If you'd
like to make a comment,
email it to me
Email comments are in the blue boxes.
June 30 -
Okay, so the problem got fixed and comments are now
being posted on
Fort Bend Democrats.
Have at it.
And, remember, you can have your own blog at Fort Bend
Democrats. Just let me know you want one and we'll
take it from there!
June 29 -
Okay, stop whatever you're doing and
read Hal's take on a letter from the Chairbimbo of
the Texas Republican Party.
I want someone to fund a scientific study of Republican
women, er --- girls. I have never met a Republican
woman. I have, however, met a whole slew of
Republican girls. Even 50 year old ones - still
running for cheerleader. Creepy stuff.
See, I figure a study would prove they are a quart low
on estrogen. I tried to conduct this study myself
with a roomful of Republican women and a dipstick, but
it didn't work out like I wanted. They just all
fixed dinner for the dipstick. Habit, I guess.
Anyway, honk over over to Hal's and read Tina's letter
of desperation for Big Bad John.
Those hateful ads that Chairgirl Tina
has her panties so twisted in a bunch
about? I saw one. It consists largely of
the Big Bad John ad being made Big Bad
Fun of. This gets better all the time.
Yer friend at the Capitol,
Dave
June 28 -
Billy Bob, please announce the winner of today's coveted
"Republican Chuckle" award ---
Susan, today's award goes to Republican Senator Larry
"Bathroom Stall" Craig and Republican Senator David
"Pavement Princess" Vitter for
co-sponsoring SJ 43: A joint resolution to
define marriage as being between one man and one woman,
or one man and the guy in the next stall, or one man and
his hooker, or one man and things you don't even want to
know about your Republican Senators.
No, seriously -
go look it up. They are listed as co-sponsors.
Damn, I love Republicans. They put the hip in
hypocrisy.
If there's two people whose marriages need
defending, it's Diaper Boy and Wide Stance.
These bozos haven't a clue as to the word
"irony". You can't make stuff like this
up-nobody would believe it-but in real life
it writes itself.
Mike
Larry
Craig gives the phrase "being stalled in the
airport" a whole new meaning.
Sam
Susan,
I believe the reason more than one
Republican wants to define marriage as
solely between a man and a woman is because
marriage is the only way they can pretend
that they are straight.
Brian
Susan,
This definitely is not funny. After I
sent the last email about the defense of
marriage legislation I thought about how
many Republicans have been, well,
exposed recently. I used the keywords
----
republican sex arrested
in Google and was truly shocked at what
showed up.
This whole pressure cooker explosion is
a result of repression which for
whatever reason they want to force upon
the rest of us.
Looks like someone actually went through
the trouble to put it all together on a page.
(No, that's not a Mark Foley reference)
Only 6 more months, barring some
unfortunate incident, and we can get on
with our lives.
Brian
June 27
- Polls just out show that
Rick Noriega is within 2
points of whipping John Cornyn's rump.
And this little ditty continues the awful national
ribbing that Cornyn's taking over his ego and fringe.
It's a keeper.
The best part is the footage of the
horse and rider is in front of the
Houston Grand Opera venue...
Love,
Darlene
June 27 - Thanks
to all of you who have ordered
teeshirts - I just got back from the post office
putting them in the mail. We still have some left
- and, yes, we do have size XXL but in very limited
quantities.
Get your order in quickly!
Fort Bend Democrats has also opened a Cafe Press store
if you want this tee-shirt in women's sizes.
Take a
look.
June 27 - And
why do we stay on Tom DeLay's rump even after he's left
office?
Because he's still a dangerous outlaw living in our
midst.
Come to find out,
Tom's been doing some illegal lobbying. In a
Port Huron casino bill before Congress, the tables
suddenly turned and a bill sure to win got dumped ---
The post-game
analysis gives a pretty good picture of what
happened and how Washington works. At the beginning
of the day, the expectation was the vote would be
close, but Port Huron's casino bill had enough hard
votes to pass -- and enough soft ones to add a
cushion of 20 to 30 votes.
The tables, however,
were turning. In the past several days, with almost
unlimited money, our opposition brought in a ringer.
Washington sources
believe an old buddy of jailed lobbyist Jack
Abramoff, ex-House Speaker Tom Delay, was dragged
out of Texas to work his magic on the House
Republican members. Delay was able to convince about
30 House members to switch from supporting us to
voting against us -- a 60-vote swing side to
Detroit's side.
As U.S. Rep. John
Dingell, D-Dearborn, said Wednesday, "In a dark
corner of a Maryland prison, Jack Abramoff is
smiling right now."
DeLay never bothered to register as a lobbyist.
The maximum civil penalty for failing to register is
$200,000. Which, admittedly, is probably pocket
change compared to what he got paid to do this.
Good Lord, he's become an old whore with a face lift
and legal problems.
After a long search I finally found the
George W. Bush Presidential Library, but
unfortunetly it was closed because
someone took his coloring book. But not
to be sad because I hear that San
Francisco is naming their sewage plant
after him.
The only thermostats I know of that go that
cold are in freezers. My a/c thermostat
doesn't have a deepfreeze setting.
Mah Fellow
Murkuhn
June 25
- Okay, you've been coming here mooching off me for
free for long enough. Time to pay the piper and be
the coolest damn Democrat in your town.
This original tee-shirt is a limited edition (100 only)
designed by local artist Wanda Harris.
I'll send you one in your
size for a $20 donation to Fort Bend Democrats.
I'll even mail it to you at my expense. You're not gonna
get a deal like this anywhere else. This is one
cool tee-shirt and I'm one cool mailer.
This tee-shirt comes with a written guarantee that
it'll make your butt look smaller and your ta-tas look
bigger.
Get one. Quick!
Kinky Friedman: "I was a
Democrat before you were born."
Uh, Honey, what the hell are you smokin' in that cigar?
Uh, Honey, I'm the one who went up to you at the Art
Car Parade three years ago when you put Rick Perry in
the Gov Shack by running as an Independent and told you
to kiss my big blue butt.
Uh, Honey, I'm the one with the smart-alecky son who
handed you a Democratic button on that day and asked,
"Why the hell isn't the Party of John Kennedy and Harry
Truman good enough for you?"
Uh, Honey, you didn't have an answer.
Uh, Honey, don't come sniffing around here with your
lies because I've got goats who have been Democrats
longer than you have.
The cigar-toting
humorist is convinced his broad-based appeal will
spur those who recently supported presidential
campaigns of Democrats Barack Obama and Hillary
Clinton and Republican Ron Paul to coalesce behind
him in 2010.
“I believe I can not
only appeal to Obama people and Hillary people, but
Ron Paul people and the independents and the people
we used to call rednecks who are now sitting in a
Starbucks some place in the suburbs,” Friedman said.
Talk about delusions of grandeur and pure fiction!
Uh, Honey, you need to keep your day job.
Kinky in all the bad ways.
June 25 - Okay,
I need some help here. Somebody smarter than I am
needs to
go help my friend Wright N. Justice come up with a
solution to his moral dilemma.
You can now post without registering at Fort Bend
Democrats. Go do it.
June 25 - Yes,
yes, I saw it. Jon Stewart has a mess of fun with
"lifelong lawyer, part time crazy person"
John Cornyn's teevee ad.
Hop on over to
The Daily Show and you can watch it, too.
A top U.S.
evangelical leader is accusing Sen. Barack Obama of
deliberately distorting the Bible and taking a
"fruitcake interpretation" of the U.S. Constitution.
In comments
to be aired on his radio show Tuesday, Focus on the
Family founder James Dobson criticizes the
presumptive Democratic presidential nominee for
comments he made in a June 2006 speech to the
liberal Christian group Call to Renewal.
Maybe it's just me, but I find it hard to believe that a
true man of God would would run around calling people
names when they speak of Jesus in a sweet way.
I think it's good that Obama called us to view the
Sermon on the Mount. Maybe we should add a part
that says, "Blessed are the dogmatic hypocrites, for
they shall inherit the Republican Party."
Listen to James Dobson here. Why is it that he
and Pat Robertson sound exactly alike? Ya think
there's some clinical codependency dancing around there?
Susan,
In much
the same way as Rick Santorum has become
known as Rick "man-on-dog" Santorum, I
think Mr. Dobson (sorry, I can't call
him reverend) should henceforth be known
as James "Fruitcake" Dobson.
Betty D
Georgetown, TX
Getting to heaven and finding Dobson in
the complaint line arguing with God will
make the trip worthwhile.
Jimbo
Poor Dr. Dobson – no one listens to
him anymore. He says he has no
intention of voting for McCain, but
apparently can’t remain on the
sidelines, so he comes up with this
nonsense about Obama’s “fruitcake
interpretation of the Constitution”
and about distorting the Bible. But
years ago, Dobson himself declared
he was no theologian and he
certainly isn’t an ordained
minister. But my favorite story
about Dobson is one he himself told
about nearly beating his pet
dachshund to death because the poor
thing chose to lie on a warm rug in
the bathroom rather than go to bed
as ordered. Apparently Dr. Dobson
doesn’t tolerate not immediately
responding to orders, which may
explain why so many right wing
“Christian” nutcases follow his
every word.
Special place in hell reserved just
for Dr. Dobson, I’m sure.
Dennis
League City
I'm disappointed that none of
the major media outlets have
questioned Dobson's claims that
Obama is distorting the Bible.
First, in Dobson's own words, "I
am not a reverend, I'm not a
minister, I'm not a theologian,
I'm not an evangelist. I'm a
psychologist. I have a Ph.D. in
child development from the
University of Southern
California."
Second, regarding Obama's so
called "distortion" of the
bible, most evangelicals believe
that the Bible is inerrant. For
example, this is from the
Statement of Faith from the
Southern Baptist Convention
website, "The Holy Bible was
written by men divinely inspired
and is God's revelation of
Himself to man. It is a perfect
treasure of divine instruction.
It has God for its author,
salvation for its end, and
truth, without any mixture of
error, for its matter.
Therefore, all Scripture is
totally true and trustworthy.
It reveals the principles by
which God judges us, and
therefore is, and will remain to
the end of the world, the true
center of Christian union, and
the supreme standard by which
all human conduct, creeds, and
religious opinions should be
tried. All Scripture is a
testimony to Christ, who is
Himself the focus of divine
revelation." [emphasis added]
I
guess in Dobson's world, God
intended some of his totally
true and trustworthy Bible to be
irrelevant....and for Dobson to
be the judge.
Dobson makes the Pharisees look
like Walmart greeters.
-Jeromy
June 24 - On a
local note, it looks
like Bill Gates exploded over at the Rosenberg /
Richmond daily.
They were half a step below the
Fort Bend
Independent, but zoomed ahead once they figured out
that this internet doohickey wasn't just a passing
fancy.
Susan-
Not to
pick on newpaper names (after all, I still
haven't figured out the "bee" part of the
Sacramento Bee, or why the Cleveland
Plain Dealer is just "plain" and not
"exceptional"), but...which "coaster" does
the Fort Bend Herald and Texas Coaster
reference?
Kellybee
June 23 -
Dude, now
they're just flat creeping me out.
Charlie Black, McCain's chief advisor, has an
interesting campaign strategy - pray for someone to die
and preferably for a whole mess of people to die.
It's called "The Mushroom Cloud Strategy" at political
science schools.
Sure, both McCain and Black apologized. But that's
not good enough for me. Black should be parachuted
buck nakkid into downtown Kabul at midnight with "Creepy
Old Guy" tattooed in his butt. Then I'll accept
his apology.
June 23 - Hats
off to Fenway Fran for sending us more Republican love
from Oregon ---
Oregon City woman
details abortion, relationship with Mike Erickson
Now a "pro-life"
congressional candidate, he gave her $300 and
took her to the clinic in Northeast Portland,
Tawnya says
An Oregon City woman
who dated congressional candidate Mike Erickson
seven years ago said she asked him directly whether
he wanted to have a baby. He shook his head no, she
said, and paid for her abortion.
I am so sick of Republicans.
Read the whole disgusting story right here.
And then read
all about Mike in his own words. (I dunno what
the deal with the gunshot sound on his home page is and
I don't wanna know.)
I knew it wouldn't take Fran long to find the bad
Republicans and weed them out. She did it here
before she went off to Oregon to .... whatever.
June 23 -
Best Birthday Present. Ever.
If you're a recovering hippie, you'll love this.
If you're not, you still might.
I love me some Joe Cocker. And somebody else
hears him the same way I do.
You realize, of course, that I will
never be able to listen to this song
quite like I used to. Back in 1987 All
Things Considered did a segment on
misunderstood lyrics. There were some
good ones. I think my favorite was
CCR's "There's a Bad Moon on The Rise"
translated into "There's a Bathroom on
the Right."
TK
I
understand now. My life is at
peace.
'Scuse
me while I kiss this guy.
Jimi
June 22 - Our
friend USexpat came up with a little fun about Tom
DeLay--
These are for your
collection. They are best viewed in this order -
youngtomclose - This
is the earliest known picture of Tom. This is
the zany Tom that we knew and loved when we were
all still young. You can already see the
intensity in his facial expression.
oldtomclose - This is Tom in his
heyday. Notice the same intense
expression. This is the Tom we all knew as
"Hot-Tub".
tomfriends - This is Tom gathered up
with all of his friends and supporters when
he left Congress with great acclaim.
tomspongbob -
This is the look that Tom took on when he was
exiled from his home in Ol' Virginny to Bikini
Bottom.
tomborg - Tom's final form after
assimilation. Resistance is futile.
USexpat
June 22 - You
know all those emails you get about Barack Obama being
second cousins to the devil himself and founder of
UnAmericans UnLimited?
Well, Slate
has uncovered the dirty truth with an email of their
own.
From:
[Redacted] To:
[Redacted] Subject:
WHO IS BARACK OBAMA?
There are many things
people do not know about BARACK OBAMA. It is every
American's duty to read this message and pass it
along to all of their friends and loved ones.
Barack Obama wears a
FLAG PIN at all times. Even in the shower.
Barack Obama says the
PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE every time he sees an American
flag. He also ends every sentence by saying, "WITH
LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL." Click here for
video of Obama quietly mouthing the PLEDGE OF
ALLEGIANCE in his sleep.
A tape exists of
Michelle Obama saying the PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE at a
conference on PATRIOTISM.
Every weekend, Barack
and Michelle take their daughters HUNTING.
Barack Obama is a
PATRIOTIC AMERICAN. He has one HAND over his HEART
at all times. He occasionally switches when one arm
gets tired, which is almost never because he is
STRONG.
Barack Obama has the
DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach.
It's upside-down, so he can read it while doing
sit-ups.
There's only one
artist on Barack Obama's iPod: FRANCIS SCOTT KEY.
Barack Obama is a
DEVOUT CHRISTIAN. His favorite book is the BIBLE,
which he has memorized. His name means HE WHO LOVES
JESUS in the ancient language of Aramaic. He is
PROUD that Jesus was an American.
Barack Obama goes to
church every morning. He goes to church every
afternoon. He goes to church every evening. He is IN
CHURCH RIGHT NOW.
Barack Obama's new
airplane includes a conference room, a kitchen, and
a MEGACHURCH.
Barack Obama's skin
is the color of AMERICAN SOIL.
Barack Obama buys
AMERICAN STUFF. He owns a FORD, a BASEBALL TEAM, and
a COMPUTER HE BUILT HIMSELF FROM AMERICAN PARTS. He
travels mostly by FORKLIFT.
Barack Obama says
that Americans cling to GUNS and RELIGION because
they are AWESOME.
I have no idea why they forgot these mostly unknown
things about Barack Obama that I have personally
witnessed.
Barack Obama donated his sinuses to a poor little child
who had no sinuses.
Barack Obama personally climbed to the top of the San
Jacinto Monument to place the Texas star on top.
Barack Obama invented Sunday School and apple pie.
The only thing Barack Obama eats is apple pie.
If Barack Obama has another daughter, he will name her
"Apple Pie."
Unlike Jon McCain, Barack Obama has to wear a costume
on Halloween to scare people.
That costume is usually a beret and a French accent,
which Barack Obama promptly burns the following day to
keep it from falling into the wrong hands. Barack
Obama is very concerned about the wrong hands.
After the Presidency, Barack Obama wants to become a
NASCAR driver. And an astronaut.
June 20 - Another day, another Nick Lampson disappointment.
If you think about it, it's kinda sad. We worked
hard for fifteen years to get a Democratic
congressvarmint down here and when we finally got one,
it turns out he opposes clean beaches, veteran
education, and the Constitution of the United States of
America. Daniel broke the news to me this morning:
Susan:
As you can see our US Rep. Mr. Lampson -
continues to vote with the Republican and
the President on the revised FISA bill -
outrageous.
Clearly, Mr. Lampson needs to hear from
those of us that understand that the
Constitution is worth saving. He needs to
understand that we will not tolerate his
capitulation on this most important issue.
Vote his butt out.
You can call his office and express your
displeasure - 281-461-6300.
Daniel
I am promised that
he's going to come explain his voting record to
local Democrats who gave him money and blockwalked
for him in the Texas heat. I'll let you know
when that happens.
Nick Lampson has made me a yellow-dog
democrat. I'll vote for any yellow dog
running against him in the Democratic
primary.
Mah Fellow
Murkuhn
Nicky, you
got a lot splani'n to do
Wanda
June
19 - Oh dear, I see that Pistol Pete Sessions is
trying to take Tom DeLay's place as "the man who
suddenly says the craziest damn things" in the House of
Representatives.
Republican Pete says
we're not kissing big oil enough --- yeah, you read
that right.
What do we
hear back from Washington, DC? … “Let’s stick it to
Big Oil!” Well, in fact, what we ought to be
saying is that energy companies are our friends.
… What are the energy companies saying? They’re
saying please give us the opportunity to go where
there is oil or the perception that there’s oil and
go looking for it and provide it to the American
public.
Yep, big oil - cuddly as a rattlesnake.
Look, I'm for sale. You're for sale.
Everybody has a price. But, Honey, big oil would
have to give me a helluva lot more than $330,000 to make
a total fool of myself in front of the entire country.
I don't mind Pete being for sale. What bothers me
is that he's for sale so damn cheap.
June 19 -
In case you guys ever wondered why our Republican county
commissioner Andy Meyers can
inappropriately reimburse himself $40,000 from his
vendor-funded (read: legal kickbacks) campaign account
and only have to pay a $1,600 fine and not repay the
original $40,000 when caught red-handed, here's why --
The Texas Ethics Commission is about as fierce as a
puppy with colic.
Actually, the
commission that enforces the state's election laws
has settled 43 cases against politicians so far this
year. Unlike the agencies that police lawyers,
doctors and builders, however, the Ethics Commission
does little to bring attention to the politicians it
punishes.
Its deliberations, by
law, are behind closed doors. Its decisions, by its
own choice, are not announced to the media. The
order settling a case becomes public only after the
offender signs it. The commission then notifies the
person who filed the complaint by letter and, as a
result of a change in the law in 2003, posts the
order on its Web site.
Although I filed the complaint against Meyers, I had no
ability to be part of the hearing. Meyers can lie
like a son-uva-goat and those pencil pushers in Austin
wouldn't know the difference.
Meyers passes it off around here as simple accounting
errors because the math involved in it requires
multiplication and that's two grade levels above most
reporters.
Of course, our district attorney John Healey could do
something about it, but he's .... well, don't even get
me started because I'd still be typing at Christmas.
Suffice it to say that Andy Meyers sets Healey's salary
so there's no way on God's green earth that Healey would
mess with him.
For those who contend that my beef with Andy Meyers is
political - you betcha! I promise you that it's
political. I am so danged sick of my taxes going
up every year because Andy Meyers takes political
kickbacks and funds his lifestyle on tax-free money that
comes out of my pocket. That's good-ole-boy
politics and I'm sick of it.
This soapbox was brought to you by Tide - for a fresh
clean wash, use Tide. And stick Andy Meyer's rump
in the washtub.
June 19 - Look,
can't we make the Texas Republicans meet in
Oklahoma from now on?
I hate to be made fun of in the
Washington Post --
Washington is a town
filled with boobs.
They're everywhere,
from the bare-breasted ladies who decorate the
fountain at Dupont Circle to the peekaboo statue
in the Justice Department's Great Hall to the
countless nudes in our museums. But while those
of us who live here hardly blink at the public
nudity, it can shock some of our visitors. Such
was the case for Robert Hurt, who last
week tried to add the issue of artistic
indecency in the nation's capital to the
platform of the Texas GOP.
And then ---
Hurt said
he'll pursue the issue, possibly with another trip
here to videotape the evidence. "I'm not going to
stop until I succeed. I'm prepared for a long
fight."
Good Lord, somebody get this man a subscription to
Playboy so he doesn't have to travel all the way to
DeeCee to see some ta-tas.
Maybe a new slogan for Texas? Texas: Not
Enough Boobs To Keep A Man at Home.
Thanks to Deb - who doesn't live in Texas - for the
heads-up on this one.
June 19 - Holy
Genome Project - it's genetic.
Tom DeLay's brother, Randy, made headlines today for
his lobbying with the scandal drenched Don Young.
Rep. Don Young (R-AK)
has had his share of federal investigations, scandal
and legal bills, but he may now have a new problem:
"The A Team."
In a document
obtained today by TPMmuckraker.com, entitled 'An
Intern's Survival Guide,' new interns in Young's
office are given various instructions on how to
thrive and excel working in Young's office. The
document was distributed to new interns by a paid
member of Young's staff.
The advice and rules
range from the jocular to the mundane. But the most
striking is the section on phone duty. The 'Guide'
refers to an "A-Team" of nine lobbyists who should
immediately be connected to any member of the staff
they ask to speak with.
The A Team: Rick
Alcade, Colin Chapman, Randy DeLay, Billy
Lee Evans, Jack Ferguson, Mike Henry, Ducan
Smith, CJ Zane or Jay Dickey. These people can
talk to whomever they want, normally Mike or
Sara. Tell them who it is and transfer over
unless they say otherwise. I recommend looking
up who they are.
I know Randy DeLay. His main qualification as a
lobbyist is that he doesn't drool too much. Hey,
but what he lacks in intelligence, he more than makes up
for in obnoxious social skills.
Did somebody say cronyism? I could've sworn
somewhere that somebody said cronyism real loudly.
June 18
- Oh dear, talk about bad timing.
FEC reports, out today show that Texas Senator John
Cornyn just loves
Countrywide Financial Services.
It appears that
Cornyn got $3,000 from Countrywide on April 16th.
Cornyn is slicker than greased ice. I'm telling
you that he'd take the keys to Granny's house and try to
convince you that he's just mowing her yard for her.
Do not let that man near your wallet.
June 18 -
Heads up - Tom DeLay's favorite canary, John Sweeney,
may get a chance to sing soon -
a federal
grand
jury is meeting in Washington, D.C. to hear
testimony from witnesses on June 27th. We saw this coming and it's got
Tom DeLay's name all over it.
I'd be willing to bet my best pair of pink boots that
Tom DeLay will be holding himself a six buggy prayer
meeting on the 27th. Me? Well, I'll spend
the day giggling.
June 18 - A
little local humor.
Somebody with a lot more nerd skills than I have has
pulled a slow one on the Fort Bend Independent
newspaper. Yeah, the boys over there are so dumb
that you don't have to bother with pulling a fast one on
them.
As I've explained before,
The Fort Bend Independent
is a mess of far rightwing no-talent newspaper
writers being financed by far rightwing money.
They got fbindependent-dot-com as their web address,
but apparently neglected to register other website names
that might be confused with them.
So, click on
www.fortbendindependent.com Go ahead.
I'll wait here.
Hi, I see you're back.
Go ahead, type it in your address bar.
From this day forward, if someone searches for Fort
Bend Independent, they get me.
Nitwits.
You gotta admit, it's fun to watch the Perry family
pour money into losers.
June 18 - If
you haven't downloaded Firefox3,
do it. It's the coolest browser ever.
My posting may be light today while I play with this
sucker.
June 17 - Okay,
so everybody on God's green earth is all athither about
the button seen at the Texas GOP State Convention.
As well they should be.
Rita asked for a link to the Chronicle column about it
and I fess-up that I remiss in
posting it in my previous mention.
Take a little mouse click right here and drop by the
Chronicle to comment.
The GOP is trying to pretend that they would not have
stood for such horrible things had they known about it,
but gosh darn they went blind two days before the
convention started and totally missed these buttons that
were selling like hotcakes and noticed by sighted people
and several reporters.
I love Republicans - "I'm not responsible" is their
middle name.
June 17 -
Okay, I'd heard about it, but now we get to see it.
John Cornyn, who has accomplished nothing for Texas
except make us all look like enormous jerks, continues
his journey into the Land Of Felony Egos.
Take a peek at his commercial. Please remove all
sharp objects from your immediate work area so you don't
accidentally stab yourself seventeen times just to make
the music stop.
MAKE IT STOP! Oh Dear Lord, Make It Stop.
It's as slow as Cornyn's brain synapses.
It even embarrassed Cornyn, which is a heavy totin'
task ---
“My staff
convinced me it was a good idea,” Cornyn said.
“Maybe I need a new staff. But it’s actually an
attempt to bring a little humor to a subject I take
very seriously. We’re going to have to think
differently this year, work smarter and harder, and
bury the ‘same-ole, same-ole’ politics of the past.”
Y'all. I'm serious, I cannot listen to this until
November. It makes my ears ache.
Little Bad John.
Dear Susan,
You couldn't make a parody of him that
would have been any worse. How do you
suppose he managed to get the Mormon
Tabernacle Choir to sing in the background
using an arrangement by Mitch Miller?
Don
Don, it
couldn't have been Mitch Miller; he
earned himself a spot on Nixon's
enemies list, and recorded a cover of
"Give Peace A Chance." Way cool, but
unrepublican.
-Charly Hoarse
Susan,
After
seeing the Cornyn video,
I immediately donated to Noriega.
Hope the video has that effect on
everybody. By the way, does everyone
remember this gem from Corny in 2005:
SENATOR JOHN CORNYN: "I don't know
if there is a cause-and-effect
connection but we have seen some
recent episodes of courthouse
violence in this country. Certainly
nothing new, but we seem to have run
through a spate of courthouse
violence recently that's been on the
news and I wonder whether there may
be some connection between the
perception in some quarters on some
occasions where judges are making
political decisions yet are
unaccountable to the public, that it
builds up and builds up and builds
up to the point where some people
engage in - engage in violence."
[Senate Floor, 4/4/05]
I kept
expecting some criminal to invoke the
"Cornyn defense," saying "Unaccountable
judges made me do it!"
Please,
Texans, help get rid of this empty suit.
Betty
Actually, I kinda liked it until
they dropped the line about "six moe"
into the punchbowl. After that I
got caught up in musing about
whether Big John favors Larry,
Curly, or Shep.
As
fairy tales go, I give it 3 stars.
Well, not stars, but those fake
twinkly star looking things that you
can buy at any drugstore that look
like what you might think
stars could look like if you've
never actually seen a star, only
they're not really stars or anything
that even resembles a star, but they
kinda sorta look like a Hollywood
made up version of stars if you
don't know what stars are IRL.
USexpat
“He fought heathens,
hellions and all kinds of
crime... “
Oh my. There’s some much going
on with this song. “Heathen” is
an offensive term that
deliberately insults someone for
their non-belief in religion or
their lifestyle, so there is a
moral superiority that is set up
early in this little ditty.
Also, it appears that the author
didn’t know that though John
Cornyn was District Judge for
the 37th District (in
San Antonio), a Justice on the
Supreme Court of Texas, and
later the Attorney General of
Texas, all of those offices
handle civil matters. John
Cornyn was not exactly a
crime-fighting superhero. So
what kind of legal work did he
do before going on the bench?
He defended doctors and lawyers
in malpractice suits.
“You’re doin’ the Lord’s
work for Texas and we got
your back. . .”
Nice appeal to the religious
right, although not very
subtle.
“We’ll tell souls in Texas
you must get 6 more (years)”
Use
of the "souls" is a slightly more
restrained shout-out to the religious
right.
“Well, that place out yonder
needs more men like you Who shoot straight, and
talk straight and enjoy a
good brew . . . “
Oops, there goes the
evangelical segment of the
religious right.
By the way, could someone please
explain to me why the party that
is so strongly associated with
evangelicals selected a
presidential candidate whose
wife is a beer distributor
heiress?
Thanks for the entertainment,
Wright N. Justice
Susan-
Ain't it amazing how, when all
else fails, you can always go to
the "BUT I'M A TEXAN!" card to
prop up your sorry butt? Is
Cornyn running for re-election
to the U.S. Senate, or King of
the Fatstock Show? I haven't
seen that much fringe on a
couple since Roy and Dale
performed at the Sam Houston
Coliseum 40 years ago.
Hey, these guys are "Native
Texans" too, but I don't want
them representing me in
Congress, either:
(OK, my granddaughter likes the purple
guy, so maybe I'd vote for him...at
least he's likeable, and he can sing...)
Kellybee(a
Native Texan, but doesn't have to wear a
silly cowboy suit to know it)
While a
number of speakers -- such as Railroad Commission
chairman Michael Williams and Mike Huckabee -- have
praised the advance of Barack Obama and what it
means towards a colorblind society, at least one
vendor hasn't gotten the message.
At the
Republican state convention, a booth hosted by
Republicanmarket was selling a pin Saturday that
says: If Obama is President will we still call it
the White House.
And they're taking comments over at the Chronicle, too.
It's fun to watch the Republicans try to deny it ever
happened.
Hey Scoop,
I see the
Obama button from the TX Repug
convention is all the talk in the
blogosphere. Over at TPM they are
running a story with a denial from the
convention honchos. They claim they knew
nothing about the button and would have
banned the sale if they'd known. Sure,
and I've got such a bridge for sale.
Thanks
for all you do,
CS.
June 16 - Whoa,
wait. Hold up.
Let me ponder on this.
You mean I cold have killed five of them before I
finally got caught?
CHARLOTTE,
North Carolina (AP) -- Police may have ignored a
warning years ago that a woman with five dead
spouses was trying to hire a hit man to kill one of
the men, investigators in North Carolina said
Monday.
Neumar has
been married five times since the 1950s, but each
union ended with the death of her husband.
Investigators want authorities elsewhere to look
into the deaths.
You know, I've been married to Bubba since dirt was
invented, but just to keep him in line I refer to him as
"my first husband." Hell, this will work even
better. Can't you just hear me hollering at Bubba,
"Don't cross me, Darlin', I could kill you and four
others before the even arrest me!"
June 16 -
Okay, so those of you who hang around here know that
Bubba and I play a little golf. But even we
thought this was just a joke.
A friend told me that John McCain's website used to
have little tab things at the top that listed the
important things in his campaign, like, "creating jobs,
national strategy, ...." and so on.
Okay, so that's funny but it couldn't possibly be true.
No campaign would that stoopid after all the golf trips
arranged by Jack Abramoff and Bush's famous, "Now watch
this drive!"
But,
it is true. And Talking Points Memo even got a
screen shot of it.
Oh, this is going to be a fun election season.
Yo Susan,
Did you
know people were providing feedback on
their McCain golf gear purchases on his
website? I believe most of them have
been removed,
but the screen captures are here.
Here's
one of my favorites:
The Golf Pack
is Great, but June 10, 2008
Reviewer: Lobbyist Buddy from Washington
DC
When are you going to offer a Joe
Lieberman Certified McCain Ballwasher?
Was this review
helpful to you?
3 of 3 people
found the following review helpful.
Enjoy!
Lorraine
"I
don't want some mom whose son
may have recently died to see
the Commander-in-Chief playing
golf, I feel I owe it to the
families to be as -- to be in
solidarity as best as I can with
them. And I think playing golf
during a war just sends the
wrong signal,"
W, May, 2008
Golf?
So you and Bubba want al Qaeda to
win? You won't show solidarity with
the troops by laying off the 6
irons? For shame.
But
wait! Mrs. USexpat and I have been
out shopping the wonky wheels off
our WalMart carts since Commander
Guy rallied all right thinking
Americans with a call for consumer
sacrifice.
"As we work with
Congress in the coming year to
chart a new course in Iraq and
strengthen our military to meet
the challenges of the 21st
century, we must also work
together to achieve important
goals for the American people
here at home. This work begins
with keeping our economy
growing. … And I encourage you
all to go shopping more."
W. January, 2003.
Ah!
Therein lies the paradox. Pour
faire des emplettes pour la merde de
golf ou pas. C'est la question.
USexpat
Attached
is a pic of the new line of McCain
Golfware, complete with his new
campaign slogan. It took me more
than 9000 hours with Microsoft
Paint. Whadaya think?
USexpat
June 15
- You folks from foreign states have probably heard
about Clayton Williams being a major fundraiser for
McCain -- at least until word got out that he was doing
it.
Clayton Williams is so crazy that he makes Ross Perot
look sane. I mean, he's beyond colorful.
He's locked-up-in-the-attic crazzzy.
He ran for Governor against Ann Richards and refused to
shake her hand, then he opened his mouth to warn us of
what was to come from electing Republicans.
Clayton Williams - he'll come to the White House with
John McCain, and won't that make America better?
McCain may have cancelled attending a fundraiser at
Clayton William's ranch, but
McCain is keeping the money Clayton raised for him.
The campaign said it
would not return money Williams had raised for
McCain because the contributions came from other
individuals supporting McCain and not from Williams.
Williams told his hometown newspaper, the Midland
Reporter-Telegram, that he had raised more than
$300,000 for McCain.
That's cute. That's the Straight Talk Express not
clearing the underpass.
Late
Saturday afternoon, a McCain aide
confirmed to the Chronicle that the
Midland event had been postponed but
had not been taken off the calendar.
The compromise allowed McCain to say
he had not held a fundraiser at
Williams' house; it gave Williams an
opportunity to say that the event he
organized had not been canceled.
Deb
June 15 - You
know, the fun just never ends around here.
Shelley Sekula Gibbs drown in a sea of silly, but
District Court
Judge Joan Huffman is saying she's going to run for
the GOP nomination for Texas Senate in the seat Kyle
Janek tossed aside when it became cumbersome for him.
I have a story to tell about Joan Huffman that will
curl your hair. She's the meanest woman on the
planet and I have proof.
Come on, Joan, run. Run so I can tell my
story. Please, Girl, let me tell people what you
did.
June 13
- Nakkid people! Look everybody, over here,
nakkid people!
The Texas GOP started meeting today and, by gawd, they
are going to do something about nakkid people!
HOUSTON – Robert Hurt
went to Washington and didn't like what he saw –
nudity in the nation's capital.
"Nude women, sculptured
women," he told the state Republican platform
committee, which sat in rapt attention.
Of all the evils in
Washington that the Texas GOP took aim at this week,
removing art with naked people from public view was
high on the list for Mr. Hurt, a delegate from
Kerrville.
"You don't have nude
art on your front porch," he explained. "You
possibly don't have nude art in your living rooms.
So why is it important to have that in the common
places of Washington, D.C.?"
Mr. Hurt offered
statistics: He'd heard that 20 percent of the art in
the National Gallery of Art is of nudes.
He offered detail: On
Arlington Memorial Bridge overlooking the famed
national cemetery, "there are two Lady Godivas, two
women on horses with no shirt on and long hair."
Actually, they are
classical sculptures about war – one called Valor,
depicting a male equestrian and a female with a
shield, and Sacrifice, a female accompanying
the rider Mars.
Poor Mr. Hurt doesn't know the difference between men
and women which leads me to believe that, by gawd, what
this country needs is MORE nakkid people.
Ya know, I'm glad somebody is counting the nakkid
people in the National Gallery - keeps them busy so they
don't have time to hang out in Minneapolis airport male
bathroom stalls.
You just gotta love the Texas GOP. They are more
fun than recess in heaven.
Having been to (or rather,
been through) Kerrville
more than a few times, I'd
say it could use all the "nude
art" it can get...
Should I ever find myself
moving there, my wife's mermaid
water fountain is definitely
going on the front porch...Mr.
Hurt be proud.
Kellybee
Statutory drape? There
hasn't been this much furor over
covering boobs since someone
threw a curtain over Ashcroft.
EClair
Susan -
Men
who get excited over art should
do so in an acceptable way.
Republicans have no idea how to
behave in an acceptable manner.
They should be kept away from
art and other sharp things that
they might hurt themselves on.
Carey
Susan,
Once upon a time I worked as a gallery guard at the Kimbell Art Museum in
Fort Worth, TX. My day on
the job always started with
a walk through of the
gallery to take a count of
the number and condition of
paintings on display in my
assigned area. The KAM had
an exhibition of French
paintings from the Classical
period. Lots of pinks and
blue and boobs all over the
place. One morning as I was
finishing my morning count,
a docent who would be
handing out literature and
answering questions at the
entrance had come in early
and she asked me what I was
doing and I told her, with a
straight face, that I was
counting the boobs and after
having done that I'd divide
the total by two and that
would give me the count of
the number of paintings.
She must have been a
Republican, as she failed to
see the humor in my response
to her question. Later in
the day I tried out my new
formula and found that it
was off (+1) of being
accurate. Bet that the
guards in the Louvre would
go nuts trying my formula
there.
There is
only one explanation for this dark cloud that
suddenly appeared over me and the greater Houston
area in general: The Republican Party of Texas, aka
the party of The Dark Side, is meeting through this
weekend in the George R. Brown Convention Center in
downtown Houston.
10,000 mean-spirited, women-and –immigrant-hating,
bible-thumping, self-righteous, children-eating . .
. people, will meet from today onward to discuss how
they can get more for themselves and leave the poor,
sick and hungry to fend for
themselves.
Well, that and the worst danged smog in the country.
June 13 - We
got email about Tom DeLay this morning. Apparently
Tom's grown a hole in his marble bag, plus he's really,
really hung-up on this Russian thing.
He's now claiming that Obama is a "dictatorial
proletariat" (woooo - two big words in a row that mean
nothing when connected) and poor Sean Hannity has not a
clue what Tom's babbling about. Okay, okay,
admittedly, Hannity doesn't have a clue about much of
anything.
Susan,
Tom Delay's
newest rant has
Obama using his dictatorial powers to
have everyone in the U.S fingerprinted
and Colorado mandating bisexual
bathrooms. And the good people of our
country better realize it.
I'm
really jealous of all the fun folks
living around you. It must be like your
own private South Park.
Brian
Yo Susan,
After
checking my handy dandy desktop
dictionary, Hot Tub Tom may be on to
something after all. Dictatorial
means ruler with absolute power.
Proletariat means working class. So
he thinks President (to be) Obama
wants to give working people the
power to make decisons in this
country. Gee, what a concept... we
the people making our great nation's
decisions... hmmmm, seems I heard
about something like that
before..... but where?
Oh
yea. I remember now....
That
Tom, always a day late and a dollar
short.
Your
Dam Yankee Friend in Spring,
Lorraine
How does
finger printing everyone lead to
Communism? It would be Fascist maybe,
but we are already thumb printed on
Drivers Licenses. I think ol' Tom fell
asleep in Poly Sci during a lecture on
Marxism and just woke up. As usual he
still doesn't get it.
Cheers,
Robin
Susan, Babe,
y'all need to tax ignorance down there.
Beginning
possibly as soon as next week, detectives in the
Fort Bend County Sheriff's Office Criminal
Investigation Division will start working four-day
work weeks.
Sheriff Milton Wright said the change is being made
in an effort to reduce driving of county cars and
thus save on high-priced gasoline.
The 50 or so detectives will work 10 hours per day,
in shifts scheduled so that the Sheriff's Office
always is adequately staffed throughout the day.
Okay, so I ain't real bright, but Sheriff Wright is
dumber than dog dump so I suspect this is just another
of his taxpayer scams and low morale inducing schemes.
How does not coming to work save on gasoline for
the county? Does he think that there will be fewer
crime scenes if the detectives just come to work four
days a week? I mean, don't detectives still have
to go to crime scenes and investigate things?
Heck, the high cost of gas is liable to cause more
crime.
Somebody please explain to me how not coming to work
saves gasoline for the taxpayers. If that's the
deal, can we get the county commissioners not to come to
work? How 'bout the District Attorneys? Can
they not come to work, too? I would say the
judges, but heck, they don't come to work anyway so
they're probably saving us a fortune.
I mean, if the detectives only want to work four days a
week and ten hours a day, that's fine I guess, but I
think they should be honest about it.
Look, if I get robbed on Thursday afternoon and my
detective takes off at 8:00 that night not to return for
three days, I'm gonna be hacked-off. I just think
the sheriff should know that, because he's had some
head-butting contests with me in the past and I enjoyed
them a whole lot more than he did.
A 'splainment of the Fort Bend County
Sheriff's Office Criminal Investigation
Division fuel savings program.
This
is really quite simple. Just follow the
logic and see.
Remember
that there are 40 hours in a standard
workweek.
Most
criminals don’t even work much, around
5.2 hrs. total,
Plus
the fact that crooks mostly drive
fuel-efficient vehicles.
Average
the total gas consumption and divide by
Wright’s IQ.
Carry
over any decimal that remains and forget
your hat size.
Sum
up the subtotal with your pet Airedale,
Trixie.
Unless
you’ve gone wrong, you divided by zero in
the
Calculation
four lines prior to this one (Wright’s
IQ).
Keep
the final total to yourself, and sell
your Hummer.
See!
It told you it was simple. Let’s not
delay any further!
USexpat
While
there are, I am sure, swimming pools
aplenty in suburban Ft. Bend County,
one might suspect that some of your
local elected officials came from
the shallow end of the gene pool. I
would prefer to think they were
trying to scam the voters than to
think that they really believed such
nonsense.
TK
June 12 - There are people in this world who
would dare argue with me that I don't live in the
craziest danged county in Texas. Shame on 'em.
I offer new proof that I, in fact, do live in Nutsville.
We have a new "newspaper" in town financed by Swift
Boater Bob Perry. The editor of this new newspaper
was fired from his last newspaper job in the county
because he got caught trying to "set-up" a local
moderate politician while playing footsie with the far
rightwing. He's a puppy dog to the ultra right.
So, they steal a Fox News idea and call their newspaper
"The Independent."
They are about as "fair, balanced, and informative" as
Al Jazeera.
Let me tell you how blinded by the right the editor is.
In his story about the Andy Meyers stiff reprimand by
the Texas Ethics Commission, the editor never called me
and printed full-out lies from Andy Meyer's mouth.
The Ethics Commission found that Meyers improperly
reimbursed himself about $40,000, but The Independent
declares that it was no big deal because Andy says it
was no big deal. Yeah, that's real fair.
Up until now I have ignored them, but now I'm edging-up
on being really hacked-off. Allow me to introduce
editorialist Linda Hancock. If
self-righteousness was as painful as the Good Lord meant
it to be, this woman would be writhing on the floor .
If you
can’t imagine waking up on Wednesday, Nov. 5 and
seeing the headlines, Barack Obama elected first
African American President in U.S. History, if the
Republican Party can’t imagine that, then let’s just
keep on fretting and complaining, and staying away
from the polls and the rude awakening will put us
all into shock.
And then the woman has the gall to quote John Kennedy.
I don't know why she felt the need to put "African
American" in that sentence, other than the fact that
she's so white she glows in the dark.
We must
protect the God given rights set forth in the
Constitution.
We must be willing to get up off our behinds and get
out there and defend freedom, which yes has a cost.
This from a woman who went to the Sugar Land Town Center
to "wreck" a fully legal press conference, blow air
horns into children's ears and then stand silently while
an old woman was punched.
Look, you guys go kiss Tom DeLay's behind, step away
from the keyboard, and nobody gets hurt.
Hancock need to get a dipstick and check her estrogen
level - she's about a quart low.
Susan,
I
noticed Linda Hancock's quote:
In a pamphlet I picked up from The
Woodmen Of The World, there is a
poem entitled Freedom’s Cost. I
quote “When soldiers proud donned
uniforms for battles far and near,
Was known that all would not return
for Freedom’s dues are dear.
I have a question – are you and I
going to let them be the only ones
to pay the dues? Or will you join me
in getting Republicans to the polls
to say “thank you for what you have
done. You have made the ultimate
sacrifice?”
and wonder if all she has to offer
our vets is to say "Thanks."
Susan, today's award goes to Republican Senator Larry
"Bathroom Stall" Craig and Republican Senator David
"Pavement Princess" Vitter for
Uh, Honey, what the hell are you smokin' in that cigar?
Sure, both McCain and Black apologized. But that's
not good enough for me. Black should be parachuted
buck nakkid into downtown Kabul at midnight with "Creepy
Old Guy" tattooed in his butt. Then I'll accept
his apology. 
FEC reports, out today show that Texas Senator John
Cornyn just loves
grand
jury
Rita asked for a link to the Chronicle column about it
and I fess-up that 
Okay, so I ain't real bright, but Sheriff Wright is
dumber than dog dump so I suspect this is just another
of his taxpayer scams and low morale inducing schemes.