     They think so poorly of Charlie that they are spending $100,000 of tax money to hire lobbyists to "promote the city's legislative agenda."
     Among is whereas's in the city's hiring of someone who speaks the English language and keeps their hands in their own pockets while they are there, is this wording, "the Sugar Land City Council finds that there are many items brought before the Legislature of the State of Texas that may directly affect the public health, safety or welfare of the residents of the City of Sugar Land."
     Now see, that's just embarrassing.  You'd think the elected state representative would care about the public health, safety and welfare of his constituents, but nooooo..... not lazy Charlie. 
     When a city has to pay $100,000 of taxpayer money to get their interests represented in Austin, it's time for something basic to change.   

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December 17 - Thank you, Gary Markstein --

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December 17 - Rats, rats, rats.  Chris Bell lost.  Two of the biggest areas in SD17 are in very Republican areas of Harris and Fort Bend Counties. 
     Honky Tonk Joan (Huffman) continues to be a jerk and now everyone in Texas will know what a creep she is.  This ain't sour grapes on my part - this is grapes that have been fermenting for years.  That woman just gained 140 pounds - she's now got me on her back.
     Chris Bell, always the gentleman, released this statement --

"I entered this race because I truly believe it is vital for us to change the overall direction of our state.  Though we came up short tonight, I am very proud of the campaign we have run - a campaign that focused on the issues that matter to the people of Texas and Senate District 17.

I traveled across this district and visited with so many of its residents about the concerns they face.  It only reinforced my belief that in order to create a brighter future for our kids, we must act now to implement real education and health care reform.

I want to thank all of my supporters and campaign volunteers who worked tirelessly to bring real reform to the Texas Senate.  We could not have made it without your time, energy and commitment to this campaign and to the future of Texas."

     And thanks to all of y'all who helped.

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December 16 - Phun with Physics.
     You don't have to read German to have fun with it.  (Thanks, David!)

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December 16 - And now you know why we call him Dick. 

In an interview with Rush Limbaugh (via Politico), Vice President Dick Cheney predicted that the next president will appreciate the way he and George Bush expanded executive power.

     And what did the American people get for your efforts, Dick?  Dick.

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December 15 - David sent me a play toy that I've been trying out while I'm taking a break.  Check you favorite blog and see if this helps you understand bloggers.
     It's back porch psychology, Babe, but sometimes that's the best kind.

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December 15 - No matter where you are, you can get in on this action.  Make some phone calls for Chris Bell.  With the extremely low voter turnout for early voting, a few phones can make the difference.  The election is tomorrow.
     Anybody anywhere can help. 
     And if you live close to the district, we need your boots on the ground tomorrow.  We're going to have a high of 48 degree and rain.  We may have to bring extra coats and drag people to the polls because most Texans don't go outside until it hits at least 75 degrees. 
     Huffman is a creep.  We have to win this one.  We cannot stand one more jerk Republican in the Texas Senate.  We're already over our limit.

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December 14 - And we shall be greeted as liberators ---- uh, liberator of shoes.

 

     You know, if it was anybody other than George Bush, you'd almost feel sorry for them.  Almost.  You're even hated in the country you "liberated."  So much for a legacy.

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December 12 - Joan Huffman is a creep.  I personally know that for a fact.  Having her in the State Senate will be a major mistake for Texas because she's a self-centered, two-faced jerk who thinks the entire State of Texas revolves around her and the honky tonks that she and her husband own.
     Let me tell you about Joan Huffman's attitude.  It's all about her.  Everything.
     For example ----

Joan Huffman's campaign for state Senate appears to have broken the law against campaigning on property where voting is taking place, Harris County Clerk Beverly Kaufman said today.

Republican Huffman, opposing Democrat Chris Bell in next Tuesday's state Senate District 17 runoff, hosted a barbecue luncheon for voters today inside the Tracey Gee Community Center in far west Houston. Early voting in the state Senate election is taking place through Friday in another room in the same building.

Commissioner Steve Radack, a Republican, said he attended the luncheon along with Huffman and urged people to vote for her. She is a former felony court judge.

Under state law, it is a Class C misdemeanor, punishable by a fine of up to $500, to campaign for or against a candidate "within 100 feet of an outside door through which a voter may enter the building in which a polling place is located."

     Look, she knows that a $500 fine is a very small "rental fee" for the very convenient location of her barbeque.  She knows the law, but was willing to break it because the $500 fine is less than a normal rental fee for any room in the area. 
     She's a creep.  Mark my word.  I know her.
     Go vote for Chris Bell.  And if you're not doing anything next Tuesday, start phone calling for Chris.

---

    

   

 

December 12 - Ya know, when the Illuminati Karate can make Bush look like an idiot, it's just the cherry on top of the Damn Worse President Ever. 
     Goodness sake, he even screws-up going out the door.
     Bush:  The End of an Error.

George W. Bush's presidential library domain name has been retrieved after a Web developing company accidentally let it expire — and it apparently came at a high price.

Raleigh, N.C.-based Illuminati Karate paid less than $10 for the www.GeorgeWBushLibrary.com domain name and sold it back earlier this year for $35,000 to the library's contracted Web developers, Yuma Solutions, said George Huger, lead Web developer for Illuminati Karate.

    You know, I got to thinking.  That's site name is a tad off for anybody who would be (1) interested enough to go see it, and (2) be able to type it out.
     They should have reserved georgewbushliberry.com

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December 11 - Okay, some people fight for peace or against hunger.  Others fight fires, cancer or even terrorists. 
     And our county judge?  Well Honey, he fights for his right to be called doctor even though he bought it from a diploma mill.
     That's right.  He's still trying to make everyone call him a doctor. 

Embarrassed into removing the "Ph.D" designation from his name after news reports said it came from a diploma mill, Fort Bend County Judge Bob Hebert has won the right to call himself "doctor" again if he so chooses.

Hebert and several other graduates or perspective graduates of California Coast University filed suit early this year challenging Texas officials who maintain a list of institutions whose academic degrees are illegal to use in Texas.

Under the state's relatively new diploma-mill laws, Texans who use degrees from institutions on the list in advertising, promotion or to get a job or promotion can be charged with a criminal misdemeanor.

Hebert, who holds a doctorate from CCU, learned that school was on the so-called diploma-mill list in 2007.

Just over a year ago, KHOU TV-11 broadcast a report including Hebert in a short list of public officials "with phony, even illegal diplomas."

"It was a terrible TV interview," Hebert recalled on Thursday. "Channel 11 raked me over the coals," and the Fort Bend Herald-Coaster "said I was a disgrace to the county."

     Well, at least that last statement hasn't changed.
     Those of us who actually worked at a real institution for a doctorate, or watched as someone who did, feel a little creeped-out over Hebert's winky degree. 
     It's fine with me if you want to continue your education; hey, lotsa people do.  But, to do it just so you can make yourself look way educated beyond what you really are is .... silly.
     It's nice to know that our county judge is hard at work on real problems that our county has.  (Sarcasm is just another friendly free public service we offer here.)
     After getting caught paying his wife about $700 an hour from his campaign account and this year's election results, this dude is so toast in two years.  You can stick a fork in him, Honey ... although he will fly around the room backwards for a month what with how full of hot air he is.

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December 11 - Well, it really did snow in Houston last night.  Momma, living 40 miles north of me in the frozen tundra of Spring Branch, got a lot more snow than we did, so it was fun to be at her house last night. 
     I had a ball at the Spring Branch Democrats last night.  That is a fun crowd, the zydeco music was great, and they even laughed at my jokes.  The evening ended with a special treat of music from Josh Weedman - watch for that name because he'll soon be a famous tenor. 
     Thank you Christina Walsh for inviting me to the best Christmas party around!

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December 10 - Y'all, it's snowing.  Really. 
     We're driving into Spring Branch tonight because I'm speaking at the Spring Branch Democrats Holiday Party.  Before I leave, I'm going to try to collect enough snow to maker a snowball to throw at Momma when I get there!

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December 10 - I love yew, Texas.
     Yesterday it was 75 degrees where I am.  Today, there's sleet just up the road in Sealy. 

     The temperature dropped 40 degrees yesterday evening and caught me in flip-flops and a tee-shirt taking out the garbage in a blue norther.  Heck, it was easier to shiver than find a danged coat.
     I think it's supposed to be tanning weather tomorrow. 

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December 9 - Well, most folks saw this coming a mile off.  Cripes, what a disgrace ---

Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich was arrested on Tuesday on charges he brazenly conspired to sell or trade the U.S. Senate seat left vacant by President-elect Barack Obama to the highest bidder in what a federal prosecutor called a "corruption crime spree."

U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald told a news conference prosecutors make "no allegations" Obama was aware of any alleged scheming.

     Blagojevich has been itching to be brought down, and thank God that Patrick Fitzgerald is on top of this one.  Shockingly, Blagojevich retains the right to appoint the new Senator - even from jail. 

So will Blagojevich retain the right to name Obama's successor, even if he remains in custody or under indictment? The answer is yes, according to U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald.

     Dick Durban wants Blagojevich to resign immediately.  I'd like to second that, third it, and bury it under home plate!
     And when Patrick Fitzgerald finishes with this one, let's put him in charge of the big three car companies.

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December 9 - You know how you know it's Christmas?  The Scrooges in Texas Lege are spending your money on themselves.

Granite countertops gleam and antique chandeliers glimmer inside the newly renovated members' lounge in the House, which lawmakers spent $140,000 in tax dollars to remake.

     The reasoning behind the remodel? 

"We could have spent a lot more money than this, but these members who come here and work 140 days – plus special sessions – they deserve a place where things work," said Mr. Goolsby, chairman of the House Administration Committee, which oversaw the project. "We had plumbing problems here. The place was dirty."

     They work a whole 140 days a year so they deserve a world class break room?  So, a toilet plunger and a can of Lysol wouldn't have been the better way to go?  And then ---

From LCD televisions, custom cabinetry, freezers, warming drawers and an icemaker to the 1800s-era chandeliers that cost $14,500 apiece, the renovations were done with functionality and preservation in mind, said officials from the House and the State Preservation Board.

     Okay, so "dirty" wasn't the problem after all?  No icemaker or chandeliers was the problem?
     And then the ugly truth comes out ---

Documents show that Nadine Craddick, wife of House Speaker Tom Craddick, was involved in some of the renovation decisions, including overseeing the granite selection and approving some of the kitchen appliances. Her involvement raised questions about who was really behind the project.

     Nadine, Nadine, there ya go again, Hon.  You just gotta quit spending other people's money on the Home Shopping Network.  It's getting embarrassing.  You ain't no interior decorator, Nadine, so quit it because there's only so many bronze toilets and crystal chandeliers to go around and you cornering the market on them at taxpayer expense ain't making me happy.
     By the way, the only good news to come out of this decorating muddle was that the guy heading it up, Rep. Tony Goolsby from Dallas, got his butt beat last November.
     Now if we can just get rid of Nadine -----

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December 8 - Okay, I'm phone banking for Chris Bell all day today.  Early voting started this morning.
     So, if you haven't voted by noon, expect a call from me.  And, you better not have more excuses than the Foster High School attendance office for why you haven't voted yet.
     If you don't live in SD17 in Texas, you can still help elect Chris.  Just contact one of his headquarters and they will email you a call list because I can't make all these calls myself, you know.  And the Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club is calling for his opponent because she's as far right wing as you can get, edging-up real close to falling off the reality cliff.  She is nuttier than squirrel poop, Honey.
     And if you can't do that, give the man some money.  $25 will pay for half of one of his ads on CNN.  Come on people, do it.  Good Lord, that's one shoe.  If good government ain't worth one shoe to you, then need to to get outta here and shut the door behind you. 
     Here's a picture of Chris I took at the house of one of my best friends. He's kinda cute.  I mean, he ain't Elvis or nothing, but he's kinda cute.  You know that you ain't got nothing better to do this week, so dammit, call for Chris. 
     Give him an hour of your time.  You'll be a better person for it and Remember:  Santa Claus is watching.  You don't even have to live here to call for him.  Just because you made the mistake of living in some danged foreign state doesn't mean that good government in Texas is unimportant to you.  Look at it this way, if we had good government in Texas a decade ago, you wouldn't be suffering from the Bush years. 
     Scared ya, didn't I? 
     So do something. 

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December 7 - Up out of the clear blue when I was busy elsewhere, Harris County Tax Assessor Collector Paul Bettencourt just hangs it up and resigns.  Like that.
     Heaven's sake, he just got elected less than a month ago and he quits with no explanation?  Oh, that don't look right.  Paul Burka at Texas Monthly has his suspicions ---

Bettencourt announced his resignation Friday in a brief statement in which he said that he had been offered an opportunity in the private sector over the Thanksgiving holidays.

However, if he had remained in office, the chances were that things would have gotten rather unpleasant for him. Democrats had filed a lawsuit accusing Bettencourt of illegally rejecting voter registration applications and have said they would pursue the lawsuit next year. A case involving civil rights with the Justice Department in Democratic hands may well have been enough to persuade Bettencourt that the time was right for a career change.

     I tend to suspect the same thing.  Business opportunities don't drop unannounced out of the sky over the Thanksgiving holidays in this economy, Babe.  However, investigations by a new Justice Department just might. 

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December 5 - Okay, Folks, it looks like W. Justice had a crystal ball.  Pete Olson wants a bailout.
     It appears that Congressvarmint Pete Olson owes former DeLay operatives and the IRS a hunk of money and Bob Dunn has the story.

Left with at least $170,000 in personal loans to his campaign and more than $100,000 owed to consultants, campaign workers and the IRS, incoming GOP Congressman Pete Olson is asking the public to help pay his debts.

---- and then -----

Federal Election Commission post-election campaign finance reports show the expensive battle left Olson spent. He lent his campaign $196,045.84 between August 2007 and October 2008.

However, an Oct. 23 loan to the campaign of $26,045.84 apparently was used to pay off $26,045.84 of a $50,000 loan Olson made to his campaign on Aug. 12, 2007, leaving a balance in that loan of $23,954.16. The FEC shows total loans for the period of $170,000.

     And he wants you to pay off his debt so he can spend time fighting Democrats!

"Please help ensure that I can dedicate my time to stopping damaging Democrat policies and promoting positive conservative solutions by assisting with our debt retirement," Olson said. "Your donation of $200, $100, or $50 will help us do that!"

     He wants a damn bailout!  He wants you to pay for his bad planning and decisions. 
     Oh, this one might be even more fun than Tom DeLay. 

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December 5 - Well, this is the best news I've had since election day - Caroline Kennedy is being considered for Hillary Clinton's Senate seat.
     As my close friends know, a coffee stained, earmarked, and  much beloved copy of Caroline's book, A Patriot's Handbook, sits on the table beside my favorite reading chair. 
    If you're looking for a prefect Christmas present to give a friend who loves politics, this is it.  You might even consider giving it to yourself. 
     I am a huge Caroline Kennedy fan.  In fact, it was her eloquent endorsement of Barack Obama that captured me when I couldn't decide during the primary.
     She will bring intelligence, compassion, and class to the Senate.  I hope she takes it.

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December 5 - Thank you, Steve Kelley.

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December 4 - We get email about Olson already ---

December 4 - Well, lookie here.  Another report from The Texas International Historical Coalition of the Shockingly Obvious:

AUSTIN – Texas voters are increasingly dissatisfied with the state's Republican leaders and are open to the idea of electing a Democrat as governor in the next election, according to a new survey by an established GOP pollster. 

"The poll results challenge the conventional wisdom that Texas is a solidly red state," said Mr. Hill. "This shows that the Republican Party's image, even among Anglos and conservatives and self-professed Republicans, is often not what we would like it to be."

Texas voters don't think the GOP is delivering government that is low-cost, in-touch or devoted to the common good, the poll shows.

     Republicans?  Out of touch?  This planet?
     I do have to say that I found some charm in seeing the words "Republican" and "common good" in the same sentence.  You don't see that too often because there's some grammatical rules against that.
     Honey, they came within two points of losing Fort Bend County - the home of Tom DeLay and the birthplace of the Republican Revolution.  They will lose the county in two years and they know it.  Locally, they have no party or club structure left due to infighting, not one Republican blogger willing to go non-anonymous and take responsibility for what they say, and their head political consultant is humiliating herself in public this week with a written record at the courthouse.
     Which, by the way, I have to tell you a little bit about:  According to sources, a bailiff testified under oath yesterday that he heard Ms. Pearson's mother and ADA Mike Elliott discussing the case in the hallway in violation of a direct court order.  The mother denies it. 
     And, to the delight of all, Ms. Pearson kept insisting repeatedly on the witness stand that she had been "decepted" by this man she was freely giving money and God only knows what else to.  We think she meant "deceived," but decepted is good.  It sounds like someone clogged up her rural sewer system.  Which may have happened, too.  I dunno. 
     And then lastly, to bring full circle why our local  Republicans just don't get it, they are having a Christmas Party ..... at a bank.  Not just any bank, mind you, The Prosperity Bank.
     Oh yeah, Sweet Little Baby Jesus was born in a humble vault behind the loan department. 
     Money changers, please meet really hacked-off Jesus. 
     For goodness sake, if you're going to call it a Christmas party, have it somewhere Christ would want to go. 
     It's tonight.  Be there and take some umbrage with you.  I hope their tables are bolted to the floor.  You know, just in case Jesus shows up.

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December 3 - Lamar Smith, who is a creepy little prissy Republican Congressvarmint from central Texas, has had his campaign treasurer write a damn funny letter to the Federal Election Commission. 
     'Cept I think it wasn't meant to be funny. Smith's campaign treasurer is named Pike Powers.  No kidding. But, that's not even the funny part.
     Here's a copy of the letter in PDFformat (it's just one page.).
     Lamar Smith wants the FEC to tell him its okay for the same person to be the treasurer of both his campaign committee and his leadership PAC and still maintain the legal mumbo-jumbo fiction that they are really separate entities - you know, like maybe the guy has a split personality or something and his personalities aren't speaking to each other. 
     Lamar Smith - The Congressman from Weird.

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December 3 - We have some local fun going on here.
     You remember me telling you about Karen Pearson, the recently divorced highly paid local Republican political consultant who caught herself a bad case of the friskys when she met a guy named Joey Sula at a Louisiana casino while perched at the $100 slot machines.
     Oh Honey, this was a flaming case of the hots.  After all, sex and money are the two favorite Republican pastimes, and Pearson is as connected as they come.
     Ends up that she loans Sula a hunk o' money, which she came by through charging local Republicans about the same fair price as picture show popcorn and by her ex-husband being willing to pay a million dollars to be rid of her. 
     Ms. Pearson has the same high ethics as the Republican moral guru Bill Bennett - gambling ain't a sin.  In fact, it's a great way to get rich quick without work, which makes it very Republican.  I ain't saying that Ms. Pearson has a gambling problem, but she sure has a habit.  So, suddenly she finds herself in desperate need of the money she loaned Sula.
     Now Sula ain't no innocent in all this either.  He told Pearson that he was a former NFL player and still worked for the NFL.  Hey, listen up, guys have told worse lies than that for sex and money.  I know that for a fact.  Admit it, you do, too.
     So Pearson needs her money back and Sula ain't giving because the terms of the loan were that he'd pay it back when he could.  Could does not necessarily mean right now. 
     So Pearson, being very connected, gets her political buddy in the DA's office, Mike "Quick Draw" Elliott, to actually go to Harris County and arrest Sula.  No, seriously, a Fort Bend County DA took his gun and a DA investigator into another county to make an arrest like he's some kind of Dirty Harry or something.  Hell, even I was impressed with that move and, Honey, I thought I'd seen it all.
     So, anyway, the reason I'm telling you all this is that the case is going to trial this week.  Oh yes, your tax dollars at work.  This is a civil matter, but we have to tie up a much needed criminal courtroom and you have to pay for Ms. Pearson's bad judgment.  Why?  Because Ms. Pearson is oh so connected. 
     They had to bring in a visiting judge because, come to find out, the judge whose court it was in was also a client of Ms. Pearson's.  And a real close friend.
     So anyway, the local daily is covering the trial.  There was in interesting tidbit in yesterday's paper --

    Sula is being represented by defense attorney Larry Vick, who earlier asked the case to be thrown out because of alleged ties between the Fort Bend County District Attorney’s Office and Pearson. Vick points out that white collar crime prosecutor Mike Elliott, who was involved in the case in its early stages, is the husband of District Clerk Annie Elliott, a client of Pearson’s.

    Visiting Judge W.G. “Dub” Woods, however, ruled against Sula, and allowed the case to proceed. Carpenter said he alone has been prosecuting the case, and Elliott has not been involved since the indictment.

     Okay, notice the wording, "since the indictment."  That means Quick Draw Elliott took the case to the Grand Jury.  God only knows what he told the Grand Jury, and God, at least at this point, ain't tellin'.
     And, guess who is Carpenter's boss?  You got it. 
     However, just like several other highly political prosecutions going on in the county with Elliott's name on them, they couldn't call in a special prosecutor for these cases or they'd have been dismissed quickly, leaving egg all over the face of Elliott and DA John Healey, and howls that our DA's office has the local concession on third world dictator justice.
     I told you this long story so you can smile smugly and say, "Okay, so where I live ain't so bad."

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December 2 - I wait twelve months for this every year - the Official Dave Barry Gift Giving Guide.  It is always the highlight of my holiday season.  Bubba is so getting a Uroclub for Christmas.  I hope they make it in his size.

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December 2 - Thanks to Scott for the heads up that the Texas College Republicans, a statewide organization and official auxiliary of the Texas Republican Party, has picked good ole Lance Kennedy as their leader, a very entertaining fellow.
     Kennedy got his 15 minutes of fame when he did a foreign flag burning on the UT Arlington campus, disgracing the university and horrifying foreign students. 
     Young Lance then added in that way of speaking that only Republicans can pull off without seeing the irony, “I don’t want to be labeled as a racist or bigot.”
     Well duh, Cowboy, if you don't want to ride the horse, don't saddle it up.
     If this is the crop that Republicans are growing, they sure don't need no fertilizer. 

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December 2 - Why you have to vote one more time:  it's important. 

     Chris Bell had the courage to stand up against Tom DeLay.  He will have the courage to stand up for stem cell research.
     If you live in SD17 in Texas, go vote one more time --- for Chris Bell  --- on December 16th.  If you don't, send money or spend time on the phone to call voters.  Dammit, do whatever you can do to support Chris Bell. 
     Hell, I came home from vacation a week early just to volunteer for Chris.  It's that important.    

 

    

My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston.
I live in Richmond, Texas, in heart of Tom DeLay's old district.  It's crazy here.  No, seriously, it's triple z crazzzy.

I used to be an independent voter, but that all changed when I got to know a few local Republicans.  They are meaner than 10 acres of snakes and have the ethical compass of a bank robber. 

So, I decided that they could just Kiss My Big Blue Butt.

A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.

This ain't a blog.  Blogs are way too trendy for me.  I've been doing this since 1992, so I'm used to it even if you ain't. 

Email me and I'll find a place to put it if I like it.