Kiss My Big Blue Butt

Email me

Dandy Links

Fort Bend Now

Half Empty
Winding Road

Musings

Kuffner

White's Creek

Old Stuff

December, 2006
January, 2007
February, 2007
March, 2007
April, 2007

And a big
thanks to

Matocha & Associates

Campaign finance reports

Bob Hebert
Andy Meyers
Tom Stavinoha
James Patterson

If you'd like to make a comment, email it to me
Email comments are in the blue boxes.

May 31 - BREAKING! Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace reads the writing on the wall. He's outta politics.

His statement:

Over the past several months, I have fielded an increasing number of questions regarding the upcoming election for Congressional District 22. While this is a position in which I am confident I could serve the constituency well, this is not the most favorable time for me to launch a campaign of this magnitude and to devote the ongoing time required of this important position.

In November of 2006, I partnered with Costa Bajjali to form a new company, Wallace Bajjali Development Partners LP. Just as with any new venture, this business requires a concentrated investment of my time and energy right now. I believe strongly that I owe it to my partner, Costa Bajjali, our investors, as well as my family, to make this my priority at this time.

It has been my distinct honor to serve the citizens of Sugar Land as Mayor for three terms. It has truly been a dream job. Since the early days when Sugar Land was a company town, through its phenomenal growth, to today as we realize our great potential, this has been a community dedicated to excellence. I have been proud to work shoulder-to-shoulder with the outstanding men and women elected to City Council and the exceptional City Manager and staff to help Sugar Land take its place among the best cities in the nation.

However, as I stated last Fall, I will not be seeking a fourth term as Mayor for the very same reason that I will not pursue the congressional office at this time. My early announcement of this decision was designed to give citizens ample opportunity to carefully consider who they would like to have as their next mayor. I stand by this decision.

May 31 - Welcome Tennessee Guerilla Women. One small mention, and half the State of Tennessee comes to my website.
     Hope you have some fun here!

May 31 - Don't forget - today is Farmer's Market day in Needville. They now even have a website!

May 31 - Oh dear … there goes the conspiracy theory neighborhood.

AUSTIN – Gov. Rick Perry is flying to Istanbul, Turkey, today to speak at the super-secret Bilderberg Conference, a meeting of about 130 international leaders in business, media and politics.

The invitation-only conference was started in 1954 and named for the Dutch hotel where the conference was first held. Those who attend promise not to reveal what was discussed, security is tight, and the press and public are barred.

The conference has been the subject of conspiracy theorists and even Christian groups who wonder about its influence.

Last year, the conference was held in Ottawa, and the Toronto Star reported that it had received an unsigned press release saying that the 2006 group included David Rockefeller, Henry Kissinger, Queen Beatrix of Holland, New York Gov. George Pataki, media moguls, high-level officials from Spain and Greece, and the heads of Coca-Cola, Credit Suisse and the Royal Bank of Canada.

     Look, there’s a perfectly logical explanation. They’re going to turn Rick Perry into a Cyborg just like they did George W. Bush, run him for President and then go to war against California.
     Don’t believe me, huh? Well, can you give me any other reason why Rick Perry would get an invitation anywhere?
     I didn’t think so.

May 31 - For your end of the month laugh, Judge Susan Criss in Galveston County offers this story.
     Mizhonor, as we call Judge Criss around here, does not blog enough to keep me completely entertained every day. I have complained bitterly to her about it, and even notified the proper authorities, but she has another project going.

May 31 - We get email to keep me from having to work.

Susan,
The Washington Post reports that Fred Thompson is forming a presidential committee.

Here's another picture of him to add to your collection. I've never seen a politician as un-photogenic as he is in my life.

I didn't know he was a TV star; the article says that he currently stars as District Attorney Arthur Branch on "Law and Order." I wonder if he thinks he's well educated about the legal system from all that studying of the TV scripts.

Just an Observer

May 30 - If I say it's Christmas, you better go buy some little twinkling lights, Honey.
The Texas Blue see the hat in the ring, as does The Hill. Mikal Watts is tossing his sombrero.
Smart money says Rick Noriega will also get in the race, but John Sharp won't.

May 30 - We even get email from the Hill Country.

Susan,

I knew you want to get those Blue Dallasites excited. Check this out.

E
NOTE FROM SUSAN: for you outta-towners, Dallas went big and blue in the last election.

May 30 - We get email about Mario Gallegos.

Hi, Susan. I thought I'd share this news with my big blue butt cohorts. Thank goodness we have guys like Mr. Gallegos to offset our overabundance of crazies!

Stephanie up in Arlington

May 30 - This is just a sweet and loving suggestion for the political season from someone who’s been playing this sport for a while.
     If you’re going to set up your first ever campaign website, it’s not a good idea to feature the one activity that your opponents will hammer you for.
     Sheriff Milton Wright, who spends more time on the golf course than Arnold Palmer, features pictures of himself making bad pitch shots on his website. Look for these pictures on his opponents’ campaign literature.
     Plus, when you’re an uneducated goofball who picks his nose in public, try to find that picture of yourself that doesn’t scream, “Oh Lookie, Ethel! Barney Fife pulled us over for speeding.”
     Another thing, please let someone who is vaguely familiar with English write the script. Cut and paste exactly quoted:

Many of those attending expressed their looking forward to next year's event, as each year the tournament has grown.

Sheriff Wright, not to be left out of the chance to drive a golfball, made his way around the course and provide a shot for each team to consider using in the scramble event.

     Sheriff is more than just a man with a nine iron. But I think this says it all, directly from his website …..

Milton maintains a peaceful mind by squeezing in a friendly game of golf every so often, but he is most recognized outside law enforcement for his passion and skill with the accordion.

     That’s the first qualities I look for in my sheriff – golf and accordion playing skills.
     Look, I'm just gonna go ahead and say it - Milton maintains a “peaceful mind” because there ain’t nothing in it. A pond with no fish looks peaceful, too.
     This is 2007, Milton, buy a damn calendar and check for yourself.

Susan,

I tried to fix the sentence but it still has its flaws.

Many of those attending expressed their ~~looking forward to~~ fond anticipation of next year's event, as ~~each year~~ since the tournament has grown each year.

It doesn’t follow that one looks forward to a tournament because it has gotten larger each year.

I blame the Texas school system and their stupid, stupid teachers.

Hal

NOTE FROM SUSAN: For the outta-towners: Hal is being ironic with his last sentence. Hal is a teacher.

May 29 - As my friend Carol in Vermont says, you can’t make this stuff up. Tom DeLay just can't stay out of the news.

The difference between his own adultery and Gingrich's, he said, "is that I was no longer committing adultery by that time, the impeachment trial. There's a big difference." He added, "Also, I had returned to Christ and repented my sins by that time."

     DeLay also says that the impeachment trial was another of his "proudest moments." Tom, Dude, calm down because karma is a nasty handmaiden. What is it that comes before a fall? Oh yeah, now I remember …

Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall..-- Proverbs 16: 18

     Somebody clear a path and put out some pillows because Tom’s fixing to make a big ole hole in the sidewalk, or a giant cannonball into somebody's hot tub. Now, that would be perfect.

May 29 - Holy Mother of the Insane, have mercy on us.

"God has spoken to me," DeLay said. "I listen to God, and what I've heard is that I'm supposed to devote myself to rebuilding the conservative base of the Republican party, and I think we shouldn't be underestimated."

     By "we" does he mean the conservatives, or him and God? No, seriously, this matters. Mental health professionals will want to know.
     Thanks to Kathy for the heads-up. Read the whole story here.

If, for some unimaginable reason, God really did have an interest in rebuilding the conservative base of the Republican Party, why in the sam hill would he communicate that to us through Tom DeLay? That God – such a kidder!

Dennis
League City

It wouldn't be the first time God has spoken through the mouth of a jackass.

Sam

I do believe ole Tom is going to provide us with a few laughs before he goes to the slammer, he’s about as well equipped to handle prison life as Paris Hilton, and as far as I know she doesn’t hear voices.

Carol

May 29 - Five feet high and rising.
     Bob Dunn over at Fort Bend Now is giving us some predictions on the Brazos River. It appears to be changing course through my kitchen.
     Here's the bad news. If you look at the map at the bottom, you can see my street. Check this, and see that The River went from 17 feet on Sunday to 32 feet today. And we've got another week of rain coming.
     If you see me on the news on my roof hollering for help, come get me, dammit.

Actually, I dated Helen Highwater for a few years. Very attractive but really weird...She probably says the same thing about me, except for that "attractive" part. We ugly men got good points, too, but Daddy said I ain't allowed to brag in a family forum or even an ex-beauty shop. I dumped Helen for a remote broadcast TV girl, and that was fun but she was way too kinky for me and dumped me (You believe that?) for that traveling pharmaceutical salesman.

Anyway, you guys have our rain. We're about a foot low, so far, and it's not looking to get better before it gets worse. (Where have I heard that before?)

So I'm sitting here sipping something cool and wet and being envious while you guys are hogging all the rain. Come on! It ain't fair and you guys know it. While you guys are sitting on the roof, all our spring lizards are drying up and we'll have to switch to chicken gizzards and trot lines for a respectable fishin' trip out here.

Next thing you know, we won't have enough well water to make beer. That, my friend, will throw a ton of folks out of work. Mostly those who were so big and dumb they had to go into criminal justice at the Community college...And No! You cannot quote me on that. I have to get home from Margaritaville every Friday night. It's what passes for church in my little circle of over educated whatevers.

So... I'm sorry you guys need to brush up on your canoe strokes. I hope you get by OK, and remember... Some of those mushrooms that show up in the cow pastures about two weeks after the rain finally stops are edible.

Peace,

Steve

May 29 - What is it with Republican men? Why can’t they say the words, “I made a mistake.”
     Texas Secretary of State Geoffrey Connor, a Rick Perry appointment (eye rolling acceptable here), has decided to use the George Bush excuse – “I didn’t get enough information but that’s not my fault. That’s everybody else’s fault.”

More Texas counties are abandoning a centralized voting records system after experiencing difficulties in the May 12 election, as the state struggles to get it running smoothly.

Critics of the system, known as Texas Election Administration Management, or TEAM, say former Texas Secretary of State Geoffrey Connor made a mistake by accepting the higher of two final bids for an unproven system.

Connor says the critics are wrong. "I remain confident that we made the best decision we could at the time with the information that was available," Connor said.

     Well, Honey, going home with the ugliest man in the bar at 2:00 a.m. when you’re drunk might be the best decision you could make at the time with the information that’s available, but that don’t mean it’s the smartest idea. I guess you could blame the bartender for the lack of lighting and the exclusion of the No Brains, No Service rule, but when it comes down to it, it was your decision.
     And don’t even get me going on the money these Republicans have wasted on the voting machines – especially in this county – where we did buy the blasted Hart system. It takes Jedi mind tricks to vote on those things.

Susan,

Remember when our county Election Commissioner told us that we needed to go to electronic voting because we were all too dumb to color in the little ovals on those optical scan ballots that we'd only been using for like 20 years? Then they make us use these faith-based Hart machines instead--which remind me of Russian Roulette, can't think why. Then they tell you that your vote has been cast when "the flag waves." I just wasn't expecting it to be a Confederate Flag, is all. Am I missing something here?

I know how to use a pencil, dammit!
Earl

May 29 - Scientists have discovered 28 new planets ----

HONOLULU--Astronomers have discovered 28 new planets outside of our solar system, increasing to 236 the number of known exoplanets, revealing that planets can exist around a broad spectrum of stellar types--from tiny, dim stars to giants.

      And we’re wondering which one Paul Wolfowitz is living on.

Wolfowitz blames media for exit

The outgoing president of the World Bank, Paul Wolfowitz, has told the BBC an "overheated" atmosphere at the bank and in the media forced him to resign.

     Rumsfeld, Bolton, and Wolfowitz – the Trifecta of Incompetence. And none of them will accept responsibility.
     Enough is enough, Boys. There’s 28 planets where you might be believed again. And, if you’re going to stick with those stories, we can arrange to have your butts blasted-off.

May 28 - The Austin American Statesman says that Lampson is NOT running for Senate. He will stay in 22nd and defend his seat.
     Let's hope Lampson's staff starts returning emails.
     I think this means that Mikal Watts is in the race, because Watts was going to be Lampson's major fundraiser if Watt didn't run himself.
     It's Rick Noriega's race to have if he wants it.

May 28 - My airmen returned home.

     But my heart aches for the daughters, mothers, and wives who cannot say that. May their Memorial Day bring the peace that passeth all understanding.

May 28 - Well, Copernicus must be resting easy in his grave. At least they didn’t make Pat Robertson the center of the universe.

THE CREATION MUSEUM, a $27-million tourist attraction promoting earth science theories that were popular when Columbus set sail, opens near Cincinnati on Memorial Day. So before the first visitor risks succumbing to the museum's animatronic balderdash — dinosaurs and humans actually coexisted! the Grand Canyon was carved by the great flood described in Genesis! — we'd like to clear up a few things: "The Flintstones" is a cartoon, not a documentary. Fred and Wilma? Those woolly mammoth vacuum cleaners? All make-believe.

     As John Mayer, the young American poet says, “Belief is a beautiful armor, but makes for the heaviest sword.” Or as Thelma, my favorite poet/philosopher says, “These people are nuttier than pecan pie.”
     These folks have one darned little tiny God. And they ain’t gonna be happy until you do, too.

Hi Susan,

I get to email you twice in a week! Cool! We're hearing a lot about this creation museum down here because the bloke behind it is Australian (for which I feel an unaccountable urge to apologise). He claims to have gotten the idea as a science teacher (FSM protect us all) when his students pointed out the conflict between what he was teaching and his fundie beliefs. I am relieved for the future of my country that he had to go somewhere else to get the backing, though I'm sorry for your sake that the somewhere he went was the US. There was a radio interview with him this morning in which he said that he expected "half a million people a year to visit and make up their own minds". Now, I see two things wrong with this sentence. First, the sort for people who would go to this place aren't likely to be going to make up their minds - they'll be going either to have their ideas reinforced or to sneer. Second, in a country the size of the US, with such an apparently large proportion of loopy individuals, I'd expect the Museum of Toe Jam to pull in close to half a million people a year. Or am I being unduly cynical?

Disclaimer: I teach IT and Science.

Jess

May 28 - We get email. And sometimes complaints.

Ron Paul was on Bill Maher's Real Time this week. What a shame there aren't more in both parties that think incisively about US foreign policy. I guess it's sadly ironic that we have a Republican representative that thinks like a Democrat and a Democrat who thinks like a Republican.

I've contacted Nick Lampson on several occasions to express my displeasure about his voting record in Congress and haven't even been able to generate an automatic reply. During his campaign I heard from his headquarters on a daily or more basis.

Sam

To add my two cents on Nick Lampson: let us not forget that in the early days just prior to our invasion of Iraq, Congressman Nick Lampson was in Turkey, urging that country’s leaders to allow us to use Turkey as a northern staging area for our military campaign. Nick Lampson supported the war, once again proving that even Democrats can be sadly mistaken. (And surely we can find a better Democratic candidate to run against John Cornyn.)

Dennis
League City

May 27 - This is a public service announcement for locals. The best kept secret in the county is the Needville Farmer’s Market. Located directly across Highway 36 from Needville High School (look for the signs), it’s open every Thursday from about 4:00 until everything’s sold. Get there early.
     You can buy free range eggs, fresh produce, goat milk, special ground coffees, and even some hand lotion that would make an alligator cuddly.
     Put a note on your calendar to get down there next Thursday, but anybody who buys all the corn or peaches before I get there is a very bad person.

May 26 - Oh, you just gotta love the Texas Lege, especially Speaker Tom Craddick. They had a World Federation of Politics last night.
     House members, mainly Republicans, are trying to remove Craddick from the speakership.

Earlier, the Texas Eagle forum sent out an emergency message to members claiming a "coup d'etat" was taking place in the House and urged members to call Republican lawmakers to pledge loyalty to Craddick.

  Now, that’s funny. The Texas Eagle Forum, calling it a coup d’etat. I thought they only spoke German.

Texas Department of Public Safety officers took positions outside the House to be ready if called upon to restore order.

"This was a scene out of Lord of the Flies," said Rep. Joaquin Castro, D-San Antonio.

     Joaquin was closer than anybody to being right with the Lord of the Flies reference - pre-teen boys stranded on an island, struggling for power, yep – The Lege.

Legislators charged toward the dais shouting, ''No! No! No!'' as Craddick walked off toward his office behind the House chamber.

Rep. Rick Noriega, D-Houston, attempted to get to the microphone on the dais, he said, to continue the rules discussion, but was blocked by House sergeants.

     Good Lord, Rick has faced down Afghan Warlords, which makes him uniquely prepared to be in The Lege. Rick is about 5 foot, 17 inches. If I saw him coming, I’d move.
     The night ended with Craddick and the lovely Nadine going back to their manufactured home in the Capitol. That’s a real shame because this State has enough stoopid people without making their king Speaker of the House.

Re: World Federation of Politics

Now that, I'd watch. I'd even pay for the privilege. I still think the Taiwanese would come out ahead on points, though.

Jess

May 25 - My band, Bitchin’ Betty and the Sequined Backhoes, had a practice session this afternoon. I asked them to pose for pictures for the website, but this is the best they’d do. Seems they’re afraid of creepy Republican stalkers lately, and then there’s that whole Dean Hrbacek running for Congress thing. Made everybody’s mascara run. Yes, it did.


     We ran out of sacks for Sara and Helen, so they just acted disinterested. Not hard to do in this group.
      We’re working on a tune for somebody to use to run for Precinct 1 Commissioner. It’s harder than Chinese algebra to come up with negative words that rhyme with Stavinoha, however, stay-a-ho-uh comes close.
     And yes, we're trying to get Ann to use a glass instead of drinking from the bottle.

Now Susan, that's pathetic. You think we all don't recognize those ta-tas from a mile off? We've seen the band perform you know. There's only one person in the back row smart enough to hide the dead give-aways.

Roy

My sisters were all jealous when they saw the bag ladies photo...Mum was wondering why we didn't all draw faces on them? Next time, Mum. She got a big kick out of seeing herself on your Big Blue pages. Anyway, remember how we were talking about email responses from our Congressman? I got home after the infamous lunch to find one from Nick in response to my last newsflash to him. So things must be getting organized...

Fenway Fran, Bag #2 from the left

May 25 - In my home of Fort Bend County we have three Congresscritters. Two of the three, Republican Ron Paul and Democrat Al Green voted not to give George Bush carte blanche and a bag of candy on this war. They voted NO. That took courage, conviction and selflessness. Good on ‘um.
Our third Congressman, Nick Lampson, who wants to run for Senate as a Democrat but be elected as a Republican, was the only one to vote yes. That is why all the wheelin’ and dealin’ is going on to try to insure that Lampson doesn’t have a Democratic primary opponent for the Senate race. Like the answer, he’s blowin’ in the wind. Or maybe he's just blowin'.
I'm told that I live in one of the most conservative areas of Texas yet 2/3 of my Congresscritters want out of this so-called war.

     Dear Susan,
   You certainly do have an interesting variety of congressional fauna in your county. You've got that rarest of all birds in the form of Ron Paul who is afflicted by a galloping STD (Straight Talking Disease) which would have ended his political life long ago were anyone to start taking him seriously. Al Green is another slightly odd duck -- transplanted from Louisiana, he rooted deeply in Texas and might happily have remained an obscure Justice of the Peace if old Tom's redistricting hadn't made it tough for his predecessor. The only one of the bunch who acts like a normal politician is Nick Lampson who was elected on the strength of being someone other than Tom who was actually on the ballot.
   I think you need to go back to being an independent. Then you'll be free to choose the lesser of the two weevils put up by the Repugnican and Democrapic branches of the Money Party or to follow the advice of Bob LaFollette who said he would much prefer to vote for what it wanted and have it lose than to vote for something he didn't want and have it win.

Don A.

Hi Susan,

I see Nick Lampson has gone and joined the Bohica Party. The Democrats elected him but he goes by the philosophy, "Reward your enemies and punish your friends--because you can ALWAYS get new friends!"

Here's a really vicious war propaganda poster I found in an internet article. There's no brand on it, contrary to custom, so I have no idea where it's from. So hey, finders-keepers, I always say. It really skewers the Homefront Jingos.

Earl

Susan,

I'm a Democrat and I'm with you. Lampson can kiss my big blue butt, too. I worked hard to get that man elected and I haven't heard a word from him since election day.

Jean

May 24 - Well, now they’ve got me all hacked-off again with this “under God” thing they want to put in the Texas pledge.

The words "under God" would be added to the Texas Pledge of Allegiance under legislation the House approved Wednesday and sent to Gov. Rick Perry. The House agreed with changes the Senate made to the bill.

With the new version, the Texas pledge would be: "Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one state under God, one and indivisible."

Thousands of Texas school children recite the pledge every day as required by a previous state law.

          Why stop there? Why not add “under God” to The Eyes of Texas, or San Antonio Rose, or Lubbock in My Rearview Mirror? Okay, so maybe “Thank God” should be in Lubbock in my Rearview Mirror. I'll give you that one.
     This whole bill is insulting to God and to Texas.
     Texas’s best newspaper editor, Archer Fullingim, once explained that God lives in Big Bend, Jesus lives near Austin, and the Holy Ghost lives in the Big Thicket. Archer was right. Adding 'under God' to the Texas pledge is like a putting a neon sign on the Alamo.
     By the way, if you call yourself a Texas Democrat and don’t know who Archer Fullingim is, shame on ya. Click the picture to buy a copy.
     And, yes, that's my pink leather briefcase behind the book. What would ever make you think that I didn't have a pink briefcase?

May 24 - Okay, you know the panic button we had installed last week?
     Hit it.
     Wolfowitz’s girlfriend is taking a walk. She’s Dear Johned him, split the blanket, and left him lonely.
     I was never one to whine that Wolfowitz’s girlfriend was getting special privileges. If that woman kept him from getting antsy, I was willing to give her all the money.
     Think about it. If Wolfowitz is this maniacal and he’s getting some release, can you imagine Wolfowitz … well, all bottled up?
     Now he’s going to be in a really foul mood. He’s probably marching over to the White House with a whip right now, with plans to bomb Iran by morning. We’re going to have to sacrifice a virgin or something. This is serious stuff.

May 24 - We get email. Even from Robert ---

Hi Susan:

Looks like Crazy Andy's crusade against any and every thing naughty has metastized to Lubbock where the Asst. DA saw fit to bust a clerk at a lingerie store.

An obscure law sends one local lingerie store clerk to jail. And now she may forever have to register as a sex offender. The lingerie store, Somethin’ Sexy was raided by police last week for violating Lubbock`s sexually oriented business ordinance.

I know everything's supposed to be bigger in Texas, but idiots in public office ain't something to be proud of...

Speaking of Andy Meyers, his website is still under construction because he has so many achievements to note. From his "About" page comes this fascinating tidbit:

(Andy is) Responsible for installation of the first traffic signals the county has ever installed to improve safety and control traffic.

Andy, thank you! Finally, traffic signals to improve safety and control traffic. All in one signal!
Such an improvement compared to the non-Andy signals which were installed to irritate me
and collect revenue.

Glad you're back!

Robert

NOTE FROM SUSAN: Everybody but Momma needs to go read the article. It's a hoot.

Susan,
From the link that Robert sent:

"If they tell them this is a candle put in on the birthday cake this is a novelty if they tell you to use it to enjoy sexual gratification, its no longer a candle on the birthday cake" says Assistant D.A. John Grace.

I guess I can call it a birthday candle if that makes it legal, but I don't think I'd want it on top of my cake, all lit up! And I won't even start on having a "candle" for every year I've been alive!

Stephanie up in Arlington

May 23 - Just what I suspected long ago – Bush and DeLay have ruined it for Texans everywhere. It’ll be a month of Sundays before a Texan ever gets in the White House again, and that’s a shame because there’s some folks here who are smarter than a tree of owls and real nice people, too.

At the Capital Q, a Washington barbecue joint festooned with photos of Texas politicians and other Texana, proprietor Nick Fontana said he encounters occasional hostility about his native state.

"A lot of people hate Texans," he said, "but I'm used to that. You just kind of deal with them. If Tom DeLay does something stupid or they are not happy with the war, they judge all Texans by that."

Chris Patterson, president of Austin Grill, a chain of Texas-themed eateries in the Washington area, said whatever impact Texas has had on life in the capital has dried up.

"What it did for business initially was give us a nice little push because there was a big hoopla about Texas and there was a good buzz about Texas at that time," he said, recalling a "fairly significant increase in sales" when Bush came to town.

But now it's yesterday's news.

"There is no Texas thrill. It's gone," Patterson said.

I’m wondering if there’s a way we could make Bush admit that he’s really a Yankee boy from Maine.

Hold on a minute, Miss Susan. Don't saddle the good folk of Maine with GWB. The chosen one (by the Supreme Court, that is) was hatched in New Haven, Connecticut.

And your fans might enjoy this.

Kerr

So! Bush is going to live in Dallas (surely they mean Highland Park) after he's finally out of office? Couldn't be a better place for him. The only livestock around: the bronze longhorns, horse and cowboy put up in Old City Park to please convention visitors. To some future legislature: consider a bill to declare the entire Dallas area a city state. Give the rest of Texas a rest! Send mail to: Dallas, Dallas, 752666.

Your friend,
An escaped Dallas dweller

Hi, Susan....well, I just got the most gawdful awful flash from my teen years while attending a West Hollywood, Ca highschool the day JFK was assassinated.

We were dismissed for the day, and while on my way out of the building, a girl came up to me and asked...."aren't you from Texas?"

It never even occured to me that my fellow students would try to lay the murder of JFK on me, but they did. I was spit on and harrassed until a friend showed up and escorted me out. Who knows what they may have done.

So, when folks turn vicious down your way, just remember it can always get worse.....So sorry for your peril in those parts thanks for the terrible toad turd named GWB....

Norma in Carmel

May 23 - Several folks have emailed me and one even called me last night just as The Daily Show was coming on (oh horrors!) to tell me that The Hill says Tom DeLay's house was raided by the FBI.

The postponements may be bad news for former Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas) and Rep. John Doolittle (R-Calif.), who had close ties to Abramoff and whose Northern Virginia homes the FBI recently searched. Since the searches, both Doolittle and DeLay have vehemently defended themselves and lashed out at the FBI, demanding that agents “fish or cut bait” in their investigations.

     It didn't sound right to me. If the FBI raided Tom's house, I think I would have heard about it and at least made a mental note that at least somebody in this government is doing their job.
     Sure 'nuf. This morning, The Hill changed the story. It was an editing mistake.

May 22 - I’ve got a friend who says that life is like square dancing – just about the time you start to get into the swing of things, somebody changes direction on ya.
     That may not be a total definition of life, but it sure describes the Texas State Legislature.
     I subscribe to Harvey Kronberg’s Quorum Report. If you don’t, you should. It’s about the most reliable source of information on the Lege and Texas politics. Some of the stuff there is free for you to look at – but the really good stuff costs money because Harvey likes to eat, and he’s grown fond of air conditioning and shoes.
     Today it seems that every Republican in the Lege has decided to run against that scoundrel Tom Craddick. I get an email update from Harvey about every 15 minutes with the name of another Republican who wants to run against Craddick.
     Now all this is really odd, because Craddick got elected to the Speakership when this session started and even some pretty rotten Democrats supported him, but his supporters are dropping like hail off a tin roof.
     And in a “No shoot, Sherlock” moment, Representative Bryon Cook made a speech “complaining that the convergence of money, power and influence were corrupting the speakership and the House.”
     Hey Bryon, whose brain did you borrow for that realization? People using crayons as writing materials figured that out long ago.
     You can bet that Tom and Nadine ain’t giving up their fancy new digs without a fight. Nadine worked real hard to put a teevee set beside the settee at just the right angle. Ole Nadine will be chasing Tom all over the Capitol with a broomstick should his bad politics cause her to move out of her new apartment!

May 22 - Okay, I’m not saying that God is really hacked-off at what the Super DeLux Brand Christians are doing to Sweet Jesus’ teachings, but … okay, maybe that is what I’m saying.

The nuns at Mother Cabrini Shrine in Golden were thanking God on Sunday that no one was hurt when a bolt of lightning shot out of the sky and struck their 33-foot statue of Jesus.

The lightning bolt broke off one of Jesus' arms and a hand and damaged one of his feet, sending marble plummeting to the ground during a Saturday afternoon storm.

     Or, maybe Jerry Falwell is sending a message from … well, you know, the other place.
     Heck, if Jesus appearing on the laundry room floor is a sign, then this sucker is a real attention-getter!

May 22 - You folks from foreign states may have heard about our newest Texas hero – State Senator Mario Gallegos. Senator Gallegos is recovering from a recent liver transplant.
     Against his doctor’s orders, he has set up a sick bed 100 feet from his desk on the Senate floor in Austin to be the deciding vote to block the discriminatory Voter ID bill that the Republicans are viciously determined to pass, come hell, high waters, or dead Senators. Burnt Orange Report has the details.
     However, it is my friend, Judge Susan Criss of Galveston, who writes with eloquence and conviction about those who cleared the path for us all. Take time to read it. It is a strong tribute to Senator Gallegos.
     Judge Criss and I share a love of “A Patriot's Handbook.” Here’s my well-worn copy, complete with coffee stains, next to my reading chair. It stays there because I read it too often to put it back on the shelf. Okay, that and I'm lazy.
     If you don't have a copy, give yourself a wonderful gift of this book.

May 22 - Sorry I’ve been away from the keyboard for a few days. Bubba paid the ransom and I’m back.

     Okay, some folk have been asking which local County Commissioners are up for re-election this time ‘round.
     The positions up for election in 2008 are Commissioners 1 and 3, and that would be Commissioner Tom “Hula Man” Stavinoha and Commissioner Andy Meyers, who you don’t even need a nickname for because his name has become synonymous with weirdness in government. When somebody does something weird in government it’s called “an Andy Meyers,” as in: “Jim Bob stepped over a five dollar bill to pick up a dime. He pulled an Andy Meyers, by golly!”
     Stavinoha has been a gosh-awful Commissioner lately: he was the deciding vote on the damn electronic voting machines, giving his relative a taxpayer financed boondoggle, a trip to Hawaii (he paid the airfare after people pitched fits but we paid the rest), constantly has his hand out to vendors and developers for tickets to the ballpark and rodeo, didn’t oppose the 18 story landfill, and I’m just getting warmed-up because this guy is eaten-up with self-importance.
     Stavinoha will probably face opposition in his own primary. If it’s a popular figure from Needville, Stavinoha will be put through a meat grinder so badly that even his family won’t recognize him when he comes out the other end.
     Also, remember that Democrat Veronica Torres got 47% of the vote in precinct 1 so a Democrat could beat Stavinoha if there’s a popular Democratic presidential candidate. He’ll probably be facing both a primary and general election opponent. If anybody needs a $100,000 a year part-time job with excellent perks, contact your Party officials.
     Andy Meyers is a whole ‘nother story. He probably can’t be beat. Precinct 3 is bizarre, Dude. That’s Tom DeLay country. Those folks pay Tom DeLay to sweep their swimming pools because they think he can walk on water. You’d think the kids in Katy would have challenged him by now, but the Republicans in Katy are a mess. They can’t get organized and can’t get anybody elected from there. That works to Andy’s benefit.
     It’s kinda fun to poke Andy with a stick every now and then because he always does something wildly bizarre, like putting up signs that even make Republicans cringe or goes off on a wild tangent about female elected officials. Check out his website. Been that way for months.
     The Lege will be deciding if we have an early primary or not, so you better be making up your mind pretty soon if you want a cushy government job where you can give yourself payraises at whim. Sounds like a deal to me!

Probably not suitable to link to a "family" blog, but a must-read for all familiar with Hot Tub Tom.

Best regards,
Bruce

Dear Bruce,

I was raised with only brothers and gave birth to three sons. Nevertheless, that grossed ME out.

Susan

Eeeeew!

Doesn't say much for the flight attendant's judgment either.

Paul

May 20 - On Saturday night, I got to have dinner with my favorite Democrat - Evelyn Burleson, Democratic County Chair of Calhoun County.
     Evelyn got famous recently by explaining, “Conservatism is just a political justification for being stingy!”
     I'm gonna tell you Republicans out there something - you can mess with Texas. You can even mess with the State Lege, but don't you ever even consider messing with Evelyn Burleson. She will whip your butt.
     Evelyn is Texas Democratic womanhood at its finest. She is my favorite Democrat.
     And don't even get Evelyn started on her new State Representative Juan Garcia. She thinks he's all that. Evelyn's right, of course, he is.

Evelyn was even more right than she knew. Seen this?

Doyle

May 19 - We get clever email.

Susan,

One of the best stories this morning at our Democratic meeting was told by a woman who was just elected to the Pearland school board. The superintendent of schools called her up to congratulate her and then inquired about her religious beliefs. The new board member's response was, "My father was Catholic and my mother was Anglican and they taught me that people who ask about other people's religion are the result of bad breeding."

Sam in Pearland

Nothing like this surprises me when it comes to Pearland. It wasn’t too long ago that the city manager and police chief (I think I am correct) both left their city jobs and went to work for some Baptist mega-church in Pearland. Religion matters there.

Maybe the superintendent was just calling to find out whether kosher snacks should be available for their meetings.

Another very good reason I avoid that city like the plague.

Love the blog (I know, it isn’t a blog, still love it.)

Dennis
League City

May 19 - Well, ain’t we got fun!
     The Party of family values is using the bad word again.

At a bipartisan gathering in an ornate meeting room just off the Senate floor, McCain complained that Cornyn was raising petty objections to a compromise plan being worked out between Senate Republicans and Democrats and the White House. He used a curse word associated with chickens and accused Cornyn of raising the issue just to torpedo a deal.

Things got really heated when Cornyn accused McCain of being too busy campaigning for president to take part in the negotiations, which have gone on for months behind closed doors. "Wait a second here," Cornyn said to McCain. "I've been sitting in here for all of these negotiations and you just parachute in here on the last day. You're out of line."

McCain, a former Navy pilot, then used language more accustomed to sailors (not to mention the current vice president, who made news a few years back after a verbal encounter with Sen. Patrick Leahy of Vermont).

     Okay, the English translation of Poopie del Pollo is actually an agri-business term, freely used in Texas. However, anyone who has ever been around agriculture and has actually walked in pollo poop, as I have, knows it’s about the least desirable thing on planet earth. However, I cannot picture John Cornyn actually knowing that.
     So, this event neatly and elegantly takes down both men. McCain for giving his critics ammo about his hot temper, and Cornyn for being a chicken poop of a man, which everyone knows he is.

May 18 - Lampson is telling folks that he's 99% sure he's going to run for Senate. It's just so darned embarrassing to have your Democratic Congressman go beg Sugar Land Republicans like Tom Abraham to run for his seat.
     Cheeezzzz......
     In January of last year, following Tom DeLay indictment, Tom Abraham introduced DeLay at a fawning dinner in DeLay's honor. It was reported ---

"We're with you and we support you 100 percent. We are your friend and you are ours," said Abraham who won election last year by a slim margin and since has made trips to Washington with DeLay.

     I dunno, it could just be me, but I think we could find a better Democrat.

May 18 - If you missed Tom DeLay on the Colber Repor last night, check it out.

May 18 - Pssttt…. Over here. Shhhh….listen up. Limbaugh is doing drugs again.

.... just like there's a template developing for the Republican debate last night. "How come there are no women and minorities on stage?" I guess you forgot about 2004. And I guess -- you know, the Democrats never get those kinds of questions because it's always assumed that they're fair and just, and not discriminatory and all that.

     Uh, Rush, I’ll type this very slowly so you can understand. The Democrats weren’t asked that question because there were minorities and a woman on the stage.
     My friend Bill says that Rush didn't see that in the Democratic debate because he's been doing too much of that stuff that makes you go blind.

May 18 - A big ole hug to Bennett at the Christian Science Monitor ---

May 18 - Ring. Ring.
     Hey, Commissioner Andy, it's for you. Vermont is calling.

May 17 - I recently had reason to purchase a cake for a special occasion.
     Just to mess with Commissioner Andy Meyers, I bought it from Nooky's Bakery in Sugar Land. No, I'm serious. I could have bought it anywhere but I drove all the way to Sugar Land just to hack-off Andy Meyers and the Super-DeLux Brand Chrisitians. I feel like that's kinda my duty.
     Commish Meyers thinks Nooky's is a sexually oriented business and wants to have it shut down forever because they make cakes resembling ta-tas for parties. When shutting it down didn't work, he spent county time and money trying to make them take down their sign. That didn't work either, and this mother and daughter bakery is still making beautiful cakes for special occasions all over the county.
     Nice cake, huh? And it was yummy. Raspberry filling and moist vanilla cake. I'd say it was sinfully good, but Meyers will hire a lawyer to shut down my website. Heck, he tried to make them take down a sign just because it had the word "naughty" on it.
     Or maybe it was the word "erotic" on the sign. Apparently that word makes Andy frisky, so he surmises it has the same effect on you.

     Which reminds me of an absolute true story a friend of mine tells.
     I know it’s true because I know all the parties involved.
     My friend has an 85 year old Grandmother who is a stalwart in the Baptist Church. She’s the good kind of Baptist, with a sweet, true and loving heart, not the haughty kind of Baptist.
     Anyway, my friend is a coffee connoisseur – she loves different grinds and flavors of coffee from all over the world. Her Granny, wanting to share her granddaughter’s new interest, began telling people that her granddaughter was “all into erotic coffees.”
     Well, this is a small town and it didn’t take long for word to get back to me and my friend about what Granny was telling the church, the beauty shop, the butcher, and the man who came to install her new washing machine.
     My friend was mortified. Why would Granny be saying something like that?
     It took her a full fifteen minutes to realize that Granny meant exotic.
     She called Granny immediately to tell her that she was using the wrong word. “Granny,” she said slowly and clearly, “it’s exotic coffees, not erotic coffees.”
     “Exotic, erotic, what’s the difference?” Granny wanted to know, “It’s all the same to me.”
     Granny has a point, you know.

     Anyway, the point of that story is that Andy Meyers better let that sign stay up so Grannys will know the difference.
     I guess I should mention that my friend got several serious calls from people wanting to know where to buy these erotic coffees. So, if there’s an interest, perhaps we could mention it to the ladies at Nooky’s.

May 17 - Our alert reader Karen has found an interesting article on Rudy Giuliani and the Trans-Texas Corridor. It comes from, Good Grief, Iowa!

Rudy Giuliani has been definitively tied to the “NAFTA Superhighway”, or “Trans-Texas Corridor” (TTC), according to Cliff Kincaid, of Accuracy in Media, an on-line media watchdog organization.

Giuliani became senior partner in the law firm of Bracewell & Giuliani in 2005. This law firm represents CitGo, the oil company controlled by Venezuelan Marxist dictator Hugo Chavez. As if that weren’t bad enough, Diane Grassi also reports in CommonVoice.com that Bracewell and Giuliani is the sole legal counsel for Sintra, the Spanish company awarded the contract to operate the TTC.

     No wonder Sugar Land Mayor David Wallace supports him! He's got enough underground ties to make Wallace look like a piker!

Sorry that's good grief Idaho, not Iowa. Those foreign states all look the same to me:-)

Karen

May 17 - We get email, yes we do.

Hmmm, CBS is offering a new show this fall about a prominent South Florida Cuban exile family in the rum business:

Looks like a barely fictionalized account of the bitter rivalries in the Bacardi family. Glad to see that the producer is comparing the family in the show to the Corleone family!

Presumably the show will include the family paying off a number of crooked politicians. Who's going to play Tom DeLay?

Alfredo

Dear Alfredo,

Heck, Honey, Tom can play Tom. After all, he's been playing us for years.

No, seriously, he's unemployed. The book writing bidness didn't go too well and this whole pay-to-blog deal doesn't seem to be a big money maker. And, according to his official schedule, he hasn't had diddle squat to do since March 29th. I was thinking about calling him to see if he'd come over and clean the tops of my ceiling fans.

Or, I hear that Paul Wolfowitz will be looking for work soon. He's about Tom's height. Heck, a bald spot and strut and they could pass for twins.

Susan

May 17 - Well, me and ole Bob Hebert made the Houston Chronicle today. They couldn't reach Bob for comment so he didn't have an opportunity to say something else stoopid and untrue.
     You know, if Bob keeps making up wild stories about this, like the $8.00 an hour thing or this being a "new" law or me knowing he paid it back before I filed the complaint, I'm liable to get mad.
     Bob, just hump-up and take it like an old bull in a blue norther. And quit being so damn greedy - it's unbecoming.

     There is one really cool thing about this story making the Chronicle. A hundred years from now, when my great-great granddaughter is researching the family tree and wants information about me, there it will be --- forever immortalizing that I was whoopin' up on politicians with a voracious appetite for money. I’m real proud of that.

Susan,

It's hard to understand how a county judge's campaign could generate so many bookkeeping hours for its treasurer. I would really like to know what all is required of the job.

I'm curious because the Fort Bend Herald reported that "Hebert said he paid his wife $8 an hour for bookkeeping work, and reported in his campaign filings payments to her of $5,000 and $1,200 in August and November of 2006." I crunched the numbers and that comes out to a LOT of hours she was putting in.

I noticed on the campaign report that the reporting period was July 1, 2006 - December 31, 2006, which is 26.3 weeks. I would think that she would have maybe 3 weeks off for vacation, holidays, and sick days, which would leave 23.3 work weeks (I'm assuming she's an independent contractor and doesn't get paid if she doesn't work). Working backwards to figure her hours, $6,200 paid for 23.3 weeks at $8 per hour comes out to just over 33 hours per week, which some would consider full-time or at least close to full-time.

That seems like a lot of bookkeeping work for a county judge's campaign, don't you think, especially if you look at the dollar amounts on the report?

Oh, and even if she labored the entire 26.3 weeks that would still work out to 29 and a half hours per week.

Not exactly a high-pressure, fast-paced job, huh? If somebody flipping burgers produced burgers at the same rate that she keeps books, they sure wouldn't call it fast food, now would they? And I think burger flippers only make $5.15 or so an hour compared to her $8. Maybe one of them should apply for the treasurer's job and get that raise and a chance to rest their feet.

An Observer

Actually, unless the Hearst family's DNA gets a major injection of unadulterated gray matter from some other bloodline, 100 years from now there will probably be no record whatsoever of any story the Houston Chronicle published in the first 10 years of the 21st Century. Or maybe even the last 10 months.

Already, when you search for fairly recent articles on the likes of, for instance, some guy named Tom DeLay, you tend to get links aimin' to give you news stories or editorials like these:

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/3376104.html

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/front/3626670.html

http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/editorial/2423812.html

That all lead to the same page, with a headline that says "No such article."

That's why I've contracted with a reputable cryogenics (http://www.ballaerospace.com/fac_cryo.html) laboratory to freeze-dry the digital remains of FortBendNow in the unlikely event it ever ceases publication. Need an old story? Just stir briefly in warm water.

Bob

NOTE FROM SUSAN: Bob is right. Go to my December 3rd post about John Zerwas and the story is also missing. Rats!

May 16 - We get email, stack and stacks of email ---

Good Morning!!

I just read about the new Marriage Tax s.ll..ll..ii..pp..pp..ii..nn..gg thru the Texas House yesterday.

I think it is a whole lot easier to be a Republican nowadays. The national Officials provide all the excuses that work - "I don't recall..The dog ate that e-mail..It just slipped by me." These work on a national level so why not use them in the great Texas leg? Gee what a shame that bills that would provide insurance for children or money for education don't just slip by.

But the real question is what will it take for the voting public to finally get fed up and put ALL these bozos out of work? Are these the truly the best we can come up with?

CL

Dear CL -

I am opening up Madam Susan's Marriage Counseling Service and Fried Catfish Heaven Emporium because I'm gonna get rich off this new tax.

When I saw that bill has slipped through, I thought to myself, "Well, one too many Representative's children have graduated with psychology degrees and can't get jobs anywhere." Mark my word - you heard it here first.

Susan

May 16 - Okay, it’s time to pitch a fit.
     These electronic voting machines with no paper trails were an enormous waste of money, and they hurt voter confidence badly. Republicans in Congress and on our local Commissioner’s Court shoved them down our throats even after we said we didn’t like them.
     To heck with the fact that the machines are about as trustworthy as Alberto Gonzales. They were damned and determined to make us buy these blasted machines.
     Now it’s time to admit another mistake, Republicans, and fix the problem.

Mr. Holt’s bill would require a voter-verified paper ballot in all federal elections, which means that every vote must be recorded on a piece of paper that the voter can examine to ensure that it was properly recorded. It would also require that a suitable percentage of the paper ballots be audited to verify the tallies produced by the machines. The bill allocates $1 billion for the upgrades, and has other important reforms, including tougher requirements for the testing labs that certify voting machines, which have been rife with conflicts of interest.

     It’s going cost us one billion dollars to fix your mistake. I think the Republican National Committee ought to pay it.

May 15 - So County Judge Bob Hebert says that me filing with the Texas Ethics Commission on his self-admitted violations of the law is “politics.”
     It took him 4 months to come up that? Honey, that just proves why he has a store-bought Ph.D. instead of a real one. He’s an idiot.
     Of course it’s political. Does he think Republicans would point out his violations of the law? Ain’t he been watching teevee lately?
     Somebody needs to hand black crepe over his nose because his brain is dead.
     And, just to add a cherry on the top, Hebert says I knew he had re-paid his campaign fund when I filed the complaint. How he knows what I know, I dunno. I heard third hand that he SAID he did. Bob Hebert's word and $3.75 will buy you a gallon of gas in this county today.

UPDATE: and I wish to thank the Coaster Boys for dropping by to get the news. You could have called me for a comment, ya know. You do have my phone number.
     I probably would have asked you to figure how this report (see PDF here) took Mrs. Hebert 75 hours to complete. I could do it in about 2 hours and have time left over to whip up some fried chicken.
     Bob Hebert is a greedy old man and I didn't trust him to really re-pay the money. By the way, Herald Boys, how do you know he really did repay the money? You kinda just have to take his word for it, don't you?

Hey Susan,

"I did it. I admit it. I'm the dumbest criminal on earth because I told everybody I did it," said Hebert.

ROTFLMAO, that's not the only reason you're the dumbest criminal on earth, Blubbery Bobby.

You are just all around Stooopid.

Kathy

I, too, noticed his claim of $8 an hour payments to his wife. Who does he think he's kidding!?! They file one of these reports every six months and his wife gets paid $1,200 a year. If typing and arithmetic is difficult for her, maybe Hebert should pay someone $20 a hour who can do it in 3 hours.

Elaine

May 15 - Think maybe it's the Rapture?

You know 'some people' have a theory about global warming being partially caused by all the hypocrites that are dying and going to hell. Not that I would ever say that. I blame it on the ones that are still here. :-)

Deb

May 15 - From today’s Houston Chronicle …..

Don't mess with Texas' image — at least, not if you're a filmmaker seeking money from the Lone Star State.

That's the message from Senate budget writers who approved a film-incentive measure Monday, but only after specifying that a grant may be denied for "inappropriate content or content that portrays Texas or Texans in a negative fashion."

     Well hell, why stop with just movies? You don’t think the man in the White House makes us look like a bunch of hayseeds? I mean, the man’s afraid of horses. He cries like a baby when you get him near a pony.
     You can’t be from Texas and be afraid of horses. Now there’s a law I could get behind.
     And, hey, I want to be on this committee deciding what would be considered “negative” about Texas. I think the Gov and I might disagree about a few of these things. For example, the Gov doesn’t think that snatching little kids off health insurance is exactly negative. I do.
     I think ignorant pig-headed goofballs being Governor of Texas a negative. I seriously doubt the Gov does. Seriously.
     The Gov thinks making little fartin’ noises with your armpit is hysterically funny. I don’t think it’s all that clever.
    I think Aggie jokes are funny, but they don’t get a smile from the Gov. Well, unless they include fartin’ sounds.
     I think wearing Sweet Jesus like a political button is very unbecoming, but the Gov would get “Goose Me if You Heart Jesus” tattooed on his butt if he thought it would get him one more vote.
     Somebody nominate me for that committee. Seriously.

May 14 - Thanks to our friend Bruce for the heads-up. Frank Rich has astutely observed that the Republicans have the plague. I, personally, think it’s a little more like an infestation, but I won’t quibble.

By my rough, conservative calculation -- feel free to add -- there have been corruption, incompetence, and contracting or cronyism scandals in these cabinet departments: Defense, Education, Justice, Interior, Homeland Security, Veterans Affairs, Health and Human Services, and Housing and Urban Development.

     Rich also believes that Karl Rove and George Bush are beating the GOP with a big stick over the head until the Party will have to unlace its shoes to see daylight.
     I do not know what you people expected. You elected two Texas oilmen who ain’t all that appealing to the ladies and now you’re upset that you’re getting screwed. They’re Texas oilmen – they gotta screw somebody. I’m sorry, but Monica Lewinsky has standards; she wouldn’t do it.

Susan,

Re: Monica Lewinsky

From her testimony, it appeared that Bill Clinton was the one who refused to "consummate" their relationship, not Monica. He was apparently rather scrupulous about the meaning of "sex."

Just to keep you on the straight and narrow, so to speak.

Barbara

May 14 - I'm proud to say that Uncle Clyve is finally back in style.

Don't bother shining your tasseled loafers, and leave that old checkered bowtie in the same dresser drawer with the socks that don't match.

You won't need 'em anymore. No, sir. Not in Texas.

The Texas House on Friday voted unanimously -- that means everybody -- to make bolo ties and cowboy boots the official neckwear and footwear for the whole darn state.

     I don't know 'bout you, but I don't think we needed to waste the paper it took to print this bill - kinda seems to me that some things are official without proclamation from the Lege.
     Next they're gonna make air the official breathing material of Texas. Or dirt the official ground cover.
     Lemme tell ya somethin' - Texas fellas don't need no help in dressing properly. "Dude" was a word out here long before they even heard of it in California.

I hear they stripped out an amendment that would have officially designated all Texas half-acre home lots or larger as "spreads"--because they were afraid of enabling every fool with a riding lawnmower to claim a Ranching Exemption on their property taxes!

Earl

Hi Susan,

I am shocked that the Texas Legislature has made the bolo tie the official neckgear as New Mexico already claimed that prerogative. CopyCats.

.Sybil in NM

May 13 - Heads-up! The Texas Ethics Commission has found that Fort Bend County Judge Bob Hebert has willfully violated Texas Election Law. He cannot pay his wife $6,200 for "bookkeeping services."
     Here it is in PDF format.
     It says that Hebert was "in violation of section 253.041 of the Election Code" and that he didn't reimburse his campaign or file a corrected report until after he was aware that the complainant (that would be me) was making an issue of the payments to his wife.
     I've decided that there's not going to be any more Miss Nice Susan. I'm going after these twits. All I'm asking is that they follow three rules; (1) don't lie, (2) don't cheat, and (3) don't steal too much. That isn't asking a lot.
     Another thing: ain't it funny that Republicans whine about lawyers but they immediately hire one when they've broken the law. Hebert even hired himself a fancy Austin lawyer.   We have to wait until his July filings to find out who paid for that.
     Oh, and by the way, Hebert told one local media source that it was a "new" law that you can't give campaign contributions to your wife. Yeah, if 2001 is "new." Check page 2 of the opinion.
     However, Bob has been a big help to the scientific community. He's discovered Hebert's Third law: when greed and arrogance collide, they make a big ole whopper of a sucking sound. That's science, Folks!

May 12 - It's finally dead.
     Tom DeLay has closed his campaign account.
     Final expenditure? $9,000 to fancy DeeCee lawyers.
     Final contribution? $80, Michael Matchie in Minneapolis, Minnesota (I think he made that up. Kinda like Tizzy Tillman from Temple, Texas.)
     You can buy Tom's book for $7.00 now. I'm waiting for it to go down to 99 cents.

Susan,

Don't be a fool! I'm holding out until he starts PAYING people to read it. He'll probably end up like Henry David Thoreau, whose publisher shipped the unsold stock of books to the author to save storage space. Thoreau boasted in the privacy of his Journal, "I have now a library of nearly 900 volumes, over 700 of which I wrote myself."

I hear that DeLay's book is so turgid that it makes Mein Kampf seem like "a quick read."

How's this? Laura IngraHAM was interviewing DeLay about his book, and she asked him about "the man who saved your life," or something like that. Well, I knew she was referring to the Congressman who showed Tom that Christian videotape that supposedly made him a better family man--the story is so cloying that you HAVE to remember it. But ole Tom had NO idea what she was talking about! He hemmed and hawwed until she finally had to tell him WHICH saccharine fable she was referring to. Which raises the question, forget whether he wrote his own book--did he even bother to READ it?

Poor Tom, he's on that slippery slope between joke and bad joke! Slide, Tom, Sllliiiiiiiddddeee!

Earl

Do not even buy the book for 25 cents!

Get it from the library!

Why would you want to inflate his numbers so God forbid, he'd get it into his head to write another!!!

Diane Duffy-Patyjewicz

My hat's off to Earl. He was able to use "turgid" and "DeLay" in the same sentence and nobody snickered. Way to go!

Sam

May 12 - Election day fun! And you thought Gary Gates listing a felon as a supporter was odd?
     Ken Bryant, who ain't the brightest light on the Christmas tree, sent out endorsements from people who do not even like him.
     I know that Ken does have legitimate supporters. Somewhat appropriately, however, most of them won't use their real names.

As a bare-knuckles Fort Bend Independent School District Board campaign wound down, Position 7 incumbent Ken Bryant drew the wrath of several prominent officials on Friday who said he named them as his supporters in campaign literature without their consent.

     Personally, I think we should admire Bryant's restraint for not listing Mother Teresa and seven Nobel Prize winners as supporters.
     If you're wondering why Sheriff Milton Wright and Commissioner Andy Meyers are straddling the fence on this one, it's because Bryant is an African-American Republican. Even if they don't like him, they have to walk on eggshells around him because they only have three of those in this county. They don't want to piss-off their entire Republican minority caucus.

May 11 - Three words I thought I'd never say in a row: Republicans in doo-rags.

May 11 - Okey dokey, the Texas Ethics Commission has an investigation underway of why PBS&J reported giving campaign donations to our county commissioners that our commissioners claim to have never received. Somebody ain't telling the truth.
     Here's a PDF of the documents. I'll keep you informed, of course.

May 11 - I know a lot of people are watching the local Saturday elections as nervous as the third monkey on Noah’s gangplank.
    I’m working for Melissa Noriega in the Houston city council election. Melissa sits tall in the saddle, and she can march in my parade any day of the week. Melissa’s parents live in Richmond and are everybody’s favorite people.
     FBISD and Missouri City needs to throw out the incumbents. Most of them have just been sitting there rusting.
     The best reason to vote against LCISD’s Lisa Rickert? Two words: Liz Mitton. You’d think getting 23% of the vote would be a clear message, but noooo. She’s the only woman in the county hated more than I am, and hell, I work at it. Plus, she needs to get a grip and quit with the fake name and fake smile.
     But the race I’ll be watching with both eyes and a telescope is the LCISD race of Gary Gates and Richard McCarter. I’ve been praying that the Lord will find a way for them both to lose. McCarter is a twit who would bring his backstabbing brand of politics to the school board. Gates has more baggage than your average train station. He ran for State Rep and put a convicted felon on his endorsement list. Great Gobs O’ Glory, I should have moved and run as a write-in.
     Tote your cameras to the polls with you – and send me any great pictures you get!

May 11 - Remember your Momma. It's not too late to send a truly meaningful gift to her.

May 10 - Okay, so I need to shut down shop, close the doors on this place, and hit the light switch.
     Tom DeLay has become a parody of himself.

Here in the nation's capital, irony sometimes takes a heaping spoonful of steroids and facts become stranger than fiction.

The latest example? Take a guess at who's headlining an upcoming political training seminar offering "explicit discussions of ethics."

The answer is Tom DeLay, the former House majority leader who resigned last year after being indicted on campaign finance abuses in Texas and who remains under federal scrutiny in the Jack Abramoff lobbying scandal.

DeLay, a.k.a. "the Hammer," is set to kick off a May 31 Campaigns & Elections seminar, where he will hawk his book, "No Retreat, No Surrender," and talk political strategy ... and, who knows, maybe even ethics. (After all, Michael Scanlon, a former top DeLay aide who pleaded guilty in the Abramoff lobbying investigation, delivered his graduate thesis on congressional ethics last year; so why shouldn't the Hammer be able to join in the absurdity of it all?)

      Republicans must be so proud.
     I really didn't believe this so I went and found my copy of Campaigns and Elections (it arrived yesterday) and sure 'nuf, there it is.
     Click the little one to get the big one.
     By the way, it costs $600 to go to this event. That's a lot of money to hear Tom DeLay preach Christian meanness and Shannon Flaherty play Flippant for Dollars. The biggest irony is that Tom DeLay couldn't afford to attend himself. He's got more lawyers than O.J. Simpson, and he owes them all money.

May 10 - Just a reminder with everybody keeping an ear open in Tom DeLay's direction -- when something he doesn't like is fixing to happen, he starts speaking in tongues.
     No, I'm serious. It got so bad here that I wrote about it back in April of 2002 and March of 2000. It's a habit he's got. He gets nervous and his tongue shakes.
     He's calling folks Nazi's again, and the next day claims that only liberals call people Nazi's. He damn well better not be trying to charge parties. We've already got a big X by his name. And the word "Nazi," just to hack him off.

See, my theory is that it's a Freudian slip. You know how the most homophobic people are the closeted ones who are trying to deny it to themselves? I think somewhere inside Tom is a flower child. All he needs is a galvanizing experience to turn it loose. So, here's the challenge: how do we get him to engage his brain and his conscience at the same
moment?

Think there's any hope?

We might have better luck trying to talk Rick Perry into working harder on funding education than on his coif.

Dr. Doyle in Nacogdoches

May 10 - Everybody just sit tight. The Republicans may impeach him just to get rid of him. It sure would save us a lot of trouble.
     Some Republicans met with Dubya yesterday and it's reported ---

They told the president, and one said, “My district is prepared for defeat. We need candor, we need honesty, Mr. President.”

     Now I hate to be this way, but America has needed candor and honesty from the White House looooong before Republicans needed it for their political fortunes.
     Twits.

We have a tree in our backyard that has a fungus, so my yard man gave me a phone number, my wife--Melody--got one off a truck she saw in a parking lot. To get a comparison she called her # and then mine- the person answered on my # as "Gillen Pest Control." She hung up!

My question---why are so many republicans in the bug business??? Melody seems to think they are such creepy people and below the ground that it is only natural, well Iguess so---and so it goes!
Kenn
missouri city

May 10 - It’s hurricane season and the National Guard is landlocked in Iraq.
     People are worried, in spite of reassurances that we have plenty of help, just like we did in Katrina.

"I will assure you this," Colley said. "Every risk we have is covered with the resources we need to respond to it."

But officials in Houston and Harris County appeared unconvinced.

"I've been here since 8 this morning, and I've gotten three different stories" on what kinds of medical evacuation help will be available from the state, Sharon Nalls of the Houston health department said at the conference. "I'm confused. ... Be consistent with the message you give us."

     I have a solution. It’s pretty simple, really. Reinstitute the draft. No, wait. Listen to this – young Republicans will rush to join the Texas National Guard then.

May 9 - Mark your calendars for an opportunity to prove me wrong.
     Okay, so in the post this morning about Tom DeLay’s mood swings, there was another interesting tidbit:

One source familiar with the investigation said federal officials have given immunity to at least one senior member of DeLay’s political circle who may now be cooperating with investigators. Former associates of the majority leader say investigators are apparently attempting to indict DeLay for corruption by proving that Buckham sought to influence him with unearned payments to his wife.

     Now the question is: who’s talking? Ed Buckham or Tony Rudy? It’s probably one of them.
     Six months ago, I would have bet on Rudy. Rudy is slippery and would probably sell his mother for a stock tip. He’s already lost his license to practice law and he’s plead guilty to conspiracy. He's facing a ton of tribulations.
     However, I’m re-thinking this. I now think it’s Buckham, Super DeLux Brand Christian and founder of the Alexander Strategy Group. Buckham and DeLay were involved in the US Family Network – which involved pickup trucks, a Capital Hill townhouse, and a million dollars from the Russians. I’ve had some fun with them over the years.
     DeLay claims that Buckham is his minister and spiritual advisor in all things Christian and clean. You know, like bribes, skyboxes, sweatshops, and ripping-off American Indians.
     Our friend Alfredo says that if it is Buckham, “Watch for DeLay to invoke the priest/penitent privilege in the coming trial, arguing that Buckham was his religious advisor and anythng DeLay told him was privileged. It won't work, but it could drag out the legal proceedings for years.”
     However, I won't eat crow if it's Susan Hirschmann.

On a hot July day in 2002, Susan Hirschmann announced her departure as chief of staff to Rep. Tom DeLay (R-Texas). After five years of late-night votes and hard-won victories, the Alabama native had become a close confidante of the majority whip, one of the most powerful players in the Republican Party.

     There's a certain sweet justice in a woman bringing him down.

May 9 - Here's how it's done:

     Thanks to Ben Sargent.

May 9 - Poor Tom DeLay. Now he’s having to admit that he’s wife whipped.

“There are dozens of people who will demonstrate that Christine DeLay was a central cog in DeLay’s political world and was a, if not the, key adviser of ARMPAC,” said the source. “No major decision affecting DeLay was made without Christine being the protector.”

     We need to give Tom wide berth for these mood swings he’s having. One week he claims he’s not worried because Jesus is on his shoulder, and then the next week he’s flying off the handle with anxiety. Hey Tom, Bud, either there’s drugs causing that, or drugs can fix it.

May 8 - You know how I’ve said that Tom DeLay and George Dubya Bush have ruined national politics for any future Texan in our generation?
     Well, add Ted Poe to the list. Now we have the Axis of Drivel.
     Poe quoted a Civil War general during his speech on the House floor defending the war in Iraq. I don’t think he saw the irony in quoting a losing general. And there’s the added irony that the quote – Get there the firstest with the mostest – has little meaning now that Bush didn’t do that in the first place.
     And, I don’t think Poe knew squat about that general, Nathan Bedford Forrest. I least I hope not. Forrest was a founder of the Klan.
     You can see it here.
     Poe was a product of DeLay’s redistricting efforts. Tom DeLay - the gift that keeps on making us look stoopid.

May 8 - PBS&J, those same wonderful people who gave us taxpayer ripoffs, corruption with public officials, and overcharges galore, are back doing business in Texas.
     They are going to widen Highway 90 between Uvalde and Del Rio. That’s about 45 minutes of nothing. I know. I’ve driven it many times. Never got in a traffic jam on it, though.
     I’m putting this artist’s rendition of the old road and the new road so Texans can laugh. See those trees? That’s called artistic license. There ain’t no trees between Del Rio and Uvalde.

     By the way, I was informed yesterday by the Texas Ethics Commission that my formal complaint filed with them about PBS&J claiming to have made political contributions to our county commissioners which our commissioners claim to have never received, has been accepted. The paperwork is on the way and I will post it here as soon as it arrives.
     I’m not saying that the Texas Ethics Commission will do anything about it. I’m just saying that at least I’m making somebody look at it.

Texas Ethics Commission? Huh? What is that? I hope they investigate, but Texas, Ethics and Republican; in baseball that's 3 strikes and you're out.

Patrick

May 8 - Ah, the sweet scent of election season in the air.
     You can tell it's election time because the Republicans on the Fort Bend ISD school board are pandering. Again.

Board trustees Stan Magee and Ken Bryant quickly took issue with Seales’ example, saying teachers should get bigger raises. Magee suggested $2,500 to $3,000, financed in part by lower raises for administrators.

     First it was involving themselves in an individual discipline case of a minority student, now teacher salaries.
     Madam Swami Susan says that tomorrow they'll be promising Harvard on full scholarship for every child and no taxes at all!

May 8 - Okay, here’s the deal. The City of Houston has spent $1.3 million since 1997 on outside lawyers to defend its sexually oriented business ordinance.
     One point three million dollars. And that doesn’t even count the time of the city lawyers spent advising and pondering on it.
     That’s a mess of money.

City Attorney Arturo Michel said defending the ordinance has been an unusually costly and time-consuming process.

"It involved more legal work, and clearly more work with people looking at the data and preparing for trial," he said. "With most other litigation, we typically don't appropriate anything that's even close to that."

     And our county commissioner Andy Meyers and his Steeple People want to spend at least at that much over Nooky’s Erotic Bakery, where you may purchase ta-ta cakes. Nooky’s is the closest we come to anything risqué in this county.
     If Andy Meyers wants to spend money that way, I say he should pay for it out of his campaign account.
     Speaking of which, I wonder if any of Andy’s buddies who keep bragging about what a successful businessman he was before entering politics have seen his personal financial statement? (Yeah, that’s what we call a teaser in this business.)

May 7 - This is a walleyed snot-nosed hissy fit. Be warned.

     Gas will soon hit $4. a gallon.
     I don’t know why people are upset. I mean, you people elected two oil men from Texas as President and Vice President and then you want to whine when gas costs just a tad more than landing on Boardwalk with a hotel. Sissies.
     I’ve been getting these emails about boycotting gas stations on May 15^th. But, here’s the clincher: I’ve been getting them from Republicans. Good Lord, if you’re a Republican you ought to come to my house, drive my car up to the gas station for me, fill it up, pay for it yourself, and run it through the car wash on the way back. You owe me at least that much. But, no, you want me to alter my daily plans because you voted stoopid.
     Boycott, my patootie. Yeah, that’ll really scare Dick Cheney and Rick Santorium.
     Woo, woo, a million people didn’t buy gas today. Guess who’s gonna buy gas tomorrow? A million people.
     The last thing I’d do right now is take advice about gas prices from Republicans. In fact, the second to last thing I’d do right now is take advice about anything from Republicans.
     How ‘bout this? Let’s all boycott Republicans on May 15^th. Nobody talk to them or smile at ‘um. Put your thumbs in your ears and wave your fingers at them when you see one with that SUV the size of a tanker and W sticker on the back window. That’ll really hurt ‘um.

Dear Susan,

   I don't claim to be any kind of an expert on the price of gasoline.
All I know is what I read in the papers and hear on the radio where they all seem to be in agreement about one thing -- nobody seems to be trying to USE LESS GASOLINE! The refineries are running at about 90% of capacity. Some might say that this is like when the Enron folks did their best to keep supply and demand out of balance in California but given the marvelous job that B.P. and those folks up in Oklahoma have been doing at causing fires and explosions at their refineries, I suspect it's more incompetence running amok.
   Way back in 1973 when I was working in a gas station the price of regular (leaded, remember leaded?) was about 40 cents a gallon and we were instructed to limit people's purchases to 10 gallons at a time. After a while the price got so high we had to price it by the half gallon because the price calculators didn't go past 99.9 cents. Telling people they had to pay double what was showing on the dials was a real treat.
     Then Mr. Nixon came up with gasless Sunday's and THAT made a difference in people's driving habits.
   Now we've got gas guzzlers of all shapes and sizes that make claims to getting as much as 25 miles per gallon but I don't believe most of them. So when I hear people complaining about the price of gasoline, I really get peeved. I'm driving a car that gets over 35 mpg on a regular basis and all those gas hogs who are whining about how much it costs have been driving up the price for me and all the others who try to conserve. So I say "Kwitcherbitchin and USE LESS GASOLINE".

Tulips are flowering and I've had to cut the green weeds twice in the last week. Must be Spring. Can't wait for Summer when the gas prices will REALLY be high. I may have to buy a goat to keep the weeds down and a sheep to eat the grass.

Don A.

     Love your blog!

My husband and I bit the bullet and spent the money for a hybrid. We are now getting between 40-50 mpg.

I, too remember the 70's and alternate gas days. Makes me angry when people drive up in their big SUV's 12-15 mpg. There is NO REASON WHY all cars and trucks could not, should not be getting better gas mileage. The republicans should also vacuum out the cars before returning them!

Diane D

May 7 - What Hal said.
     Plus, I looked over the project list on the new mobility bonds (PDF here) and I don't see a road listed that I've ever been stuck in traffic on.

May 7 - Next they’re gonna wanna put “under God” in “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.”
     In a charming and historical argument about adding “under God” to the Texas flag salute, Bud Kennedy even says the Daughters of the Republic of Texas oppose it.
     This fifth generation Texan opposes it, too. “Texas, one and indivisible” has great historical significance. Hell, we didn’t even break into pieces while Dubya was Governor. From the looks of things lately, that appears to be a great occurrence.
     I cannot understand why self-righteous little Debbie Riddle of Tomball (Republican, of course) thinks she needs to remind people that God is in Texas when we have Big Bend, the Big Thicket, the Hill Country, Mustang Island, and the Davis Mountains. Prissy Ms. Riddle certainly belittles the hand of God.
     Hey Ms. Riddle, is “one and indivisible” too complicated for you? There’s a train leaving for Oklahoma tomorrow. Get on it.

Susan, please offer another alternative to travel via "train to Oklahoma".

We already have Sen. Jim Inhoff and he is equal to 1,429 Debbie Riddles.

Respectfully yours
Ken from Indian Territory.

Under God in "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" - -- That's a good one, as ever, however; I haven't heard "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" since about the year 2000 because now they play "God Bless America" at the 7th inning stretch.

Love your blog, I look everyday waiting to see the news that "Virginia Tom" is headed to the Grey Bar Hotel.

-BCDean
Clear Lake
Zippidy Doo Da

May 7 - Okay, Newt Gingrich – and aren’t we delighted that he’s back! – has made a list of things that the Republicans cannot talk about:

1. Iraq

2. Katrina

3. Walter Reed

4. U.S. Attorneys

     Which means there are only 4 things that Republicans CAN talk about:

1. Paris Hilton and that whole jail thing

2. How ‘bout them ‘Stros, Bud?

3. The fall tv schedule

4. The Heartbreak of Psoriasis

May 6 - He’s nuts. He’s a crook. He doesn't believe in the First Amendment. He's a damn Commie. And he’s still telling Denny Hastert what to do.
     Welcome to Republicanism at its finest ---

Tom DeLay used his new blog to vent glee over the industrywide decline in newspaper circulation. The deposed House majority leader from Sugar Land is awaiting trial on state campaign finance charges in Austin.

"The quicker outfits like The Dallas Morning News and New York Times are relegated to permanent fossil status the better," he wrote.

A day after posting the comment, he was strolling out of ex-Speaker Dennis Hastert's office. A quicker-thinking reporter might have asked for the distinction between a permanent fossil and the other kind. Instead, the query that came out was, basically, why single out The Dallas Morning News?

"What have you done to me? Read the articles," he said, smiling.

But weren't there plenty of other papers exposing the ethical transgressions, the lobbyist-paid golf trips, the strong-arm tactics involving the K Street Project?

"That's why I want them all to go away," Mr. DeLay said.

     Pssstt, Tom. Over here. Listen up, Dude. That going away part? Well …. uh …. would ya?

Hey Susan,

Where would we get our laughs if there were no more Tomboy and Newtie? So Newtie doesn't want anyone talking about the important issues of the day, huh? Ok let's just talk about the old scandals of the past like say his wives, or maybe Watergate, Iran Contra, oh we could go on and on.

Now Tomboy, that's another story..no newspapers, ok. We can still get our corruption updates on him from the internets..all of the internets not just the one approved by Tomboy and Newtie called FOX. What a couple of old time losers. They sound like they don't like free speech.

Kathy

May 6 - The fat lady ain’t singing yet, but she sure is clearing her throat.

The sons and daughters of some iconic Republicans (Ike! T.R.!) are contemplating crossing the aisle.

    Democrats: Cleaning up Republican Messes Since 1933!
     We cannot afford any more of this conservatism crapola and all of America is beginning to realize it.

Still, Michael Dimock of the Pew Research Center says that Republican party identification has dropped "quite a bit." In 2002, 30 percent of Americans identified themselves as Republicans, 31 percent as Democrats. This year it's 25 percent Republican, 33 percent Dems. Independents, Dimock says, are leaning "much more Democratic."

   Yes, siree. America can do better and even the Republicans know it!

May 4 - Well, it’s not against the rules to do the wild thing with an intern in the Oval Office, but you guys pitched a walleyed snot nosed hissy fit about that.
     Paul Wolfowitz is now saying that it’s not his fault.

World Bank directors put the finishing touches on their report into the pay raise for Paul Wolfowitz's companion as the agency's president blamed “ambiguous rules”' for his involvement in her promotion.

      I’ve made my position clear on this. Give that woman all the damn money. She’s earned it.
     Plus, if Wolfowitz is that bloodthirsty while he has a girlfriend, can you even imagine how vicious he’d be if he wasn’t getting any hoochy-koochy? He'd have to nuke something. No, seriously. He would. Nukes are just too phallic for him to let be. Do you want to be responsible for that? No? Well then give that woman all the damn money.

May 4 - Thank you to Nick Anderson for an explanation of why Republicans won't say Bush.

May 4 - I watched the Republicans last night.
     I have some questions.
     1. How come they mentioned Ronald Reagan 19 times but never said Bush even once. Okay, once.
     2. Who were the guys who raised their hands saying they didn’t believe in evolution before the camera quickly shifted away from that disturbing thought?
     3. Why do they all look alike? Is that some kind of Republican requirement?
     4. Why didn’t they have some old coot hollering, “Who you gonna abort, Rudy? Who you gonna abort?”
   5. Where did John McCain get that goshawful necktie?

Answers are:

1. Bush's name is now MUD

2.The 3 that raised their hands were Brownback, Huckabee and Tancredo-who obviously never evolved themselves.

3. They ARE all alike-rich old white guys

4. Couldn't find one who could the words out without mumbling

5. Probably chased someone down and stole it.

Mike

Right on that they are all old white guys-- but also look at the audience -- all white people, mainly old pickle people. I kept wishing Mathews would ask the question how can a group of all rich white guys could represent the nation which includes women, other races and religions. But of course never happened.

Sandy

May 3 - Christmas in May!
Grover Norquist, Mr. Conservative is rumored to be in the DeeCee Madam’s little blue book.
Okay, if DeLay is in the book, I'll spring for the Margaritas! However, Grover is certainly worth some chips and salsa.

So Susan, do you see claims of a vast left wing conspiracy in our future? A stained Gstring? DNA from the whip? I know some guys in a band who just might play for chips and margarites-what a party it will be:)

Karen

May 3 - Well, hit me with a ball and give me first base. The Republicans are questioning the patriotism of Lt. Col. (and Democratic State Representative) Rick Noriega. Damn, dumb is trickling down.
     The Texas Homeland Security Director Republican Steve McCraw sent a testy letter to Noriega questioning Noriega’s capacity to understand border security. Read the prissy little letter right here.
     Noriega, just in case you didn’t know, served most recently as deputy garrison commander of the KMTC training facility in Kabul, Afghanistan as part of Operation Enduring Freedom and as the Laredo Border Sector Commander, Operation Jump Start.
     Duh. Operation Jump Start. You’d think the Director of Texas Homeland Security would know what that is. Noriega was the border section commander. Best we can figure, McCraw ate at a Mexican restaurant once.
     Even fellow Republicans are admitting that McCraw’s letter was a “huge error,” and one State Rep offered the lame excuse that McCraw might lack people skills but that he is a good patriot.
     Patriot? Uh sure, because being a patriot is even better than being right. That comes straight from Mr. Crib Note Guy below.

When the Repubs have their debate tonight do you think they will take their hoods off or wear different colored sheets so we can tell them apart?

Sam in Pearland.

May 3 - No, really, no matter what you’ve heard, he can read. Which is a good thing when you need crib notes to say Hello.

George W. Bush holds his notes before addressing a ceremony honoring the National Day of Prayer in the East Room of the White House in Washington May 3, 2007. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque (UNITED STATES)

May 3 - I hate to toot my own horn, but it looks like I was out front on this exceptionally important issue.

Two years after writing a law requiring highway "Welcome to Texas" signs to tout the state as the home of President Bush, state Rep. Ken Paxton today passed a bill that will remove the designation once the 43rd president leaves office.

     By the way, Paxton is a Republican.

May 3 - Either he’s drinking again or eating too much fried chicken, but I liked it better when he hid out on the “ranch” and didn’t say anything at all.

     Yesterday -

By the way, in the report it said, it is -- the government may have to put in more troops to be able to get to that position. And that's what we do. We put in more troops to get to a position where we can be in some other place. The question is, who ought to make that decision? The Congress or the commanders? And as you know, my position is clear -- I'm the commander guy.

     And then this –

"Success is not no violence."

     By the way, he cannot call the Crawford land a “ranch.” Any man who is scared of horses cannot have a ranch. It’s the law.

May 2 - The headline says ----

Giuliani’s Tie to Texas Law Firm May Pose Risk

     It should read ---

Any Politician’s Tie to Anything Texan May Pose Risk

     George W. Bush and Thomas D. DeLay have made Texas akin to the plague. They should have “I Heart Oklahoma” tattooed on their butts and be dropped buck nakkid on the fifty yard line at the next UT / A&M game. Then they should be deported to Pittsburg.
     That’s my suggestion and it’s a damn good one.

Susan,

I got no problem with the first part, but deporting them both to Pittsburgh? Please. Pennsylvanians sure don't want 'em either. Heck, we saved the world from a possible President Rick Santorum and this is the thanks we get?

May I suggest Iraq? Or, since Bush loves to clear brush and stuff at the ranchette, how about the lower 9th ward of New Orleans? I'm sure there's still plenty of clean up work there that can keep them both out of trouble for a few years.

Your Dam Yankee Friend in Spring,

Lorraine

Susan,

Please tell Lorraine that Pittsburg is a town of about 5,000 mostly poor people in the piney woods of northeast Texas; add an "h' to the end and you've got the Pittsburgh where W thinks vampires get their pencils. Now I don't know how DeLay, especially, would do in Pittsburg, which is better known for hot links than hot tubs. But I've got a feeling there are probably a good many people in Pittsburg that would be able to tell both Bush and DeLay right where they should go and help 'em get there faster than they can blame Bill Clinton for, well, anything. Now, speaking of Clinton, maybe they ought to be deported to Arkansas, where they can really appreciate those tattoos. And DeLay might like Hot Springs.

From Wikipedia, on Pittsburg, Texas: "The median income for a household in the city is $24,789, and the median income for a family is $28,398. Males have a median income of $28,750 versus $20,042 for females. The per capita income for the city is $14,882. 27.7% of the population and 23.8% of families are below the poverty line. Out of the total population, 38.8% of those under the age of 18 and 14.1% of those 65 and older are living below the poverty line."

But the town paints a picture at their official site to take you back to a kinder, more genteel time.

Sue Ann

Pittsburg, Texas? Oops.

I guess I shouldn't get too excited if hubby says he wants to take me to Paris now, huh?

Thanks to Sue Ann for the clarification.

Lorraine

May 2 - I know 222 Republicans who need to send their children to the military recruiter's office today.
Our friend David sent us this to keep the President's insanity in mind:

Some historical perspective for propaganda fans:

George W. Bush, 4/9/99, Houston Chronicle:

“Victory means exit strategy, and it’s important for the president to explain to us what the exit strategy is.”

And on the specific need for a timetable:

George W. Bush, 6/5/99, Scripps Howard/Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

“I think it’s also important for the president to lay out a timetable as to how long they will be involved and when they will be withdrawn.”

I'm telling you, he's eating chicken and it's destroying his brain.

May 2 - Well, Governor Rick Perry took us to national embarrassment again. Just as I suspected he would.

     Thanks to Nick Anderson at the Washington Post.

May 1 - ARMPAC, Tom DeLay's illegitimate child, is finally closed for business.

With a final $1,400 payment to the Federal Election Commission last month settling an audit dispute, Americans for a Republican Majority then filed its termination papers with the commission April 24.

Thus ends one more chapter in the storied political rise and fall of DeLay.

     But, he hasn't hit bottom yet. No, sireee. There's more coming and you can bet your best pair of pink boots on it.

May 1 - Texas Governor Rick Perry thinks there’s just not enough crazy people carrying guns in Texas Especially in bars and churches.
     Lord, you gotta love Texas, where – in the words of Peter Gent – a gun is just an extension of man’s winkie. Apparently, Governor Perry needs an extra-long extension because he’s willing to risk crossfire just to be endowed.

Gov. Rick Perry said Monday that Texans who are legally licensed should be able to carry their concealed handguns anywhere, including churches, bars, courthouses and college campuses.

"I think it makes sense for Texans to be able to protect themselves from deranged individuals, whether they're in church, or whether on a college campus or wherever they are," he said.

     Now, if anybody knows deranged, it’s Rick Perry.
     I am opposed to concealed handguns. I think that if you’re gonna tote heat, you should have to wear it in a holster so I can see it, dammit. I want to walk the hell outta wherever you are. I don’t trust you.
     I am not anti-gun. I am anti-hiding-that-sucker.
     Okay, it’s weird enough that Rick wants guns in bars with drunk people settling arguments with more lead than a sinker factory. But guns in church? Heaven help us, when Sweet Jesus comes back, floating down from the heavens in the sanctuary, Deacon Bubba is gonna think dove season is open and pull out his winkie extension and blast Sweet Jesus all the way to the taxidermist.
     Admit it. You know that’s what would happen in Texas.

May 1 - Hmmmmmm. From Laura at the War and Piece blog in DeeCee.

Actually, this is one of those things I think I knew but forget 'til a former contact of one of the defense contractors reminded me today. But just to refresh everyone's memory, the DC Madam apparently came to the Feds attention by way of the Wilkes/Wade investigation. Which implies, her business and theirs crossed paths. "The [Shirlington] limo guys reportedly dished her to the Feds," this contact writes. "Shirlington limousine used to pick up the DC madam girls to entertain the 'boys' at the Watergate etc."

     The DeeCee Madam says that the names of several prominent lobbyists are on her list of clients. Who lobbied for Wilkes? The Alexander Strategy Group.
     Did the DeeCee Madam supply hookers to Tom DeLay at Ed Buckham's request? Just to tempt him, of course, not for actual sex. Even hookers have standards.
     Okay, if DeLay’s name is on that list, I ain’t believing that he met them in hotel rooms to read them the Gideon Bible or to hunt for those Nazis who were after him.

May 1 - Hummm…. I wonder what the fool tarnation he’s talking about?
     Okay, the Republicans are eating dog food or something, because the crazzzy talk is trickling down. Deb let us know about this little cry for help from Jim Inhofe in Oklahoma.
     Inhofe, who was appearing with Dick Cheney, misfired some brain synapses and came out with this gem:

Inhofe, speaking to the press before Cheney's arrival, lambasted Democrats for Thursday's Senate vote to begin withdrawal from Iraq by Oct. 1 and the press for "mischaracterizing" the reasons for U.S. involvement.

"The whole idea of weapons of mass destruction was never the issue, yet they keep trying to bring this up," Inhofe said.

Pressed for an explanation, Inhofe said weapons of mass destruction were "incidental" to the decision to invade Iraq.

"The media made that the issue because they knew Saddam Hussein had used weapons of mass destruction. So we knew that they were there. But that was incidental to the fact we were going after terrorist camps."

     Okay, the weapons of mass destruction came from “them” and the media?
     Jim, Honey, you need to get away from Dick. He fed you buckshot for breakfast so you’d shoot off your mouth all day.

I had to send that Inhofe/Cheney article to my old friends who I went to school with back in Tulsa (some of us managed to escape) so we could have a laugh. On the days I'm blue about Texas, I think about Jim Inhofe & feel thankful instead, even if Texas is almost as crazy. At least I don't think I've heard any of ours denying the WMD claims. Growing up there, most of us knew that Oklahoma was behind the times, but I'm amazed that anybody would fall for that "we never said that" business he's trying to pass off now. It really MUST be the water!

Stephanie up in Arlington

Susan,
I sent the link on Senator Inhofe to my friend Bob who responded thusly:

Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) in August 2002:

Our intelligence system has said that we know that Saddam Hussein has weapons of mass destruction — I believe including nuclear. There's not one person on this panel who would tell you unequivocally that he doesn't have the missile means now, or is nearly getting the missile means to deliver a weapon of mass destruction. And I for one am not willing to wait for that to happen.

Don

May 1 - My Freelancer friend sent me something this morning that you might can use, too. I don't know where he got it. He probably made it while looking for those scissors he had ....

Welcome to the website formerly known as The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston. I live in Richmond, Texas, in heart of Tom DeLay's old district. It's crazy here. No, seriously, it's triple z crazzzy.

I used to be an independent voter, but that all changed when I got to know a few local Republicans. They are meaner than 10 acres of snakes and have the ethical compass of a bank robber.

So, I decided that they could just Kiss My Big Blue Butt.

A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.

This ain't a blog. Blogs are way too trendy for me. I've been doing this since 1992, so I'm used to it even if you ain't.

Email me and I'll find a place to put it if I like it.