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April 29 - I have long contended that endorsement lists never really help a candidate.  I want to thank Rudy Giuliani for helping me prove that.
     I think most people look at endorsement lists and find people they don’t like.  That gives them a reason to support the other guy. 
     However, Rudy took a whole new approach to endorsements ---  

Republican presidential candidate Rudy Giuliani released his latest slate of New Hampshire supporters last week. One problem: Not all of them back the former New York City mayor.

Alongside a former state GOP chairman, a congressman and an executive councilor who do support Giuliani, a handful of people made the list of 125 supporters despite their objections.

     The last time I saw something like this was when Gary Gates ran for State Rep and listed anyone he ever met, including a convicted felon or two.  Poor Gates got fewer votes than he did endorsements.
     He’s running for the school board this time.

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April 29 - Just in time for your summer gift-giving ideas!
     Political signs for Republicans who haven’t yet decided what they want to be when they grow up!
     They’re cheap.  They’re easy.  They’re reversible!
     This is the front and back of the same sign.  No, I'm not kidding. 

     You need some of these signs, my friends.
     No matter what you want to run for, the issues can stay the same --- all you have to do is add a sticker with the new race.
     Run every year!  Make big bucks on campaign contributions!  Be the second or third on your block with these versatile campaign signs.
     Contact the Ken Bryant Politics and Law Palace to place your order.
     (You gotta love Nutty Ken - He's running for one thing coming and another thing going!)

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April 29 - It’s official:  “Personal reasons” is the new euphemism hoochy-koochy.
     Last Friday morning, Randall Tobias announced that he was leaving the Bush administration. 

WASHINGTON: Randall Tobias, coordinator of the Bush administration's foreign aid programs, resigned Friday, citing personal reasons.

Tobias held two titles: director of U.S. foreign assistance and administrator for the U.S. Agency for International Development. His rank was equivalent to deputy secretary of state.

     By that afternoon, the story got fleshed-out a little.

Deputy Secretary of State Randall L. Tobias submitted his resignation Friday, one day after confirming to ABC News that he had been a customer of a Washington, D.C. escort service whose owner has been charged by federal prosecutors with running a prostitution operation. 

     And then yesterday, he said he didn’t inhale --- 

Tobias resigned after ABC News contacted him with questions about the escort service, the sources said. ABC News released a statement last night saying Tobias acknowledged Thursday that he had used the service to provide massages, not sex.

     Uh huh.  Yep.  That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.  Okay, maybe not so much.

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April 29 - Okay, I don’t care who you are, you gotta feel sorry for the Texas 22^nd Congressional District.  You just gotta.  I mean, we ought to qualify for federal congressional disaster relief. 
     First, we had to suffer through a decade of Tom DeLay.  Then, DeLay resigned last April 3rd, leaving us without a Congresscritter for 8 months.
     Just when we got to thinking that anything would be better than not having any representation at all, Republican Shelley Sekula Gibbs got elected in the special election and proved us wrong.  Bless her heart, she was a disaster on rocket fuel and caffeine.  If she was in the newspaper, you could bet that something hideously embarrassing was within four words of her name.  She served a whole three weeks and managed to make a fool of herself – and us - almost daily. 
     Okay, so then we elect a Democrat, Nick Lampson, in November. Lampson has been in office for less than 5 months and he’s already talking about running for Senate. 
     Oh, for pete’s sake.  Good grief. 
     Look, I know Lampson didn’t have heart surgery on purpose last month and I’ve kept him in my prayers daily for good health, but you’d think he’d spend his recovery thinking about how to serve us instead of how to run against John Cornyn.  
     What with DeLay’s resignation, Shelley’s ego era, and Nick’s distraction with the Senate race, we’re coming up on a year of taxation without representation. 
     Lampson needs to get well, and represent this district with all his energy and no diversions.  In that order.  We deserve it, dammit.

---

April 27 - The funniest man in Texas shot a three-pointer this week.  John Kelso takes on the Lege's voter ID bill.  Put down any hot beverages or sharp object before you read it or you'll hurt yourself.
     Just a small preview so you'll know it's worth your time ---

But let's just say for argument purposes that the Republicans really are trying to keep the wrong element from voting, like maybe poor people who allegedly vote Democrat.

If that's the case, they should tweak Brown's bill and require voters to show up at the polls with:

•A new set of expensive golf clubs (with receipt for proof) and a box of Maxfli balls.

•A color photograph of the voter enjoying a cocktail in the West Austin News.

•The keys to the voter's Lamborghini

•An autographed photo of Tom DeLay stuffing money in his pants.

     Yeah, you need to read the whole thing.

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April 27 - There are people who’ve been crazy enough to ask who I liked in the Democratic Presidential debate last night.
     Duh.  The old coot from Alaska, of course.  I'm getting me a button that says, "Vote for the Old Coot."
     If my memory serves me correctly and it rarely does, I think Mike Gravel and Wayne Morse of Oregon were the only two Senators who voted against the Gulf of Tonkin resolution.  Good on ‘um.
     We had a few friends over the watch the debate and the clear winner was Geri’s lasagna.  Hands down.  Vote Lasagna.

---

April 27 - Now’s here’s a great idea.  HB 2560 ----- 

If passed, the bill would require all Texas school districts to list checking account transactions electronically. The amount, check number, payee, purpose of the expenditure and the function code of each transaction would be listed, according to the bill.

"A school district shall prominently post the electronic checking account transaction register at all times on the district's Web site for downloading by interested parties," according to the bill. "A school district shall update the electronic checking account transaction register at least once a month."

The Conroe and New Caney districts are among two Texas school districts already posting the information online. The Texas Education Agency also posts its financial records online at www.tea.state.tx.us. 

     It would probably not be a bad idea for all government agencies to do this.  It might save us a dollar or two if elected officials knew that you would know what they’re spending on consultants, travel, and donuts. 

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April 26 - You know Mr. Whitty, that mean ole man who lives down on the corner, who everybody just hates?  You know, the grumpy old guy who throws rocks at the little children when they’re leaving school and hollers at the neighbors for playing music after 7:30 in the evening?  You know him, don’t you?  He’s run off 3 or 4 wives, never bathes, and has no friends whatsoever. 
     Well, come to find out, Mr. Whitty is more popular than George Bush. 
     I have just been handed a poll by Hamilton Beattie & Staff that shows that George Bush has a negative job rating in Texas.  Overall he has 47% positive and 51% negative – in danged Texas, my friend.  Only 34% of Texans believe the country is headed in the right direction. 
     Maybe George Bush can go sit on the porch with Mr. Whitty.  But I doubt that even Mr. Whitty is speaking to him.

---

April 26 - We get email.  About Mrs. Fred and the little nasty Wolfie.

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April 26 - Just what I've been talking about.  Thanks to Jim Morin of the Miama Herald.
     Click the little one to get the big one.

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April 25 - For you out of towners, The Houston Chronicle let the city know what we knew yesterday. 
     Tom DeLay’s butt is so hot that you can bake potatoes in his pants.   

The federal probe into corruption related to disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff could be inching closer to former U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay of Sugar Land as investigators focus on a former DeLay chief of staff who later employed the Republican leader's wife.

     So, expect Tom to start talking that crazy talk again.  I still claim that he’s trying to play the martyr, but Thelma thinks the working on an insanity defense.  Verdelia, on the pother hand, thinks he’s just nuts and always has been.

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April 25 - Okay, they got the hamsters to run again down at Pepe’s Chinese Buffet and Internet Connection, so we’re back in business. 
     We had 2 inches of rain in Fort Bend County today so there’s standing water in my street, the electricity went out, and Pepe’s hamsters went on strike.  Two inches of rain.  Two.  Just in case I’m not here when the next hurricane hits – and, trust me, I won’t be – I’d like to thank our county fathers and the Greater Fort Bend Economic Development Council for nothin’.

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April 25 - Hey, before you enjoy that morning donut, here’s an appetizing thought …. 

While FDA inspections have steadily dropped in recent years, the proportion of imported food used in domestic manufacturing has skyrocketed. There is no requirement that the FDA conduct an in-person inspection before a foreign producer begins to ship ingredients to US suppliers seeking bargain-basement prices.

     And, what little FDA we have left has found cyanuric acid, a chemical used as a pool cleaner, in rice we bought from China.  So, sprinkle some Drano on that donut, Honey, and enjoy!

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April 25 - Bulletproof Baptist?
     Okay, so nobody ever said that physics is a required course at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, but you would think that the college President would know that a gun beats a hand or a belly every damn time.   

The president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in Fort Worth has told male students there that in a situation like last week's Virginia Tech shootings, he would expect them to charge the assailant, sacrificing their lives if necessary.

Paige Patterson made the remarks at Wednesday's seminary chapel service, two days after the shootings.

"All you had to do was have six or eight [students] rush him right at that time and 32 people wouldn't have died," Dr. Patterson said of Seung-Hui Cho, who went on a lethal shooting spree, then shot himself.

     Now, I’m wondering why he would say something like this.  First, it’s an insult to students who acted bravely by closing doors and holding their bodies against them.  Secondly, why only guys?  I’ve known guys who thought they were bulletproof, but that usually followed a keg of Lone Star at the Mustang Lounge.
     Why can’t women be brave?  Every Baptist child is told the story of Lottie Moon – who was a girl and a darned sight braver than Paige Patterson. 
     So we've come to this - The Baptist Theological and Rambo Seminary.
     Good Lord, idiots have stolen the Baptist Church.

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April 24 - You know those drugs that Rush Limbaugh takes?  Somebody needs to give some to Tom DeLay.  The man’s has done gone bonkers.  We should have seen this coming. 
     He thinks Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi are guilty of treason.  Never mind that he made the same criticisms during Kosovo.  Never mind that he hasn’t read the Constitutional definition of treason.  Never mind that his botox is starting to slip and he look funny.  No, never mind all that.
     I just saw Tucker Carlson and Pat Buchanan making fun of him.  You know you’re nuttier than squirrel poop when those two are making fun of you.  It don’t get no lower than that, Honey.
     Okay, I have been following Tom DeLay for twenty years.  I can tell you exactly what he’s doing.  I’ve seen this pattern a hundred times.
     Tom DeLay is talking crazzzy so that when the DOJ indicts him for God-only-knows-what-all-he’s-done, Tom DeLay will stand up and say, “I’m being indicted for speaking my mind.  They are trying to shut me up.”  He will paint himself a martyr --- again. 
     I will bet my best pair of pink boots on it. 
     You heard it here first.
     I'm perfectly serious.  Buy a ticket and watch.

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April 24 - Let me just say this one thing, please.
     Jessica Lynch, you are a hero in my book.  Not completely for what you did serving your country, although that too, but what you did and said with dignity, honor, and courage before the House Committee today.   

Lynch, then an Army private, was badly injured when her convoy was ambushed in Iraq. She was subsequently rescued by American troops from an Iraqi hospital but the tale of her ambush was changed into a story of heroism on her part.

Still hampered by her injuries, Lynch walked slowly to the witness table and took a seat alongside Tillman's family members.

"The bottom line is the American people are capable of determining their own ideals of heroes and they don't need to be told elaborate lies," Lynch said.

     At a very young age, you recognize what the men in power in our country do not – Americans can be trusted with America. 

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April 24 - If Tom DeLay doesn’t feel the devil’s breath on his hiney, it’s only because he’s already lost his hiney in the book selling business.
     The DOJ is finally going after those who helped Abramoff in the Northern Marianas.

 Yet another shoe drops in the Jack Abramoff investigation. A former aide to Rep. Don Young (R-AK), Mark Zachares, looks set to plead guilty to corruption charges.

The Justice Department filed a criminal information today on Zachares, laying out the facts to which he'll be pleading guilty.

     Oh the joy of discovering everything DeLay did in the Marianas.  He’ll probably have to write a whole ‘nother kiss and tell book.

     But even Tom could learn some lessons in spinning from U.S. Rep. Tom Feeney of Florida, who is using the “my name was just in the newspaper” defense.

U.S. Rep. Tom Feeney of Florida said Monday that the Justice Department has asked for "more information" about his ties to convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

But the Oviedo Republican said he is "not a target" and is "voluntarily cooperating" with federal authorities, who have expanded their influence-peddling investigation in recent days to other associates of Abramoff, jailed for bribing public officials.

     Now wait – it’s coming.  Hold on to something.

"The Justice Department is wrapping up its investigation and they want to talk to everyone who has been mentioned in a newspaper article," Feeney said.

     Wheeeeee...... Boom!
     Okay, you gotta wonder.  Is that what the DOJ told Feeney to get him to talk, and is Feeney stoopid enough to think all the rest of us will believe it?

     And Deb points out that we’re up to two a day now.  The Republican Party:  Doing their part to keep DeeCee trial lawyers employed! 

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April 24 - We get more email.  Rick Perry, of course.  And, no, I don't make this stuff up.  These are real people - at least, best I can figure.

April 23 - We get email.  About David Wallace.

April 23 - Okay, you gotta wonder --- what Senate interview did they show Bush?  It certainly wasn’t the same one that the rest of America saw.   

"The attorney general went up and gave a very candid assessment, and answered every question he could possibly answer _ honestly answer _ in a way that increased my confidence in his ability to do the job," Bush said.

     I cannot even imagine the dirt that Gonzales must have on Bush.  At this point, I would not be shocked to learn that Gonzales has a stained blue dress.   

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April 23 - This is so great!  This guy ---  

this one right here --- Bobbie Eberle, Jeff Gannon’s former boss, defeated candidate for Vice Chair of the Texas Republican Party, and writer of a column called “The Loft”  (no, seriously, that’s what he calls it), just called Democrats “wimps.” 
     I could whip his butt with both hands tied behind my back, barefoot, and give him a three punch head start.  And, gee, I hit like a girl!
     Wimps?  This guy called me a wimp? 
     Look, if there’s pictures of you with a famous self-admitted homosexual prostitute doing rightwing radio, then you don’t need to be calling anybody else a wimp.  Oddly, that’s not codified into law anywhere, but we still expect you to know it. 
    Wimp.  Hey, Eberle, bring it on.
 

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April 23 - Whoa, wait.  Hold on a minute.  What the heck am I reading here? 

The Food and Drug Administration has known for years about contamination problems at a Georgia peanut butter plant and on California spinach farms that led to disease outbreaks that killed three people, sickened hundreds, and forced one of the biggest product recalls in U.S. history, documents and interviews show.

Overwhelmed by huge growth in the number of food processors and imports, however, the agency took only limited steps to address the problems and relied on producers to police themselves, according to agency documents.

Congressional critics and consumer advocates said both episodes show that the agency is incapable of adequately protecting the safety of the food supply.

     Uh, when did this happen?  Certainly some of that money we’re spending on Homeland Security would also be used to check the food supply.
     And ConAgra?  What price did they pay for hiding their records?  Why, only a dividend to their stock holders announced last week. 
     The next time a Republican talks to you about market forces or self-regulation, you have my full permission to force feed them some peanut butter.

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April 22 - I wonder if she needs a high-paying job or something ....

     Senator Fred Thompson's wife allows some peeks at the While House Correspondent's Dinner.
     And, no, I still do not know where her pole is.

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April 22 - You just gotta wonder - if Jesus comes back tomorrow, will he recognize his loudest followers?
     The Fort Worth Star-Telegram has an article this morning about so-called Christian lawmakers in Austin acting like Jesus was a mean ole codger.

Another has bills banning chemical dependency clinics within 1,000 feet of a church and enhancing the penalties for prostitution that close to a house of worship.

     By the way, if you read this article you need to know that The Texas Eagle Forum is a group of women who've never read the New Testament or the Constitution. 

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April 22 - Okay, this is what I want to be when I grow up. 

Venus Ramey has earned lots of fame in her 82 years.

She was Miss America 1944 and later a candidate for Cincinnati City Council and worked to save Over-the-Rhine's historic buildings. She performed on Broadway and in movies.

Now, though, she's in the news for another reason.

After confronting a man she said was stealing from her Kentucky farm, Ramey pulled out a gun and shot out a tire on his truck so he couldn't leave, allowing police to arrest him and two others.

     And these are the guys I want to date.

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April 20 - I wonder if bananas fit the terrorist profile.  Thank goodness we had the polcie on this one!

A Midland man was charged Wednesday after allegedly stealing a banana at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport.

According to an arrest affidavit, an airport security guard caught Jeffrey Willard Smith reaching through a locked gate at the Waterloo restaurant inside the terminal. Smith, 49, took the banana, sat down at Gate 10 and ate it, the affidavit said.

Airport police identified Smith after he'd boarded the plane and arrested him. Smith has been charged with burglary, a felony that carries a maximum punishment of two years in state prison.

Smith could not be reached for comment. It's unclear whether he made his flight.

     Whoa boy, wouldn't you hate to go to prison and have to tell Bubba, your cell mate, that you're in for banana-eating?

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April 20 - Texas Senator John Cornyn is drinking whatever John McCain was drinking.
     On CNN this morning, he said that Al Gonzales is incompetent and maybe even lied, but he should stay in office “because the Democrats aren’t gonna be satified with resignation by Al Gonzales.”  And then he accuses Democratic of being political. 
     Maybe he’ll go poof with Bush or pluck some chickens or something. 
     Am I getting smarter or are Republicans getting dumber?

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April 20 - And speaking of Republican wives, The Wall Street Journal reports that Tom DeLay is still under the nakkid bulb at the station house.

Exiting From the Game Doesn't Dispel Clouds

CORRUPTION PROBES keep going even after some players leave Washington.

FBI agents continue to interview aides to former Rep. DeLay, offering immunity in exchange for testimony, individuals close to the investigation say. Justice officials ask whether former aides paid the Texas Republican’s wife $3,200 a month for a no-show job at their lobbying firm. DeLay, who retired last year, is on a book tour.

     Speaking of book tours, DeLay's book still isn't even on Amazondotcom's Top 100 Political Non-Fiction books. Good Lord, John Kerry and Bill Bradley are beating him!
     However, I might should have looked for his book in the fiction category.  I understand he writes about how good looking he was while he was in the Lege.  Humm ... I think I have pictures somewhere.

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April 20 - Roll Call is reporting that another member of The Republican Wives’ Club may be in trouble.  

In a second blow to House Republicans this week, the FBI raided a business tied to the family of Rep. Rick Renzi (R-Ariz.) Thursday afternoon as part of an ongoing investigation into the three-term lawmaker.

Details of the raid on Patriot Insurance Agency in Sonoita, Ariz., were not immediately available. Renzi’s most recent financial disclosure form lists the business as an asset belonging to his wife, Roberta, and valued at $1 million to $5 million.

     But, most importantly to democracy ---

As a result of the raid, Renzi is stepping down from his seat on the House Intelligence Committee, according to a statement from his office obtained Thursday evening by Roll Call.

     We don't need to beat these guys at the polls, because they're dropping out like spotters on a Dick Cheney's game hunt.

     John Doolittle has resigned from the Appropriations Committee. 

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April 19 - And they said we don't allow jackasses to testify in court.  Well, that' just wrong.

DALLAS - Faced with complaints that his donkey was too loud, Dallas attorney Gregory Shamoun decided to bring his case directly to the court: He had the donkey testify.

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April 19 - Oh please somebody stop this man.  Bomb Iran?  Oh Honey, a Beach Boy he's not. 
     John McCain ended his right to be taken seriously when he took his Baghdad stroll.  He now seems determined to make us all say, "tak, tsk" whenever he opens his mouth.

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April 19 - We were all relieved to get rid of Tom DeLay, and it’s hard to complain when your Congresscritter is a Democrat, but ……
     This is an enormous disappointment. 

Concerned by the troop withdrawal timelines in a huge war funding bill, U.S. Rep. Nick Lampson is among a cluster of House Democrats urging Speaker Nancy Pelosi to back away from a showdown with President Bush.

The Stafford Democrat voted last month for the $124 billion spending bill, which included a requirement for the withdrawal of combat troops from Iraq by September 2008.

     Yikes!  I hope Nick Lampson is not going to say he was for it before he was against it.  Or maybe Shelley’s crazy email got to him.
     My feelings moved from disappointment to embarrassment, however, when Lampson said ….. 

 "It sickens me to know that I am a part of this body that would rather play politics rather than come up with the right kind of solution that this country can go forward with," he said. "This isn't a game of gotcha. This is real war, with real people dying every day."

     Yet, isn’t playing politics exactly what Lampson is doing?  To point his finger at other Democrats takes more gall than guts.  In fact, these numbers in the CBS poll suggests that more Americans trust Speaker Pelosi with this war than they do the President. 
     I agree with my friend Kuff, “It's only a compromise if both sides give up something.”   Bush doesn't compromise. 

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April 19 - Our friend Alfredo calls this “the most important political story of the year.”
     He’s probably right.  And it’s breaking today while Alberto Gonzales testifies, once again, that he’s an incompetent idiot.  
     Realizing that they were about to lose the 2006 elections, the White House and the Justice Department implemented a conscious strategy to try and steal the elections by suppressing Democratic voter turnout.

Facing nationwide voter registration drives by Democratic-leaning groups, the administration alleged widespread election fraud and endorsed proposals for tougher state and federal voter identification laws. Presidential political adviser Karl Rove alluded to the strategy in April 2006 when he railed about voter fraud in a speech to the Republican National Lawyers Association.

     I have ceased to be surprised at what these boys will do to retain power. 

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April 19 - Apparently Deb and I weren't the only people to notice that odd passage in the CBS story. It's all over the Internets this morning. 
     There's a larger explanation at Salon now. 
     For a long time I've been wondering how much more of this conservative government we can afford.  Now I'm wondering how many more conservatives want into my my private business before we vote the suckers outta here. 

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April 18 - According to Roll Call (subscription only), Republican Representative and Tom DeLay crony John Doolittle may be the next to bite the dust. 

FBI Raids Doolittle's Home: The FBI has raided the Northern Virginia home of Rep. John Doolittle (R-Calif.), according to Congressional sources. No details are publicly available yet about the circumstances of the raid, but Doolittle and his wife, Julie, have been under federal investigation for their ties to the scandal surrounding imprisoned former lobbyist Jack Abramoff.

     Doolittle took $20,000 from DeLay’s ARMPAC, $12,000 from DeLay staffer Tony Rudy, and $7,500 from DeLay’s former Chief of Staff, Ed Buckham.
     However, as far as we know, he never lied about hoochy-koochy so he's probably an outstanding citizen.

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April 18 - UPDATE:  Marita tells us that it's HB3015
     Whoa, whoa, whoa.  Maybe I’m coming unglued at the seams here, but Deb sent me this article from ABC News that made her do a double-take and now I’m doing a triple-take.
     Here’s the interesting paragraph: 

Some news accounts have suggested that Cho had a history of antidepressant use, but senior federal officials tell ABC News that they can find no record of such medication in the government's files. This does not completely rule out prescription drug use, including samples from a physician, drugs obtained through illegal Internet sources, or a gap in the federal database, but the sources say theirs is a reasonably complete search.

     The federal government knows what medications I’m taking?  What the fool tarnation business is it of theirs?  Where do they get this list?  Who gets to see it? 
     Look, I’m not pressing the panic button yet, but I have had one installed.    
     Does anybody else know anything about this?

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April 18 - For the overly curious, and Heaven knows that's me, the New York Times lets you search to see who your neighbors are supporting for President. 
     Click right about here, and then perform the search to the right of the map by name or zip code, it will take you a page where you can then search by zip code for ALL candidates.

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April 18 - Okay, locals need to get a load out and march to the polls.
     Thanks to research done by Kevin Tunstall and reported by Bob Dunn, the TIRZ gremlins are back and they're still impacting homeowner's taxes.
     Speaking of TIRZ (Tax Increment Reinvestment Zone) in Missouri City, Dunn points out that the areas the city is considering.

Obviously the above two geographic areas are not blighted and are not in any way arresting or impairing growth and development in Missouri City, Texas. These are probably two of the most desirable tracts of commercial land available in the area.

But they still can be considered for TIRZ designation because the Texas Legislature in its wisdom included a paragraph that gives just about any developer a shot at having his or her infrastructure paid for by property taxes.

     Tunstall discovered that Missouri City hasn't even bothered to file the proper paper work for the TIRZ it currently has.  Laws, smaws ....

     Speaking of which, Dunn found that the incumbents on the FBISD hasn't filed their campaign finance reports.  Oh, I can hardly wait for Liz Mitton's "Intheknow's" smug excuses for her bff Lisa Rickert. 

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April 18 - Okay, it’s hump day and that means there’s no better time for a link dump.
     First off, here’s a link Ann sent of a kid who does a dead solid Bush impersonation.  It’s laugh out loud funny.
     For those who cannot turn on the sound at work, I have a laugh for you, too.  Deb sent us this year’s Pulitzer Prize winner for editorial cartoons.  Walt Handelsman deserves it.
     And, less funny or maybe more funny depending on your viewpoint, Linda sent us a great link to someone who is researching where all Tom DeLay’s charitable money went. 
     Click away.

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April 17 - Sometimes the irony is just too thick to cut and too heavy to lift --- 

 AUSTIN -- The permit records of Texans authorized to carry concealed weapons, even in instances when they misuse their licenses or shoot people, would be considered a secret under a proposal moving through the Texas Legislature.

Debate on the bill, which has strong backing from the gun lobby, was briefly postponed Monday, when a gunman killed at least 32 people at Virginia Tech.

     And somebody please remind me why Patrick Rose is a Democrat. 

But the author of the bill, Rep. Patrick Rose, D-Dripping Springs, said the delay was unrelated to the shootings and plans to bring it back up Wednesday.

     I was privy to a conversation between two of my friends yesterday.  It went like this:

Friend #1:  How did the gun lobby get to be so powerful?

Friend #2:  Duh.  Because they have guns.

Guess which one is blonde.

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April 17 - And I wonder who taught them to do that? 

A committee vote to bar state funding for embryonic stem cell research was decried Monday as a "sneak attack" by research advocates. 

Stem cell research advocates said the legislation wasn't discussed at the hearing until at least 1:30 a.m. and that the vote came hours after testimony concluded while the committee was focused on an unrelated border-security bill. 

     I know the Republicans think this is cute – to play Gotcha! with medical research that may save lives and improve the quality of life for countless people. 
     If you have to sneak it through in the middle of the night, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.
     And they have the gall to call themselves pro-life.

     Speaking of which, the Belles of Heaven Republican Women's Club, aka The Spirit of Freedom Women's Club (yes, it's really real), are meeting on Friday, April 20th at 11:30 a.m. at the Fort Bend Chamber of Commerce.  Guest speaker is Gina Parker Ford, President of the National Eagle Forum.  I'm sure they'll have some cooking tips and ideas on that hot feminist topic: "Blue eye shadow: Cool Retro or Gnarly Cyanotic?"  
     I'm going to ask the question:  Is Phyllis Schlafly for real and how 'bout that hair, Girlfriend?

 

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April 17 - I knew it.  I just knew it. 

Pew judged the levels of knowledgeability (correct answers) among those surveyed and found that those who scored the highest were regular watchers of Comedy Central's The Daily Show and Colbert Report. They tied with regular readers of major newspapers in the top spot -- with 54% of them getting 2 out of 3 questions correct. Watchers of the Lehrer News Hour on PBS followed just behind.

Virtually bringing up the rear were regular watchers of Fox News. Only 1 in 3 could answer 2 out of 3 questions correctly. Fox topped only network morning show viewers.

      That explains why I’m such a smarty-pants. 
     What makes Stewart and Colbert so great is that you have to know the news to understand the show.  That’s why Republicans don’t think he’s funny. On the whole, I have found that when a person joins the Republican Party, they must first have a humorectomy.  Seriously, name a funny Republican. Okay, so Dennis Miller is the best you guys can do?    
     But I have a question about the above study.  Is “knowledgeability” a word?  Replace it with the word “knowledge” and the sentence means the same darned thing.  Sound like truthiness to me.  I think the Pew Center is jerking with us to see if we really do watch Colbert.

---

April 16 - UPDATE:  The hearings have been postponed until Thursday. 

     During the Watergate Hearings, I was at home with a new baby.  While the baby slept, I crocheted several blankets while sitting in front of the teevee, watching rapt through weeks of coverage.  I thought that since Watergate was a cover-up, blankets would be appropriate.
     I still have a couple of those blankets; others I gave as gifts.  We refer to them as my Watergate blankets.
     I don’t crochet much anymore so I got to wondering what I’ll do with my hands tomorrow as I watch a new attempt to bypass the Constitution of the United States of America. 

Tuesday, April 17
Senate Hearing with Atty. Gen. Alberto Gonzales on Dept. of Justice Oversight
On C-SPAN3 at 10am ET

     So, I went over the craft store just to look around.  I’ll be decorating flip-flops tomorrow while Alberto starts building his nest in the eighth circle of hell. 

---

April 16 - Well, we should have seen this coming a mile off …. 

The Justice Department's Public Integrity Section is investigating connections between disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff and the White House, a probe that may be affected by missing White House emails.

Lawyers involved in the case said that beginning more than a year ago, federal prosecutors and Federal Bureau of Investigation agents interviewed Mr. Abramoff and other cooperating witnesses at length about numerous contacts between Mr. Abramoff and White House officials, including presidential adviser Karl Rove.

     It’s amazing how a man with money, a little charm, and a decent Washington restaurant can bring down an entire city.  Abramoff is Monica, without the beret. 

---

April 15 - Scamper on over to Hal’s blog and see for yourself what State Senator Dan Patrick (R., Egoville) gave as a little present to his good buddy, Tom DeLay. 

You will see that HB 630 takes away the purview of the Travis County District Attorney, currently Ronnie Earle, to oversee criminal prosecutions of state officials, and gives it to a new “public integrity unit” that functions under the state Attorney General.

It’s like putting the wolf in charge of the hen house.

     Yep.  Tom’s still got friends in high places.  Or high friends.  I can’t remember which. 
     Dan Patrick is the dude who wants prayer in public school, but walked out of the Texas Lege when a non-Christian led the prayer.  I certainly hope he’s for giving Texas schoolchildren the same privilege to walk out when they disagree. 
     He also claimed he could cut $3 billion from the State budget, but simply issued a press release instead of acting on it. 
     Nincompoop.
     Nice catch, Hal.

---

April 15 - Ya know, when they talk about a “trash heap,” it’s hard to know if they’re talking about a landfill or County Commissioner’s Court. 

TV Stations: Landfill Trash Heap Would Block Doppler Radar, Put Public At Risk

The safety of everyone in the Houston and Galveston region will be at risk if Blue Ridge Landfill expands, because the giant pile of refuse would block Doppler radar signals and prevent hurricane detection, three Houston TV stations claim.

     If our County Commissioners aren’t walking away from this deal with a couple of suitcases filled with cash money, then they’re even dumber than I thought.
     When your trash heap is bigger than a damn hurricane, then maybe you better scale that sucker down.  I dunno.  Somebody is getting rich off this deal and it ain’t you or me.

---

April 14 - Okay, I’ve seen lotsa mean things in my political life.  I’ve also seen my share of lies, distortions, and deceit but, Shelley Sekula Gibbs beats the cake on both today.
     I got an email from her today that says,  

Nick Lampson is back to his old self again -- voting with Speaker Pelosi and her far-left wing liberal cronies for a war spending bill laden with pork that requires combat operations in Iraq to cease before September 2008.   

The people of Congressional District 22 don't want liberal pork and they don't like war protesters. They don't want to tie the commander-in-chief's hands on how to fight a war against terrorists who hate America.

 

     You know the drill, click on the little one to get the big one. 

     Uh, Shelley, listen up.  Nick Lampson wishes he was back to old self but he’s not.  The man is recovering from heart surgery, you idiot woman, and hasn’t voted since he went to the hospital on March 23^rd.  He’s barely able to move around, so he's not voting right now.  Take a look for yourself.
     Good Lord, Shelley, you’re dumber than bean dip. 
     You’d think a doctor would know better, but noooo…
     You’d think a doctor would have a little more compassion, but noooo …
     Doctor Shelley ain’t coming near me with a scalpel, that’s for sure.
     It's fine with me if Shelley wants to give Republicans a bad name, but I really hate what she's doing to blondes.
     Shelley, I think the people of the 22nd District don't want liars representing them.  That's why Tom DeLay dropped out, Babe.  You might want to learn something from that.

---

April 14 - Poor Tom DeLay.  His book is not selling and his Dancing With The Stars protégé is getting her lawyer’s butt sued for …. well, fibbing, of course.   

The husband of country singer Sara Evans is suing one of his wife's divorce attorneys and his firm, alleging the attorney slandered and libeled him with untrue allegations of adultery.

Craig Schelske filed the $20 million lawsuit against Nashville lawyer John Hollins Sr. on Wednesday in Davidson County Circuit Court.

     You know those Super DeLux Brand Christians can get meaner than a double-eyed hurricane.  I’d stay a mile and a half away from Sara and Craig if I were you.

---

April 13 - You gotta hand it to those Republicans – they can waste money faster than we can send it to them.
     Forty million dollars worth of FEMA food spoiled for lack of a place to store it. 
     Add that to $176 million in abstinence programs that didn’t work. 
     Granted, that’s only a quarter of a billion dollars, but still ….

---

April 13 - We get email.  Yes, we do.

April 13 - If Karl Rove is Bush’s Brain and Bush’s Brain can’t even keep track of emails, then no wonder we’re up Crap Creek without a paddle.   

Karl Rove's lawyer on Friday dismissed the notion that President Bush's chief political adviser intentionally deleted his own e-mails from a Republican-sponsored server, saying Rove believed the communications were being preserved in accordance with the law.

     Hummm … maybe the emails are at the same place as the weapons of mass destruction.

---

April 13 - You know, I thought Republicans favored getting the government out of our lives.  At least that’s what they say.
     What they do is scaring the bejeebers outta me.
     Compiling dossiers on Texas citizens who have not even been accused of a crime means that Governor Rick, rhymes with youknowwhat, Perry knows things about me that I don’t even know. 
     Okay, now think this through.  Anybody with their head above water knows that the GOP isn’t going to stay in power forever.  I think the last election hinted at that.  So, all you GOPpers out there may think it’s real cool that Gov. Rick is collecting information on citizens because Ole Gov. Rick is on your side.  But what are you going to do when Governor Senfronia Thompson has the keys to that same databank?
     You’re gonna have a heart attack and become a born-again civil libertarian, that’s what you’re gonna do. 

---

April 12 - If this doesn't win a Pulitzer Prize, the voting is rigged.
     Jake Bernstein, editor of the Texas Observer, has just blown the top off the Texas Governor's office.  It seems that Governor Perry has gained  massive amounts of information on Texas citizens, with no law enforcement oversight.
     It's frightening.  It's documented.  It's time to light the panic fire.
     If you don't subscribe to The Texas Observer, shame on ya. 
     More tomorrow morning.

---

April 12 -  Roll Call (subscription only) is reporting that Duncan Hunter (Republican, California) might need to take spelling lesson from Dan Quayle --- 

In the California Republican’s formal Federal Election Commission filing making his bid official, Hunter misspelled “president,” mangling the name of his committee as “Hunter for Prseident Inc.”

On the bright side, although the field of candidates for the presidency is a bit crowded, Hunter is uncontested to be prseident.

His signature song? “Hail to the Cheif.”

---

April 12 - What Jaye said.

---

April 12 - A regular reader, and yes there is one, from Sugar Land named Janie alerted me to an article at National Review Online.  Janie knew I wasn’t a regular reader of The National Review so I’d probably miss my moment of fame. 
     I am not a fan of The National Review and here’s one good reason why.  I just sent them this email. 

 

Dear National Review Online and Mr. Mark Krikorian,

You stole my picture.  Right here.  Click the first link in the first sentence.  Look at it.  You moved it to a blogger site to cover your felonious tracks, but it’s my picture. Here’s proof it’s mine.

What is wrong with you?  Why did you steal my hard work?

I got out on a cold and windy day, drove in my own car to this location miles from my home at no small gasoline expenses to myself, got out of my car in front of a Republican Headquarters, which was pretty disgusting and did I mention that it was cold and nasty windy?, and took this photograph in the cold and mean wind.  You, on the other hand, were nowhere to be found.

Then I came home, figured out how to upload my pictures, and posted it on my website right here.  At the time, you were probably at a bar.  Drunk.  Wherever you were, you certainly didn’t offer to pay for my gas or my camera.

I did all the hard work, and you just came along and stole all my hard work.  That is so damn typical of a Republican.  You want me to do all the work so you can come along and steal it right out from under me – me, the working class. 

Did you ask my permission to use my picture?  No.  Did you contact me and offer to give me some money for it? Of course not, because you’re a conservative and conservatives only spend other people’s money, generally mine. Did you even bother to give me credit for it?  No, you did not. 

Hey, National Review Online and Mr. Mark Krikorian, you can kiss my big blue butt, and my lawyer’s, too.  I want money for my hard work.  From you. 

I don’t guess you took the time to read that these signs were a total flop, and even Republicans wanted them gone.  Oh yes, they did. 

Your New Payee,
Susan

---

April 12 - Who would have thunk it?  Lee Iacocca goes off on the best darned rant I've heard in ages.

Am I the only guy in this country who's fed up with what's happening? Where the hell is our outrage? We should be screaming bloody murder. We've got a gang of clueless bozos steering our ship of state right over a cliff, we've got corporate gangsters stealing us blind, and we can't even clean up after a hurricane much less build a hybrid car. But instead of getting mad, everyone sits around and nods their heads when the politicians say, "Stay the course."

Stay the course? You've got to be kidding. This is America, not the damned Titanic. I'll give you a sound bite: Throw the bums out!

     I'm glad I didn't buy Tom DeLay's book.  Now I have the money to buy Lee Iacocca's.  His 9 C's of leadership should be required reading in every high school in America. 

---

April 11 - We get Email ---

 

April 11 - See, this ain't right.  We can't be having this. 

Freezing rain and snowy conditions in Chicago on Wednesday made it impossible for the Astros and Cubs to play their series finale at Wrigley Field, and the teams were waiting for Major League Baseball to approve a makeup date and time.

     There's no snow in baseball.  Somebody needs to contact the proper authorities about things like this.

---

April 11 - Our friend Deb sent this with the tag: “Help Wanted: Scapegoat”

The White House wants to appoint a high-powered czar to oversee the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan with authority to issue directions to the Pentagon, the State Department and other agencies, but it has had trouble finding anyone able and willing to take the job, according to people close to the situation.

At least three retired four-star generals approached by the White House in recent weeks have declined to be considered for the position, the sources said, underscoring the administration's difficulty in enlisting its top recruits to join the team after five years of warfare that have taxed the United States and its military.

     It’s sad that nobody wants it.  I hear that even Mrs. Rhonda Faye Frontage, leader of Cub Scout Pack #467 down in Pleak, isn’t answering her phone for fear she’ll be the next asked.
     War Czar?  Yeah, that whole Drug Czar thing worked out so well that it could be the model. 

---

April 11 - Oh, you're gonna love me for this.  The Houston Press has come across something wonderful.    Click here (PDF format - no sound) to find out what they say about the Gospel According to Saint Tom.

---

April 11 - Those who have been following the Washington Post’s series on how lobbyists have changed our government will enjoy today’s article.  Maybe “enjoy” is not the right word.  It’s pretty frightening. 
     Lobbyists and political consultants are two of the three worst things to happen to democracy. 

---

April 11 - Click here for an excellent reaction from our new friend Marilyn about yesterday's post about the SMU and the Bush Library.

---

April 11 - So the CIT Group is involved in a mega-scandal about bribing college financial aid officials to get on the college's preferred lender lists,
     And guess who made a quick $50,000 profit buying and selling CIT Group stock when it went public in early 2005?  Texas’s own Mike McCaul.  His personal financial statement will open right here in PDF format.
     Ripping off Texas’ college bound youth – the Republican way.

---

April 10 - Okay, so maybe it’s just me, but I’m wondering why it takes “weeks of intense preparation” to go before the Unites States Senate and tell the damn truth. 

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales remained out of public view at the Justice Department Monday as he resumed intense preparations for crucial Senate testimony next week on the U.S. attorney firings -- the outcome of which may determine whether he can cling to his post.

     Holy Toad Frogs on a Ritz Cracker!  It didn’t take me weeks of intense preparation to explain to Momma what I did for Spring Break in 1969 and she even expected fibbing.
     I mean, it ain't like they're gonna ask him to figure square roots or something.  I'll bet you money that they don't even ask him to diagram a sentence.  Chezzz.

---

April 10 - Thanks to Sandy and E. Claire, I bring you this story from Dallas  …

A new online petition charges that administrators at Southern Methodist University (SMU) have been attempting to silence faculty protest against the politically partisan institute that George W. Bush seeks to include in his presidential library complex. The petition invites faculty members and teachers everywhere to sign in support of the SMU faculty protesters, and in dissent against the Bush institute.

     Teachers and professors are invited to sign the petition here. 

---

April 10 - Go ahead, call me anti-development.  I consider it a compliment. 
     The Republican controlled Commissioners Court has cozyed-up to developers and their political contributions for too many years.  Commissioners kept telling us that all this development and these tax abatements are good for us because it’ll lower our taxes and make our community a more desirable place to live.   
     My taxes have gone up, along with crime, traffic, pollution, and now this.
     We’re in the same shape as New Orleans before Katrina. 
     Thanks a bunch, Commissioner Boys.  I hope all those political contributions were worth it.
     And to the Greater Fort Bend Economic Development Council - as soon as I figure out how to spell the word for the sound that happens when you stick out your tongue, close your lips around it, and blow real hard, I'll tell you what I think about you.

---

April 10 - Bless his heart.  Nevada Republican Governor Jim Gibbons is having some Grand Canyon brain synapses.  He thinks the Democrats have bought the Wall Street Journal. 

Gov. Jim Gibbons said Monday he’s heard a rumor that Democrats paid the Wall Street Journal to publish stories about his relations with a defense contractor and that the coverage is designed to help Democrats in the 2008 election.

Asked about rumors of a conspiracy among Democrats against him, Gibbons said he heard the same thing but did not name a source.

“I have heard that the Democrats have paid to have these Wall Street Journal articles written,” Gibbons said.

     Yes, Jimbo, and the Democrats have also bribed Matt Drudge, Fox News, Charleston Heston, and a distant cousin of  
     Well, you can hardly blame the man for going wacko; he knows he’ll be prosecuted by Bush’s Justice Department. (See below.)

---

April 10 - Now they’ve done it.  They’re not only hiring partisan writ twits; they’re hiring stoopid ones.   

The immediate crisis concerning the federal prosecutors will be over soon enough. The Administration's forced brain drain at Justice threatens its stature and effectiveness for years to come.

     Now answer me this:  how on God’s green earth can you drain a lawyer’s brain?  I mean, Honey, it takes the Bushies to pull off a feat like that.
     Speaking of No Lawyer Left Behind, the Bushies have done everything they can to make being smart a sin. 

---

April 10 - Well, ain't that just real Christian of Tom DeLay? 

During the 12 years that Republicans ran the House, their leaders didn't pay much attention to affordable-housing activists. Despite soaring rents and complaints of a deepening affordability crisis, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Tex.) told his conference that he didn't want to see housing bills on the floor. He thought housing programs were unreformed welfare -- and they competed for the same pot of money in an annual funding bill as his beloved NASA.

 

    *    *    *    *    *

 

Last month, the House passed their bill, a measure to address the housing shortages that have festered on the Gulf Coast since Hurricane Katrina hit in August 2005. After the storm wiped out 82,000 rental units in New Orleans, DeLay blocked a housing bill from Richard H. Baker (R-La.) because, sources said, the majority leader did not consider Baker a "team player."

     Considering Tom's new financial problems, maybe he'll be looking for affordable housing, or maybe he can rent-out a backroom to a Katrina survivor.

---

April 9 - Displaced Texans and lore lovers alike will be charmed to know that The Yellow Rose of Texas, Emily West, was probably a true story.   

The Yellow Rose of Texas is fancifully famous for bedazzling Santa Anna out of his fancy pants at the Battle of San Jacinto on April 21, 1836.

Increasing evidence suggests the story may be true.

On San Jacinto Day, her believers in Texas saloons will lift their glasses to the star of the battle's sideshow – a mixed-race woman named "Emily" who distracted the tyrant in his tent while Gen. Sam Houston's grim-eyed skirmishers advanced on the Mexican camp.

     She made Sam Houston, Texas’s first populist, famous.  Good on her.

---

April 9 - Okay, if I were to make a list of places I would not go, not even if they were giving away cash money, this event may not be at the top of the list, but it would certainly be above a Sheriff Milton Wright four hour accordion concert or swamp wading with pork chops tied around my ankles.   

Event for FBISD Candidate Lisa Rickert

Wine and Cheese Party in Sugar Creek -
hosted by the Raia's, Howell's, and Mitton's
April 17th    TBD

      Until they have absolute scientific proof that unwarranted smugness is not contagious, on April 17th I’m staying on this side of the River in a bomb shelter at an undisclosed safe location wearing a level 3 contamination suit and roll of duck tape.

---

April 9 - No, no, really, you have to go see this.
     Not only is some guy trying to get $40 for Tom DeLay’s autographed book on Ebay, which is gonna hack-off Tom because he needs the forty bucks, but the guy just gets goofy over meeting Tom ---  

It was a real thrill for me to listen and visit with Tom Delay.

     Okay, now check the seller’s name.  Misfit Guy.  Ya think?
     And now check what Misfit Guy been buying on Ebay - especially from keywestdvds.  Oops.  Speaking of thrills. 
     Gotta love the Tom DeLay-Lovin' perverts.

---

April 8 - Our friend Don H. sent us this link for those who don't want to buy Tom DeLay's book before it goes on the $1.99 table, but are curious as to what the book says.
     It's an interview of John Dean about Tom DeLay. 

… research in North America indicates that the people who become leaders of right-wing authoritarian movements tend to have strong religious beliefs serving as co-pilots to dominating, aggressive, amoral tendencies. It seems this arrangement would lead to a plane crash. But often these people do quite well in life. You and I both see Tom DeLay as such a leader, and I wanted to study his account of his career.

     "Amoral tendencies?"  Ya think?

---

April 7 - Our friend Alfredo hands us this news:

On Amazondotcom's best seller list:

John & Teresa Heinz Kerry's "This Moment on Earth: Today's New Environmentalists and Their Vision for the Future" - Number 116

 

Tom DeLay's "No Retreat, No Surrender: One American's Fight" -  Number 1,148

 

Conservatives are so 20th Century.

---

April 6 - Wanna read something that has real meaning for Easter?  Try Roland Martin on taking back Christianity.

When did it come to the point that being a Christian meant only caring about two issues,­ abortion and homosexuality?

Ask the nonreligious what being a Christian today means, and based on what we see and read, it's a good bet they will say that followers of Jesus Christ are preoccupied with those two points.

Poverty? Whatever. Homelessness? An afterthought. A widening gap between the have and have-nots? Immaterial. Divorce? The divorce rate of Christians mirrors the national average, so that's no big deal.

     Amen.

---

April 6 - So now it’s dog biscuits.    

The recall of pet foods and treats contaminated with an industrial chemical expanded Thursday to include dog biscuits made by an Alabama company and sold by Wal-Mart under the Ol'Roy brand.

     I went over to Whole Foods last weekend and bought Truman some organic dog food.  I am kinda worried that he’ll start asking to go to Starbucks and want a pair of Birkenstocks. 
     (By the way, for those who've asked whether Truman is named for a President or a writer, his full name is Hairy S Truman.)

---

April 6 - And it appears that Michael Berry, whose loose lips sink radio blips, has apologized for saying something else stoopid. 

A Houston city councilman and conservative talk radio host has apologized for saying taxpayers were paying large amounts of welfare to American Indians who were "whining" about having been "whipped in a war."

Michael Berry said Thursday that he posted the apology on his station's Web site the night before "not because I offended people, but because I was wrong."

"My facts were wrong, and the basis of my facts was wrong," he said.

     I guess someone reminded Michael about the Alamo. 

---

April 6 - We get email.  And, no, I couldn't make this stuff up.

 

April 5 - We get email ---

April 5 - Okay, so somebody needs to pull in on them reins and holler whoa.  It seems that folks at the World Bank are all in a dither because Paul Wolfowitz’s girlfriend is getting some …. errrr, special privileges  …. 

Employees of the World Bank have been "expressing concern, dismay, and outrage" regarding favoritism shown by the bank and the Bush administration towards the one-time girlfriend of World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz, according to an internal memo circulated within the bank by the World Bank Group Association, which represents the rights of the bank's 13,000 employees. Among other things, the April 3 memo alleges that Shaha Riza, Wolfowitz's romantic interest was given a "promotion [that] clearly does not conform" to bank procedures. Moreover, the memo alleges, she was then given a raise "more than double the amount allowed" by the bank's rules.

     Okay now, think this thing  through.  I think some folks are over-reacting.  Think: how much would they have to pay you to be Paul Wolfowitz’s girlfriend?  And, as scary as that guy is, can you imagine him on a two month celibacy binge?  Oh no, there’s far too many nuclear devices in the world to allow this man to get … well, antsy.
     Honey, if she can keep him happy and out of making another war, I say give her all the damn money.

---

April 5 - My friend John Cobarruvias in Clear Lake has a great find. 
     Houston City Councilman Michael Berry forgot that the military upped their recruitment age to 42.  Michael Berry has a Houston radio show. Michael Berry pitched himself a hissy fit over Charlie Rangel saying that there are few educated professionals are volunteering to serve in Iraq. John Cobarruvias has a tape recorder. 
     Now, I'm not saying that the caller sounds familiar, but .....
     It's a hoot!  Listen to it on John's site.  If you're at work and can't listen to it, reading the comments is entertainment enough.
     (By the way, Berry hasn't enlisted yet.)

---

April 5 - Have you ever sat around wondering what you’d buy if you won the lottery?
     Thanks to me, you now have a purchasing plan. 
     Buy your own Texas Supreme Court Justice!  They’re not only handy, they’re cheap! 

AUSTIN – A political committee funded by homebuilder Bob Perry contributed $16,000 to help Supreme Court Justice Nathan Hecht pay his legal bills as the court was preparing to hear arguments in a case against the company.

Justice Hecht solicited donors in February to pay the cost of defending himself against charges of violating judicial ethics.

     You just never know when a Texas Supreme Court Justice will be useful.  Buy one now and start a collection! 
     Ya know, Bob Perry must have a really big butt so he can fit all those politicians in his back pocket.

---

April 4 - Okay, so now this global warming thing has gone too far. 
     I’m sorry, but you just cannot tax barbeque. 

The government of Belgium's French-speaking region of Wallonia, which has a population of about 4 million, has approved a tax on barbequing, local media reported.

Experts said that between 50 and 100 grams of CO2, a so-called greenhouse gas, is emitted during barbequing. Beginning June 2007, residents of Wallonia will have to pay 20 euros for a grilling session.

The local authorities plan to monitor compliance with the new tax legislation from helicopters, whose thermal sensors will detect burning grills.

Scientists believe CO2 emissions are a major cause of global warming.

     Damn vegetarians.
     It’s a plot.  A plot, I tell you.
     Far be it from me to tell people in Belgium about barbeque, but …. Doesn’t the monitoring helicopter cause more problems than Dag Bubba’s pit?
     (Thanks to Deb for the heads-up.  Deb finds all the really cool stuff on the internet!)

---

April 4 - I don’t know ‘bout you, but I’m voting with my fishing license and my official mail.
     John Kelso, the funniest person in Texas right now, had himself some fun with State Rep Betty Brown’s voter ID bill. 
     Rep. Betty, who’s from Terrell, is so narrow-minded that she can see through a keyhole with both eyes.  It appears to me that she’s overly-anxious to see who’s had a sex-change operation in Texas.  I don’t know what caused her curiosity, and I probably don’t want to know. 

Still, we got this Betty Brown bill that says that at the polls you would have to show your voter registration card and one of the following: your driver's license or personal Department of Public Safety I.D. card, military ID with photo; employee badge with photo; U.S. citizenship certificate with photo; a U.S. passport; student ID with photo; or concealed handgun permit.

Or, along with your voter registration card, you could vote with two of the following: your utility bill, bank statement, government check, paycheck or other government document with your name and address; official mail addressed to you from the government; a copy of your birth certificate; U.S. citizenship papers; a marriage license or divorce decree; court records of your adoption, name change or sex change; a Texas or U.S. medical benefits ID card; a temporary DPS driving permit; a pilot's license; a library card; or a hunting and fishing license.

Gibbs said the bill has all these options "to make it possible for everyone to have some form of identification." That's funny. I thought a voter registration card was "some form of identification."

     So, I gotta vote with a briefcase full of papers, identifying myself to one of my neighbors who has been a friend for thirty years. 
     I have a slightly better idea.  Why don’t we require the candidates to prove they are human.

---

April 3 - Heads up!  Jack Abramoff is chatting again.

Italia Federici, the one-time girlfriend of a convicted former senior official at the Interior Department, is a target of the ongoing federal influence-peddling investigation into the activities of former lobbyist Jack Abramoff, according to court documents obtained by Legal Times.

In a letter dated Jan. 19, the Justice Department informed Federici, founder of the Council of Republicans for Environmental Advocacy, that she was a target of the federal probe.

---

April 3 - Official Announcement for Newcomers:  It’s baseball season.  I operate with half a brain during baseball season because the other half is keeping score.  I am an Astros fan.  After last night, I do not know why.  Dude, we needed a mulligan. 

---

April 3 - A picture is worth ----

Thanks, David!

---

April 3 - Well, there’s good news -----  

President Bush is losing his top day-to-day adviser on Iraq, the White House confirmed Monday.

Meghan L. O'Sullivan, who has played a key behind-the-scenes role in implementing Bush's controversial Iraq policies over the past four years, will leave later this spring.

   However, this means that the engine’s runnin’ but there ain’t nobody driving.  I can’t say if we’ll notice the difference. 
     And there’s better news ----- 

Wade Horn, the Bush Administration's point man for welfare reform, Head Start and abstinence education, resigned Monday as assistant secretary for children and families. 

     This guy was the Super DeLux Brand Christians’ (New and Improved from the Old Jesus Model) flag waver. 
     The way I see it, you’ll get a call this week to work in the Bush administration.  You're about all that's left.

---

April 3 - The Dallas Morning News chides their city government to do something I’ve been chiding Fort Bend County to do for ten years – electronic campaign finance reports.
     Hell, that’s a lie.  I’m just trying to get the darned things online in any freekin’ form!
     In Dallas, they call this the dark ages --- 

The city scans copies of the paper reports and posts them online. The files aren't searchable databases, though; they're more akin to photos of the hard copies. So, quickly locating a particular name or ZIP code isn't an option.

     We don’t even have that, so I guess we’re in the Stone Age.  So simple a caveman can do it?  Yep, that makes it too complicated for county commissioners.   

---

April 2 - Unwilling or unable to just agree they were wrong and have made a hash out of Iraq, Republicans tour a market in Baghdad wearing bulletproof vests, protected by 50 American soldiers and two Blackhawk helicopters - and compare it to a farmer's market in Indiana. 
     Heck, I’d play the Dallas Cowboys solo with that kind of protection.
     Republicans: too stupid to govern.

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April 2 - I shall miss my friend at White's Creek, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do.  And woman's gotta do the rest.
     Only at White's Creek would Nubian goats meet the offspring of former stockholders in Harken Energy.
     Classic - this is what a real writer can do with a keyboard.

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April 2 - Well, it looks like Newt’s comeback is a real comedowner.
     Not only did Newt refer to bilingual education as “the language of living in a ghetto,” he did it in front of the National Federation of Republican Women, which, I believe, is a sister organization of the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club. 
     My favorite part of the whole story, though, was this line. 

We should replace bilingual education with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and they learn the language of prosperity, not the language of living in a ghetto," Gingrich said to cheers from the crowd of more than 100.

     More than 100?  Oh darn, I’ve got egg all over my face. I made a bet with Nadine that there weren’t 100 Republican women left in all of America.  Whoa, was I wrong!  More than 100 people came to the National Federation of Republican Women. 
     Honey, we’ve got a two headed calf down in Pleak that draws close to 300 people every weekend.  Heck, I could announce that Jesus’ face had appeared on an oil rag over at Crazy Manny’s Transmission and Bait Shop and draw a bigger crowd than Newt. 
     I think they worded it real nice in the newspaper.  I mean, since they couldn’t say that hundreds came to see Newt, they could have said, “Newt spoke to crowds of tens.”  See, there’s no liberal media bias.  If there were, it would have read, “The hall was big.  The crowd was not.”     I have one suggestion for Newt.  He might want to learn another language because he’ll soon run out of American women to marry. 
    
     I live in Texas so I am multilingual.  I speak Texan, which is a lot like English but far more colorful.  Think of it – we have 27 words for big in Texas.  We have animal husbandry terms you’ve never of and we use them in our normal everyday conversations. 
     I also speak Spanish because if I didn’t I’d miss the poetry of Octavio Paz and the sounds of the zocalo in Mexico City.  I speak enough Creole not to make a total fool of myself in Lafayette, and to talk to the voodoo princesses in New Orleans. 
     I speak a little Czech because I live in a heavily Czech area.  Up until 1996, we had a radio station in Rosenberg that broadcast in Czech every Sunday afternoon.  It was great.  They taught me a few phrases and had me on the show one Sunday.  I am told that I was the Charo of Czech. I was real proud of that.
     Cute story for Newt: the woman who gives me pedicures speaks very little English – she’s from Vietnam.  I speak no Vietnamese.  However, we both speak enough French to communicate basics with each other.  That’s a good thing. 
     Just because Newt and his lady friends aren’t smart enough to learn several languages does not mean that I have to leave the language of my culture behind.  Or, that the language of my culture is somehow poorer than his. 

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My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston.
I live in Richmond, Texas, in heart of Tom DeLay's old district.  It's crazy here.  No, seriously, it's triple z crazzzy.

I used to be an independent voter, but that all changed when I got to know a few local Republicans.  They are meaner than 10 acres of snakes and have the ethical compass of a bank robber. 

So, I decided that they could just Kiss My Big Blue Butt.

A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.

This ain't a blog.  Blogs are way too trendy for me.  I've been doing this since 1992, so I'm used to it even if you ain't. 

Email me and I'll find a place to put it if I like it.