Kiss My Big Blue Butt

Okay, I've been trying not to say this for many weeks now. And I'm probably not the only one. So maybe if I actually say it, it will start to fade from my mind.

If Mayor White continues as Houston Mayor and Daniel Wong is elected Mayor of Sugar Land, will that help us all better distinguish White from Wong?

Mr. B

May 30 - Another Republican male in need of Republican Party organ help.

Gov. Jim Gibbons’ political future turned bleak Wednesday as prominent Republicans said his support in the party is quickly disintegrating in the wake of the latest court filing in his divorce.

Thanks to Deb for the heads-up! It's a full-time job just keeping up with Republican family values.

That's it for me. The Gibbons piece has convinced me that the "Party of Family Values" has become the "Family of Party Values". The Dems are just too square to hang with anymore.

Me, Hot-Tub-Tom, and Up-Chuck Rosenthal are meeting up with the Vitter-man tonight, and we're all jetting off to Vegas to get down and party hard with Randy Jim. I've called ahead to have some Geritol and Red Bull cocktails already iced down at the airport. I know for a fact that ALL Vegas strippers are already tingling at the prospect of having some geriatric Neo-Con love machines breeze into town and put some Pub style moves on them.

PARTY ON, PUBS!!!
USexpat

May 30 - Friday toon from Steve Sack -

May 30 - Hal knows I hate it when women act stoopid. It is my scientific belief that men have cornered the market on stoopid and we hooter-toters just need to step aside and let them have it.
     Hal's my friend and he'd mostly agree with me about that, except when girls like Linda Starr make me cringe. Hal makes a good point that as long as Ms. Starr keeps acting like a Republican, she's gonna continue to look incredibly goofy. Hal's got the numbers; Ms. Star has the gall.
     She's threatening two Texas Congressmen to support Hillary Clinton or else dammit, even though those one of those Congressmen's districts - Nick Lampson - went for Obama. She's threatening that she and her volunteers (who remain unnamed at this point) won't help the Congressmen and might even vote Republican.
     Well, la te da. Never heard of that spite and nose thing, huh?
    Me? I go along with Charly Hoarse, who has a dandy idea for getting rid of Lampson - run a REAL Democrat against him in the primary two years from now.

May 30 - Texas Democratic Party Chairman Boyd Richie and Betty Richie both endorsed Barack Obama. That's two more delegates for Obama.
     His statement, in part --

“I am also grateful for Senator Obama’s commitment to help build the Texas Democratic Party. Senator Obama and his campaign understand something that Texans have known for at least a couple of years – that when Democratic candidates invest the time and resources necessary, Texas Democrats have the numbers to compete and win across every region of our great state. We made progress in 2006, and in 2008, the Texas Democratic Party is more energized, better organized, and we are poised to make significant gains this fall.”

     You betcha!

May 29 - If it's Earl, it's funny ---

Susan,

Here's an animated cartoon from when Scott McClellan was holding press briefings in the White House. Things didn't always go according to plan.

Earl

May 29 - Oh Good Lord, the man is coming apart at the seams. He's going to challenge Castro to a monster truck pull next week. I just know it's coming.
   This is the leader of the free world, people. Do something, for God's sake. He's regressed back to frat boy. This isn't safe.
     Look, I'm perfectly serious about this -- anyone who voted for him the second time should never be allowed to vote again. Ever. They are nuts and we cannot trust their judgment.
     In fact, if they've ever had a Bush bumper sticker on their car, we should get to take away their driver's license. You want people who voted for Bush to make merging into traffic lanes decisions? See, I didn't think so.

This ranks up there with the Angela Merkel business. You can almost feel sorry for Papa Bush. What an embarrassment. No wonder he broke down in tears when Jeb was leaving the governors office in Florida. The plan had gone so terribly wrong.

May I have a Canadian passport, please?

TK

May 29 - Democracy, I love yew.
     Bubba and I went to Bastrop, Texas, last night to meet and greet with some delegates to Texas State Democratic Convention and Barbeque Festival that is happening next week in Austin. Bastrop is a stone's throw from Austin.
     Both the Clinton and the Obama delegates met for delegate training in Bastrop. Different locations, but same smart, great, and fun kind of people.
     The Hillary delegates met at Clara's house. Clara, who is 76 years old and rightly proud of it, has been a lifelong Democrat and knows how to set a table and welcome people to her home.
     That's Clara in the white pants suit and her friend Anne sitting right next to her. These two women know how to commit democracy in full open view of the public and the constable.
     They packed Clara's living room and laid down plans for the convention. Vickie Vogel and Bubba were there to answer questions for first-time convention goers.   That's Vickie over there in the white shirt. I tell everybody that she's my favorite SDEC member, much to Bubba's consternation. Texas has two SDEC members for each senate district - a man and a woman. In our district, the woman is the smartest, of course.
     After some great fellowship, we headed across town to the Obama meeting. Nat Troy, the Obama coordinator for our Senate District, was there explaining the rules and trying to herd cats. I can say that because I'm one of the cats that Nat has to herd.
     As you can guess, I do not respond well to falling in line and somebody should have warned Nat about that. I'm not saying who that somebody should have been, but the initials Glen Maxey come to mind.
     The tables were filled, and people were grabbing seats in the back. There was enough excitement in that room to stuff an amusement park. Most folks there were old-timers who had been to many a convention, but it was great fun to welcome some young folks campaigning for a seat on the national delegation.
     I love the caucus process. It's more fun than recess in heaven. I believe in government. I know government can do great harm under Republicans but can save the Constitution, grow the economy, and become people-powered under Democrats.
     I'm sorry to get all sweet and nice on you this morning, but dammit, these folks reminded me why I love being a Democrat!

May 28 - Great find from Jerome --
     In an article concerning the oh-so-private McCain / Bush fundraiser in Phoenix, we find out why it was so darned private ---

"Tickets to the event were to range from $1,000 to $25,000 for VIP treatment. Money was to go toward McCain's presidential bid and a number of Republican Party organs."

     Oh yes, here it is. Click the little one to get the big one.

    Can't you just see those Republican men arguing over who's organ needs the most help? Larry Craig and Vito Fossella are probably two of the finalists.

Why reach out to far flung I-da-ho or distant New York when soliciting wayward Republican organs in need of fun-ding? There are Pub organs in desperate need of tuning right here in Texas.

Think Globally. Grind Locally.

USexpat

May 28 - Thank you, Steve Benson ---

May 28 - I've kinda become unnaturally fascinated by John Hagee, the ugly old man who hates women.
     Over at Open Left, a very smart woman has found the Top Ten Crazzzy Things John Hagee has said.
     This is one of my personal favorites --

"Only a Spirit-filled woman can submit to her husband's lead. It is the natural desire of a woman to lead through feminine manipulation of the man...Fallen women will try to dominate the marriage. The man has the God-given role to be the loving leader of the home."
- Pastor John Hagee in his book What Every Man Wants in a Woman (Charisma House, 2005)

     Oh goodness, our Republican State Representative Charlie Howard, who is also not... like .... okay, I'll say it, real handsome ..... appears to have founded a cult. Charlie told me in 1998 that it was God's will for women not to be leaders. At the time, I was kinda hoping that wouldn't catch-on.
     Answer me this - how come real ugly men are the loudest when it come to women submitting to men? Oh wait, I get it now. Took me a minute there, but I think I understand now.
     Y'all, I hate to say this, but I have a real hard time taking orders from a short chubby old guy in a shirt that looks like he needs to be run up a flagpole.

     And speaking of short ugly men, you know that Tom DeLay has connected himself to Hagee like skin on a sausage. Click that link and scare yourself to death. (Thanks to David for the heads-up.)

End times alert - Jews on first. I don't know's on second. What a cast. Thanks for the Blumenthal video.

TS

Keep up the good work the more people know about this screwball the better. I read Matt Taibbi's article. It describes classic brainwashing like most any cult will use. In fact I find a big similarity with Scientology. They get you to confess your deepest fears and failings. Looks like Hagee's group stole a page. I am sure this is just the tip of the Iceberg. There are probably more extreme retreats as you move up the hierarchy. I wonder if Fortenberry teaches a class on assault techniques against Gay bars?

I found this on Huffpost. It is achingly familiar. Barry Nolan is right about free speech.
http://thinkprogress.org/2008/05/27/barry-nolan/

Cheers,
Robin

It's official. Bush is WORSE THAN NIXON. Next up: "How The Elections Were Stolen" by John Bolton. Forward by G. Gordon Liddy.

Hundreds of thousands of family members will for the rest of their days on Earth look to this administration with justifiable hatred for maiming or killing their friends, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, nephews, nieces, grandsons, and granddaughters.

My prediction for future text books: Bush's entry will always get an asterisk and will often be accompanied by a photo of Al Gore as the rightful president.

John

May 27 - Most of you guys out there know that John McCain's slooooow thought processes finally got around to recognizing that John Hagee is a very hateful and frightening man.

WASHINGTON - After winning the backing of an influential Texas televangelist, presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain yesterday abruptly rejected the pastor's endorsement after more of his controversial remarks became public - including a sermon in which he says the Nazis "operated on God's behalf" to drive Jews from Europe to Israel.

But who didn't reject Hagee? Who's still lovin' up all over Hagee?

That's ole Slick John standing there to the right, applauding McCain for being a total jerk and Hagee for being ..... well, I'm not saying that Hagee is the Anti-Christ, but he lives in the same zip code as the Anti-Christ.

Susan,

Tell your readers to go to www.alternet.org/story/84043/

It is a report by Rolling Stone reporter Matt Taibbi who went undercover to Hagee's church. This report is an excerpt from his book " The Great Derangement" He was on C-span this weekend and the things he witnessed and reported on at a required retreat with the church will explode a sane person's mind.
Hagee and his flock are really deranged!! They were given barf bags to vomit in when the demons were prayed out of them--and they were instructed not to say the name "God" when the devil was coming out as just saying the name would block him from coming out of their bodies, and get this- they were even told not to utter or think the name of a friend or loved one because it would give the Devil/Demon a new soul to torment. I wonder if McCain or Cornyn have attended any of Pastor? Hagee' exorcisms?

Wanda

May 27 - Al is cranky this morning, and he's got good reason to be ---

Susan

Anyone would think that I start my day by saying my daily prayer, Dear Lord, give me this day my daily annoyances.... I seem never to lack for any.   Todays is the headline on CNN about John McCain's position regarding the proposed GI Bill. His own education was one of the very best available to anyone and it was paid for in full by the US tax payers.   As the son and grandson of Admirals, his admission to the United States Naval Academy was assured from the moment he emerged from his mothers birth canal with the requisite number of arms and legs, eyes, ears, testicles (no females at the USNA in those days).

In addition to a formal education he had a job upon graduation...not every college graduate does, you know.   Now when he had to help others like himself who had served their country, he's become parsimonious.    John should be ashamed of himself, if he's not, I certainly am.    I don't know how many stars he had when he retired, but I'd bet that his military retired pay, plus any VA Disability pay he may have, plus his future Senate retirement, not to mention is rich wife, he's particularly well off.

Al

May 27 - Folks who have been around here for a while know that I love numbers. Numbers are cool. They stay put and don't change meanings on ya just because some fad comes along.
     I am not a mathematician, but I have a solar powered jeweled pocket calculator and vague memories of college algebra, which obviously gives me a leg-up on a certified CPA and a lawyer specializing in finance.
     So, last night I got into a small disagreement with another person who loves numbers. We were disagreeing about the number and political persuasion of young voters in Fort Bend County, Tom DeLay's motherland.
     Come to find out, there are 56,000 registered voters aged 30 or under in Fort Bend. Of that number, 26,000 have voted in an election since 2000.
     Now here's where it gets interesting. Of those 26,000 under age 30 voters, less than 3,000 of them voted in the Republican primary in '06 and '08.
     Holy Hormone Holders! We're raising ourselves some Democrats!
     So, as of today, I'm gonna quit throwing rocks at young people.

May 25 - You know that batspit crazy newspaper that the Moonies own, The Washington Times?
     You know that batspit crazy teevee station, Fox News?
     Here's what happens when you mix them.
     Warning: It's a lethal chemical reaction that causes your brain to explode.
     With that warning, here goes - Liz Trotta is the Washington Bureau Chief for the Washington Times. She appeared on Fox News.
     She said this ---

     First she called Obama "Osama," then said she wanted them both "knocked off," and then laughed like Medusa with a migraine. It's 15 seconds from hell.
     Lord, I hate it when women act insane on national teevee.

Susan,   I have already been plenty PO'd over Hillary's last gaffe and thought that others would take the hint and learn. Apparently Liz Trotta did not. She is not only guilty of perpetuating the subject, she is criminally guilty!

Did you get to see the HBO movie last night, Recount it was about the 2000 Presidential election, specifically the FL situation, maybe I should call it the "scene of the crime", it was a good pic, but depressing as hell. What would the Minute Men say if they could see their country today? A somber Memorial Day to one and all.  My flag is flying, and I'm not even a Republican.

Al

Batspit or Baptist?

Susan,
   I had a mouthful of coffee that I nearly sprayed on my monitor when I mis-read that. I kind of like the idea of baptist crazy though.

Don A.

May 25 - I've made a couple of changes over on the left at Dandy Links.
     I took off Fort Bend Now because ever since it sold to some Houston outfit, it's been like diving off a cliff with weights tied to your ankles. The comments, which used to be a favorite pastime of smart, clever people, have been taken over by about five anonymous people with multiple personality disorder or complete and total personality disorder. Nobody with anything to say says it there anymore.
     I replaced it with Bob Dunn's Brazos Riverblog. Bob's one of my favorite writers (and people), although I am a little miffed that he didn't invite me over for apple pie.
     I also added Zippidy Doo Da with the motto "I'm not stupid. I'm from Texas." Charly Hoarse is danged funny and I think you'll enjoy him.
     Steve at White's Creek is a dandy wordsmith and he often treats us with great outdoor pictures around his home. Granny Geek is a daily stop for me, always hoping for a new post. Fran is a displaced Sugar Lander and a good friend with a wicked sense of humor. She can always make me laugh.
     The girlfriends at Folo keep me informed about Mississippi politics, good-ole-boy pride, and even have some great recipes. It's a one-stop Southern Girl Shop. Charles Kuffner is the only blogger alive. Everyone else just copies him. No, seriously, he's the Daddy.
     And there's Hal. Hal is the smartest blogger in Texas.
     Give my friends a visit. Most of them keep their places clean and fresh smelling.

There's more than Southern girls at Folo!

nmc (otherwise known as Tom)

May 25 - Texas' adorably wacky far right Super DeLux Brand Christian State Board of Education once again bullied their way to totally destroying Texas public education so their friends can get rich off vouchers.

"I find it's really wild that we can work for three years on a project and then the board is so qualified they can pull it out of their hat overnight," said board member Pat Hardy, a Fort Worth Republican who, like other board members, received the substituted document when it was slipped under her hotel door less than an hour before their meeting was set to convene Friday morning.

Some social conservatives on the board prepared the latest version overnight.

     Lots of blogs are attacking Board President Don MCLeroy as being "anti-science." That's just unfair and not true. Don McLeroy is not anti-science. Don McLeroy is anti-education.

     Thanks to mb for the heads-up.
     And, by the way, check the emails after the David Wallace pony show entry. Some good ones are coming in.

Our state board of education clearly has none. It has been an embarrassment for far too long, and soon we'll be compared, unfavorably of course, to Kansas. At least Kansans seem to be learning, and are abandoning the R ship like rats. Do I smell a Leininger somewhere?

Mah Fellow Murkuhn

May 24 - If you're stuck indoors with bad weather this weekend, here's a fun game to play with the kids. It's called The $3 Trillion Dollar Shopping Spree. You, too, can be George Bush.

(Thanks to David for the heads-up.)

May 24 - Look, I don't think that Hillary meant evil things with her really dumb statement yesterday.
     I think that she was trying to point out that campaigns can go into June, and said that Robert Kennedy was "assassinated" instead of "campaigning."
     It was dumb. Incredibly dumb. Bean dip honkin' dog dump dumb.
     It not only was dumb, it was wrong. My memory, which ain't all that great but certainly better than hers in many cases, is that, true, Bill Clinton hadn't sewed-up actual numbers needed for the nomination in June. California hadn't voted yet, but that was just a formality. California put him over the top, but it was over weeks before then.
     You'd think she'd remember that because she had a better seat than I did.
     I think Hal is right on target when he says ---

Quite frankly I think she’s just tired and frustrated. Those two things, mark me, are a deadly combination and makes you say things you don’t mean, or if you are thinking about those things, you normally restrain yourself in order to be polite and tactful.

Quite frankly, it strikes me that this is the kind of thing that Hillary Clinton was hoping to occur within the Obama campaign – some sort of unforgivable gaffe or event that would cause superdelegates to rethink their votes. Ironic, isn’t it, that the campaign killer she was anticipating may just have occurred in her own campaign.

     What she said was dumb and wrong. Her recognition of that fact has been lacking.
     However, I am willing to bet my best pair of pink boots that by tomorrow morning, Hillary's camp will have spun it so that she's the victim.
     I grow oh so weary of Hillary the Victim.
     How 'bout she says this instead, "What I said was incorrect and hurtful in that it evoked painful and frightening thoughts and memories. I apologize and accept responsibility for my words. I will make other mistakes in my life, but I will not make this one again."
     That's what an adult says. That's what a woman says.

May 23 - Holy Rock and Roll on the Shroud of Turin. This is the largest display of ego since Sheriff Milton Wright put his name in large capital letters all over the patrol cars.
     Watch as retiring Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace turns Sugar Land into Six Flags Over Jesus.
     It's inventively and creatively entitled "The Sugar Land Way."

     No, seriously, this is the Sugar Land mayor singing all around town. The big one is here.
     I am told that this video was presented to all Sugar Land city employees by Wallace as his goodbye gift. No word yet on how the Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, and agnostic employees enjoyed their parting gift. However, I highly suspect that all employees would have appreciated a piece of cake or something more than David Wallace singing a duet with ... well, of course, David Wallace.
     Look, it's one thing to strut yourself as a rock star, but don't drag Sweet Jesus all over town to cover for bad lyrics. Sweet Jesus has done nothing to deserve this.
     Republicans - you can dress them up, take them out, and even give them background music, but ya just can't make them behave.

Susan,

David Wallace singing about the evils of greed and pride?

Does Jesus get irony?

I'm certain that the city employees do.

Hey Zeus

Being a master guitar player I have always hated the faking that goes on in videos and many TV performances. Remember when Saturday Night Live used to advertise, Network TV's only live musical performance. They had to stop that years ago because many of the groups use prerecorded tracks and I have caught some of the famous ones playing stuff that was not even close to the music not to mention everyone being off beat when there is one. So I guess Wallace just thinks it's OK to fake with a guitar too. He was not playing the song and it looked like he was struggling to find a chord if he might even know some basics. Typical Repug knows 2 chords so he thinks he is an pro. What makes a pro in the Music Bidness today? Oh, 5,6 chords.

Cheers,
Robin

Susan,

Why don't you ask someone that knows who paid for all of the production cost of that youtube fiasco? Separation of church and state issues there if the taxpayers paid for it.

I don't live in or near Sugarland although I used to back in the 70's. Don't have a dog in the fight but find all of that, uh, stuff, interesting.

Best,

Bob

So Bono Wallace thinks that something other than pride caused him to spread his face in multiple images across the screen? Somebody had better capture that video before Wallace realizes how embarrassing it is and removes it.

Sweet Girl from Sugar Land

I never realized; y'all have a real problem over there. I opened up the utube video, viewed it for about 9 nanoseconds, and commented, "It makes my hair hurt". I was embarrassed for him. Ego like that is unnatural, even dangerous. I'm glad I live way, far east of Sugarland over here in Beaumont. We have our problems, but nothing like I perceive Sugarland has.
Robert

That wins any Bad Mayor Contest anywhere, anyplace, anytime. Why didn't he give the city employees autographed pictures of himself? It would have saved everyone a lot of time.

What's the deal at the beginning about helping humanity?

Now I finally understand how Tom DeLay kept getting elected from your city.

Del

Susan -

I laughed so hard, I almost peed in my pants when I saw the shot of him "singing" (in harmony with himself, no less) in front of the former Imperial Sugar refinery. Taking his best/last shot at former BFFs Will Perry, Costa Baijali, & R D Tanner, maybe??

Sugar Land expat

I want you to know that your entry made it all the way to Los Angeles where a former Texan used it as a humorous example of entertainment expected in Texas. I once saw a mayor in Iowa who could whistle through his nose. He was more talented and tasteful than your mayor.

Len

Susanhoney, look at it this way. If Mayor Dave ever runs for higher office, he can be his own Rev. Wright. Speaking of which ------- how's his business deals in Waco going?

Wade

Susan - at about 2:05 there's a mountain range with a lake. When did yall get mountains in Sugar Land? Did Wallace start with a molehill?

Tami

May 22 - Okay, I have a couple of friends who live in DeeCee and they get all the good rumors first. I got one today from my friend Kary who says this is a reliable source. I cut the incriminating information.

LLO, for whom I produce shows has been using the John Edwards campaign offices here in Southern Village, a beautiful complex of businesses and restaurants just down the road from my house.

He gave up his offices when he came out of the campaign.

This morning, we have been officially informed that Edwards campaign needs the offices back and we must move as of today.

Does that tell you who is going to be the vice-presidential nominee?

You figure it out.

You heard it here first.

Richard
Chapel Hill, NC

     My hope was that John Edwards would be Attorney General. However, Veep would do. Yes, it would.

May 22 - John Cornyn is a jerk. He's pitched a snitty fit about this ad which was made, produced, and paid for by veterans ----

     Cornyn's response was that the ad was from the "anti-war crowd." How in the fool tarnation is wanting educational benefits for vets being anti-war?
     John Cornyn never spent one single day serving his country. He's a big ole nincompoop son of a motherless goat who has disrespected Texas veterans for the last darned time.

May 22 - Kellybee has been thinking again ---

Susan-

Watching the soon-to-be-former Vice President and the maybe-next Mayor of Candyland in action reminded me...this is National Silly Hat Week!

Kellybee

There is an old West Texas saying about hats like that. You need two of them - one to crap in and the other to cover it up. Your Mama probably wouldn't like hearing this, but mine, a Baptist church-going lady, still says it every now and then, if the man's hat is silly enough.

Mah Fellow Murkhun

May 21 - Okay, so Sugar Land will be electing themselves a new mayor on June 21st. A couple of people have asked me who I endorse.
     I've thought hard about it.
     Daniel Wong.
     First off, think of the entertainment value that Daniel Wong would give us folks in Richmond while we watch from a safe distance.

     Plus, think of it this way: Wong is so incredibly goofy that nothing - and I mean nothing - will get done while he's mayor. That's not such a bad thing considering ....
     On the other hand, if Jimmy Thompson is elected mayor, lots of things will get done. And all of them are bad.
     No, seriously, you might as well hand the keys to the city to developers with their hands out if you vote for Thompson.
     So, doing nothing suddenly looks pretty darned good.
     The proceeding was a professional political analysis. Do not try this at home. No animals were harmed in the preparation of these ideas.

May 21 - I have a friend who works in DeeCee. He sent me this snapshot from Shelley Sekula's Gibb's old office door, with the note, "and the beat goes on."

     Dang, I miss that goofy broad. On days when I didn't have anything funny to write, I could count on Shelley doing something entertaining.

May 21 - Say hi to Greg Pavlock ---

     Take Highway 36 through Rosenberg and go under both railroad passes. 'Bout a mile down the road on your right, you'll see the sign: Pavlock Farms. Turn right and got about a forth a mile to Pavlock farms. For you map people, it's 210 Huntington Road in Rosenberg.
     I came home with tomatoes, all manner of squashes, okra, corn, and bell peppers. My friend Marsha bought a 26 pound watermelon that she says she'll finish off in a few days. Fair Warning: do not get between Marsha and watermelon.
     Greg's open from 9 to 6 everyday except Saturday when he knocks off at 4. Closed Sundays.

May 20 - Charly Hoarse gives us all a heads-up that you do not want to live near Swiftboater Bob Perry's son Will.
     Not only will he bring Pavement Princesses around your property, he sucks. No, literally, he sucks and we have scientific proof - Will Perry sucked the lake off a homeowner's property.

The lake behind Ernest Randall’s shooting range in League City suddenly sank about four feet at the end of March.

He had to move his boats, which were completely beached, and his suddenly useless dock, which was stretching across a muddy basin instead of lake water.

If it had been the result of a drought or other weather condition, Randall would have been frustrated, but when he found out his neighbor across the lake was responsible, he was infuriated.

     Nice, Christian, American-lovin' guys, huh?

Susan – I live about a 5 iron away from the lake in question. The really ironic part of this story is that the daughter in law of the lake / shooting range owner is probably about to become our mayor. Some serious karma at work here.

Dennis

May 20 - This is not for the squeamish, so if you've just had lunch, stop reading here.
     The Republicans in Congress want Tom DeLay back.
     See, I told you it would upset your tummy.
     They are that desperate. A Republican on the Hill talked to The Politico.

This source also said Boehner “lacks some of the killer instinct” of former Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas). “DeLay had a lot of problems, but he got the job done. Boehner needs a little more DeLay in him. He’s got to knock some heads,” said this source.

Boehner has taken a decidedly anti-DeLay approach since taking over the party in early 2006, preferring consensus over conflict. But the GOP’s recent slump had some members and aides reminiscing fondly about the days when “The Hammer” ruled the Republicans.

     Bless their hearts, don't they realize that Tom DeLay's corruption and selfishness is what got them into this mess in the first place?

May 20 - You just gotta love Republican men. They are so danged amusing.
     Remember ole Vito Fossella from New York who got caught driving drunk, then called his mistress to come bail him out, and she brought along his illegitimate child? Striiiike three and you're outta here ---

A New York congressman who admitted to fathering a child out of wedlock with a woman who bailed him out of jail on a drunk driving charge this month announced Monday that he will not run for re-election.

     But it's not enough to say, "I'm so full of stuff that even my eyes are brown." Nope, he's a Republican so he has to wrap himself in the flag and light his own patootie like a Fourth of July rocket.

"This choice was an extremely difficult one, balanced between my dedication to service to our great nation and the need to concentrate on healing the wounds that I have caused to my wife and family," Rep. Vito Fossella, a six-term Republican, said in a written statement.

     You're dedicated to something, Cowpoke, and it appears to have something to do with service. However, not to this country.

May 20 - Thank you, Tom Toles.

May 19 - Just down the road.

Police beat for May 19, 2008
PEARLAND

Woman accidentally shoots herself

A 47-year-old Pearland woman accidentally shot herself in the side with a revolver during target practice in the 18000 block of Amoco Drive in Pearland, Brazoria County Sheriff’s Office Sgt. Charles Bankston said.

“Apparently they were target shooting and she was going to do some kind of quick draw behind her back, goofing around and she shot herself in her side,” Bankston said.

The woman shot herself on the left side, just above her hip and the bullet exited her back, Bankston said.

     What would Annie Oakley do?
     Quick draw? Maybe not so much.
     I don't know Sgt. Bankston but I suspect he should get a commendation for keeping a straight face.

May 18 - You know who's a Dick? Morris.

Nothing here specifically about Dick Morris, but…

www.dickipedia.org

These guys are pretty much equal opportunity bashers, but there's some seriously funny stuff here.

Your fan,
Dave in Austin

May 18 - Deb sent us a bizarre story about John McCain at the NRA. These people expected to be able to carry their concealed weapons, including handguns and knives, into a McCain speech because it's their right, dammit.

A small but startling sign welcomed the gun lovers who arrived at the National Rifle Association's annual gathering Friday.

"Firearms WILL NOT be allowed in Hall A during the Celebration of American Values Leadership Forum."

Beyond this sign at the Kentucky Exposition Center was a row of 10 metal detectors. They were manned by uniformed Secret Service officers deployed because the scheduled speakers included presumptive Republican nominee John McCain.

The Secret Service sets the rules in such circumstances, and even NRA big shots had to go through the screening. Thousands found themselves standing in a long, slow, feeder line before they even reached one of the lines that stretched in front of each metal detector.

     But whoa, I thought John McCain didn't want Secrtet Service protection. Just last month, he turned it down.
     I guess that after Huckabee's speech to the NRA, McCain decided that those NRA people are nuttier than squirrel poop and he just might need some protection from them.
     My sympathies lie with the NRA nuts. I mean, think of this way - they gotta know how crazy each other are. Some danged fool NRA nut is liable to try to shoot somebody in the room so the other NRA nuts have to be carrying so they can shoot the original nut and the original nut's friends gotta shoot the shooters and before you know it --- hey, it's Gunfight at McCain Corral.

May 18 - My email server is down this morning, so if you emailed me in the past 24 hours, I likely didn't get it. It's working now, so re-send any emails.
     We had a great meeting of Fort Bend Democrats yesterday, and most of us are getting ready for the State Convention.
     A handful of Clinton delegates in Sugar Land are being real stinkers and trying to keep any Fort Bend Democratic delegates from being seated at the State Convention, even including themselves and other Hillary delegates, just because Obama won and they are oh so tiddily peeved about that.
     Ya know, if they had spent half as much time organizing and building prior to the Senatorial Conventions as they are tearing things down for everybody afterward, they might have won. But instead, they are giving bon-bon-eating lazy flighty bitter women a bad name. And I hate that, because I spent most of my life giving them a good name.

Sorry to hear about your Fort Bend County woes. If you ever need a bogus address in Montgomery County, you're welcome to use mine (not that I'm much better off in Montgomery County than you are in Fort Bend County).

Grace

May 16 - I am so screwed.
     I'm sorry to use that word, Momma. I know you don't like that word, but there's no other way to put it.
     I'm screwed.
     Totally screwed.
     You'd think that after having Tom DeLay as your Congressman for 15 years that things could not get worse.
     That's what you'd think. And apparently you'd think wrong.
     First out of the box, I have Republican Congressional candidate (and obviously not a brain surgeon) Pete Olson. Oh Lord, this is bad.
     While every other Republican in the entire world is running away from Dick Cheney ...

.... Pete Olson sends this out to everybody within emailing distance ....

You are cordially invited to a luncheon honoring



Pete Olson

Republican Nominee for Congressional District 22

With Special Guest

Vice President Dick Cheney

Friday, June 6, 2008

Please plan to arrive by 10 am to allow time to clear security.

at the home of Jan and Dan Duncan

2980 Lazy Lane, Houston TX 77019

       Dude, I would not make this up. He's having Darth Cheney come help him campaign. No word yet on allowing Cheney to drown little kittens with his bare hands in the punch bowl to entertain the crowd.
     Dick Cheney. Oh Lord, don't they know that Dick Cheney has a lower approval rating than flesh eating virus?
     Plus, the email was sent by Tom DeLay's former assistant, Dana Benoit. That's Cheney, DeLay, and $1,000 cheap seats to an event. Ta da! - the trifecta of sneer!
     Not only is my Republican congressional candidate stoopid - he's mentally disturbed.
     Now get this ---
     In a regular democracy, even in third world countries, I would have another choice in this election come November.
     Not so fast.
     My Democratic congressman (who almost got beat by a write-in candidate) is more Republican than Cheney. Okay, so he's less evil than Cheney. I'll grant you that, but it's a close call sometimes.
     Democrat Nick Lampson voted for FISA. See what I mean about the close call?
     And, he voted against the Clean Beaches Act. He has beaches in his district, for Pete's sake, and but he was one of only three Democrats who voted against the Clean Beaches Act! What was that all about?
     Yesterday was the stunner. Yesterday, Lampson went lower than whale poop on the ocean floor when he voted against veterans. Cripes, 32 Republicans crossed the aisle and voted for the veterans bill. It's a good bill and very patriotic.
     This bill would allow our veterans from the Iraq and Afghanistan wars to go to college. Lampson stood courageously opposing both veterans and college while even our newest conservative Democrats, Don Cazayoux (LA) and Bill Foster (IL) both voted with the Democrats on this legislation.
     I am so screwed.
     I can vote for the crazy Cheney dude or the cold and calculating Cheney dude.
     I can't vote for Olson because he's just creepy. However, if I vote for Lampson I'm voting against the interests of my own children. My veteran son will have to go to dirty beaches instead of college. But, thanks to Lampson, no matter where he is, he can be spied on.
     I am sooooo screwed.

Yeah, now that the California Supreme Court has legalized gay marriages there, Lampson no longer has an excuse for not marrying Bush--he sure ain't married to his constituents.

Earl

06/06/08? Well it's almost the mark of the Beast. They probably had it scheduled 2 days earlier and one of those RR you talk about caught it. They obsess on that kind of stuff you know. I know you are in shock Susan, but look at the silver lining, 6/6/08 would be a great day to mount a monster PROTEST Rally in your neck of the woods.

Cheers,
Robin

What a creep! I went to college on the G.I. Bill. Probably Lampson, and most of those who oppose the bill were never weighted down with military service. (John McCain who went to college at the tax payers' expense being an exception.)

He disgusts me so much I'm tempted to move to Sugarland and run as an Independent. No wait, that is extreme. There must be someone down there of note who could be lured into a third party challenge.

TK

May 16 - So last night I went to Texas City to hear the Texas Democratic judicial candidates. You're gonna get an earful over the summer from me about why we need to run those dang activist anti-consumer anti-worker Republicans off the Texas courts.
     However, I want you to consider this first: What are the odds of you being a blonde named Susan and going to a Texas City union hall and there are two other blondes named Susan? Pretty slim, huh?
     Well, please meet two other Susans.

     On the left is my friend, Judge Susan Criss from Galveston. On the right is Susan Strawn, Democratic candidate for the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals. It was Smart Blonde Susans Galore in Texas City last night. Okay, so at least I'm blonde.
     Susan Strawn is just one of the many highly qualified candidates prepared to take back Texas Courts.
     There was standing room only at the packed union hall, where Judge Criss hosted all the Texas judicial candidates.

     Sam Houston, one of my favorite candidates (on the left) gave a rousing speech about consumer rights. He's running for the Texas Supreme Court and he's going to win.
     We also got to hear from Burt Mosier, Jim Sharp, Leslie Taylor, and Martin Siegel - all excellent candidates. To be honest, I've never been in a room with that many writ twits and still had a good time. Lawyers can suck the fun out of Disneyland, but these guys are smart, engaging, and hunkered down for a good fight.
     Afterwards, ole Bubba and I went to dinner with Susan Criss and her daddy, Lloyd. Susan knows a bunch of highly entertaining stories about Texas Democratic Party Chairman Boyd Richie. So, if you ever need anything from Boyd, just let me know.

May 15 - First Republicans, then these. We have too many danged varmints in Texas.

Dear Susan,
I read about those crazy ants and the first thing that came to mind was -- of all things -- being thankful that Ole Tommy gave up on being an exterminator. If he'd been the one to discover them they'd be called Crazy DeLay Ants. Of course, if he HAD been the one to discover them, he'd probably have applied his standard remedy for pests -- pay them off with some else's money. And if that didn't work
he'd have to redistrict the state so all those ants would become someone else's problem.

Don (who only has gypsy moth caterpiggles to deal with this Spring.)

What would Tom name the ants? The term piss ant has already been taken.

Sam

May 15 - Ah, life is good. House Republicans believe that they'll lose 20 more seats in November.
     That would restore them to their rightful place as America's perennial minority party without any power to do anything else harmful.

For the past 18 months, ever since the 2006 elections, congressional Republicans have been like a hospital patient trying to convince visitors that he is not really all that sick: a bit under the weather; actually feel better than I sound; should be up and about any day; thanks for asking.

Suddenly — belatedly — all pretense is gone.

The Republican defeat in Tuesday’s special election in Mississippi, in a deeply conservative district where, in an average year, Democrats cannot even compete, was a clear sign that the GOP has the political equivalent of cancer that has spread throughout the body. Many House GOP operatives are privately predicting that the party could easily lose up to 20 seats this fall.

     Okay, the House and the White House are secure. Let's work on a very realistic chance of having a Democratic Senator from Texas, Rick Noriega.

May 15 - Okay, guys, here's a story we might want to get out nationally.
     Remember Bob Perry, the money man behind Swift Boat Veterans for Truth and the single largest contributor to the Texas Republican Party?
     You know how he's a proud member of Nassau Bay Baptist Church and father of Will Perry, the CEO of Perry Properties.
     Well, Will Perry ended up in a Fort Bend County divorce court last week and Bev Carter of the Fort Bend Star was there to cover it ----

Under questioning by Laura Perry’s attorney, Will Perry admitted he has been a sexual addict for many years, but had quit attending Sex Addicts Anonymous in January, 2008. He said he had sex with “probably” 20 prostitutes since his marriage. During this testimony, Mrs. Perry left the courtroom and her uncontrollable sobs in the hall could be heard inside.

A chart in Will Perry’s handwriting that he had drawn several years ago tracing his sexual addiction blamed his sexual addiction problems on his father who he claimed was an alcoholic and verbally abusive, and his mother who he said was sexually abused by her father. He said Laura Perry was codependent but he said these were his thoughts 12-13 years ago and was no longer the case. (See what I mean by daddy’s checkbook should be open to keep this whole business out of court. If Perry did file bankruptcy to avoid paying his wife and children, he just made the stupidest move of his life, which is now displayed for all to see.)

     And it's get even seedier -

He testified that he did not post his profile on Match.com even though it was there. Nor any of the other dating sites and he didn’t post exotic pictures of himself. He finally admitted that he had logged on to Match.com to look around.

     Republicans are just the nicest people.
     Hey, Daddy Perry, pay for your grandchildren. This is getting embarrassing. How 'bout we form "Women with Philandering Husbands for Truth?"
     Bev promises there's more to come.

Don't you think a sex addict would refrain from mentioning his involvement in "local organizations including the ... Rio Bend children's home, the YMCA ..." ? Isn't Rio Bend Children's Home Tom Delay's...whatever it is?   And the YMCA?

How is a sex addict involved with Children's groups? I'm not making any accusations, but I think it someone should be asking questions and making sure his involvement was nothing more than monetary.

Patrick

So Bob Perry, moneybags to all things Godly and Republican, turns out to be an abusive alcoholic to his family. Why am I not surprised?

Isn't Perry a major supporter of John Cornyn?

The more sanctimonious they are, the harder they fall.

Hey Zeus

Bob Perry only opens his check book to pay off the Texas Supreme Court.  As much as I delight in the hypocrisy of these folk, his influence is unsettling.

- Jeromy

I looked at your Perry story right after I'd posted this: Jinx?

Chief Charly Hoarse

May 14 - Alfredo sends us a think-piece from The Hill.

The sky is falling on House Republicans and there is no sign of it letting up.
The GOP loss in Mississippi’s special election Tuesday is the strongest sign yet that the Republican Party is in shambles. And while some Republicans see a light at the end of the tunnel, that light more likely represents the Democratic train that is primed to mow down more Republicans in November.

And they're whistling past the graveyard -

In a January interview with The Hill, (NRCC Chairman Tom) Cole said, “My biggest problem is not money or candidates. It’s Republican morale. There’s no reason to be this down. The worst is behind us.”

The NRCC chairman has been dealt a bad hand, as scandals have continued to hit the GOP.

Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) has been indicted and married Rep. Vito Fossella (R-N.Y.) was recently arrested and subsequently admitted to an affair and fathering a child out-of-wedlock.

In February, the NRCC announced that it was the victim of an internal accounting fraud and that the losses could total in the millions on dollars.

     How do you know the worst is behind you, Tom? Do you have any idea how many more Republican men are fixing to get caught? Woo, woo ... check your back, Bub.

May 14 - All right! My first choice for President just endorsed my second choice.

     Get this super-cool bumper sticker at Fort Bend Democrats, this Saturday, 10:00 till noon, First Colony library 2121 Austin Parkway, Sugar Land. They will also have rally signs and pins - cheap.

May 14 - Bless their little bitty tiny hearts, Republican just don't get it.

"I don't want some mom whose son may have recently died to see the commander in chief playing golf," he said. "I feel I owe it to the families to be in solidarity as best as I can with them. And I think playing golf during a war just sends the wrong signal."

     People are losing their children, spouses, siblings, and parents, so Bush gives up golf as his sacrifice?
     Cripes, no wonder Republicans are dropping like flies. First Illinois 14, then Louisiana 6th and now Mississippi 1st.
     Oddly, what happened in the Mississippi 1st also happened here in Fort Bend County. Republicans tried to tie their opponent to Barack Obama and play the Obama card. (Watch the scary YouTube at that link.)

No, turn your eyes South. The real political hacks will be watching northern Mississippi, where Democrats will try to snatch a third U.S. House seat in a row from Republicans.

And Republicans will discover whether their third attempt to tie Obama — and the Rev. Jeremiah Wright — to the local Democrat is the charm.

     It didn't work. Which is great news for Obama next November.
     Now, if you recall, the same thing happened here in Fort Bend County, but in a real weird kind of way. It was one Republican trying to tie another Republican to Barack Obama in the Republican primary. Of course, it failed here, too.

     Barack Obama - a candidate with coattails instead of baggage.

May 13 - And our friend CW , who is hiding out up North, sends us a grin --

May 13 - We get email about some of our favorite people.

Hi Susan,

It's nice to know that if nothing else, Bill O'Reilly has at least been consistent in his career. If only CBS had cut the cord then...

Brian

May 13 - Thanks to Carol in Vermont for the heads-up on this one.
     The Republican Party of the United States of America has a new slogan. Okay, here it is: "the change you deserve."
     Even on the face of it, that's a mighty strange slogan considering the changes we seem to deserve under Bush is an economy that's tanking, an unwinnable war that's draining our children's lives and our grandchildren's wallets, loss of our basic freedoms, and corporate idolatry --- uh, just to name a few.
     But here come the best part. Somebody already has that slogan.

What the GOP doesn't seem to realize, because they are idiots, is that "the change you deserve" is the registered advertising slogan of Effexor XR,

Effexor, also known as Venlafaxine, is approved for the treatment "of depression, generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder in adults." Its common side effects are very much in keeping with the world the House Republicans have striven to build: nausea, apathy, constipation, fatigue, vertigo, sexual dysfunction, sweating, memory loss, and - and I swear I am not making this up - "electric shock-like sensations also called 'brain zaps.'"

     Brain zaps. Well hell, that explains a lot.
     So prepare yourself because if the GOP is re-elected, you're going to need an anti-depressant and they seem pretty proud of that.

May 12 - Wanna see a big ole load of caca del toro?
     Andy Meyers is now saying, "he made some accounting errors and didn't initially catch them. "It was my fault, my oversight." He added that once he became aware of the errors, he corrected them."
     Accounting errors? Oversight?
     First, Andy is a CPA. He runs for office every year on the fact that he's "a numbers and money man." I have a solar powered pocket calculator and college algebra. I caught his violations. That's kinda pitiful.
     Second, and most importantly, the items brought up by the Texas Ethics Ethics Commission on pages 2 - 7 are violations they found on the corrected reports.
     Go to page 5 of the Ethics Commission agreement and check #5 and #6 on that page. On the corrected report, Andy improperly reimbursed himself $19,000.
     So, yes, he corrected it, but the corrections were violations. Not technical violations. Not minor violations. Big ole hairy festering $19,000 violations.
     And, Babe, this is just the tip of the iceberg.
     Honey, he's lumps in the kitty litter.

May 12 - Okay, Guys, I put up the wrong PDF of Andy's agreement with the Texas Ethics Commission. Here it is in full as mailed to me by the TEC. It's 8 pages in a PDF file.

May 12 - HOLY JUSTICE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP! It took 18 months, but I won!
     Our Super DeLux Brand Christian Republican County Commissioner Andy Meyers lawyered-up but was found guilty anyway. Guilty. Guilty. Guilty. Of ethics violations.
     Yes, sireee. Ethics violations. Andy Meyers – that self-righteous son of a motherless goat who never, ever makes mistakes.
     They finally reached a settlement agreement in the ethics complaint I filed against Andy Meyers 18 months ago.